Lieutenant Disher Quote #251
Natalie: There's nobody out there.
Lieutenant Disher: No. Wait. No, there is somebody out there. And I know he's watching. I can feel it, you son of a bitch. He's looking right at this thing. Oh, I hate this guy.
[Outside, "Call 911 U Silver Bastar" crawls across the ticker. After the living statue's watch beeps, he climbs off his podium and pulls out his cell phone.]
Living Statue: Yeah, I'm here at Vincent Place, in front of the bank. I think you better get down here.
Quote from Mr. Monk and the Class Reunion
Lieutenant Disher: Captain? I tracked down Kalimarakis. I don't think he's our guy. Number one, it turns out he was allowed to join the Olympic swim team as an alternate. He, uh, got a waiver.
Captain Stottlemeyer: So there's no motive.
Lieutenant Disher: Right. Number two, he's dead. He died in 1995. And number three, he moved to Europe in the late '80s. So there's no record of him ever returning-
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy. Randy, excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt you but could you read number two again?
Lieutenant Disher: Okeydoke. He's dead.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Right. See, I probably would have stopped reading after number two. In fact, I would have read number two first.
Lieutenant Disher: You would have switched 'em?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. But that's just me. And probably every other adult on the planet Earth.
Quote from Mr. Monk Is the Best Man
Lieutenant Disher: So who's on your short list?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I've been at this all morning. Most of these guys are either in jail or dead.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, or both.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No. Nobody is both.
Quote from Mr. Monk's 100th Case
Adrian Monk: What about her lipstick?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Lipstick? Looks like he took it.
Lieutenant Disher: Lipstick Killer. Lipstick Assassin. Mr. Lipstick. I've always wanted to name one of these guys.
James Novak: Why?
Lieutenant Disher: If you can name them, you can catch them.
James Novak: Why?
Quote from Adrian Monk
Natalie: Mr. Monk, look, look, look! A toaster! It's in perfect condition!
Adrian Monk: No. No, thank you.
Natalie: Look, it's five dollars. Please, I'll pay for it.
Adrian Monk: Natalie, it's used. I'm not gonna make food in somebody else's toaster. Unless I'm wrong, that's how the bubonic plague got started.
Natalie: That's not true.
Adrian Monk: I said, unless I'm wrong.
Quote from Lieutenant Disher
Lieutenant Disher: I'm just saying.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, give it a rest.
Lieutenant Disher: There must have been 80 bucks in that can. For three hours work, tax free? The guy makes more money than I do. Just doing nothing. Standing there. I can do that.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, you can.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, I'm gonna do it. After work. Do it part time. Pick up a couple of bucks.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You're gonna be a living statue?
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, I am.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Good for you. But how are we supposed to know what job you're doing?
Lieutenant Disher: I'll be painted silver.
Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer
Captain Stottlemeyer: Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?
Gloria Morales: It's a boy.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Good for you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Got names picked out?
Gloria Morales: We haven't decided yet. What's your name?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Leland.
Gloria Morales: We haven't decided yet.