Molly Evans: Adrian, you can't quit. What would you do all day?
Adrian Monk: I do not know. This. Hang around with you. I just want watch you grow up.
Molly Evans: I am 26 years old, I'm not a kid.
Adrian Monk: I just want you in my life. You know, I need you in my life.
Molly Evans: I am in your life. I'm not going anywhere. I'm worried about your life. You can't quit. Not for me. There are lots of other Trudys out there. And I think you're obligated to help them. You have a gift.
Adrian Monk: And a curse.
Molly Evans: It's not a curse, it's a gift. Can't you see that? [Monk shrugs] Maybe that's why I'm here, to remind you. [off Monk's look] What?
Adrian Monk: That's exactly what your mother used to say.
Molly Evans: Really? What was she like?
Adrian Monk: Well, she snored.
Molly Evans: [laughs] She did?
Adrian Monk: Yeah. She never believed me. One night, I taped her with a tape recorder. She still didn't believe it. She loved Willie Nelson. When she was thinking, she'd stick out her tongue like this.
Molly Evans: Oh, my God! I do that all the time.
Adrian Monk: I know. I love it when you do that.

Natalie: [aiming gun at Sarah Longson] Put it down. Put it down. Don't move, I swear to God. I swear to God I'll shoot. [Sarah drops the rock]
Adrian Monk: Hang on!
Natalie: It's okay, Mr. Monk. It's all over. I did it! [shoots Monk in the other leg]
Adrian Monk: For the love of God. Wipe.

Lieutenant Disher: Okay. [clears throat] He was, asphyxiated. Strangled.
Natalie: Oh, no.
Lieutenant Disher: Probably from behind. The killer used a ligature, something thing and strong. Probably piano wire.
Adrian Monk: Can I see it?
Lieutenant Disher: We haven't found it yet. Or he took it with him. We don't know.
Adrian Monk: The killer, it's a magician.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What is that?
Adrian Monk: Black paint. They paint their wires so they can't be seen.
Lieutenant Disher: Magician. That's good.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You were the first one back here. Did you see anybody?
Adrian Monk: Uh-uh. No. Well, there was a maintenance man. Maybe he saw something.
Stage Manager: The maintenance crew doesn't work on Saturdays.
Adrian Monk: Oh, my God. I saw him.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You saw him.
Adrian Monk: I saw the guy.

Adrian Monk: You worked with Kevin, didn't you?
Karl Torini: Well, I didn't really know him. I'm a featured performer. He was usually in the back room, crunching numbers.
Adrian Monk: He was filling in for you on Saturday night, wasn't he?
Karl Torini: Oh, yes. That's right. It was a last-minute thing. I took Tanya to Reno.
Tanya Adams: We got engaged.
Adrian Monk: Oh, congratulations.
Natalie: You're not wearing a ring.
Tanya Adams: I know. You know, it just happened so fast.
Karl Torini: As you can imagine, after what happened, we were so distraught that suddenly a ring just didn't seem so important.
Adrian Monk: Of course.
Karl Torini: Well, if you'll excuse us, we'd like to pay our respects. Good luck, Mr. Monk. [both walk away]
Adrian Monk: He's the guy.
Natalie: Because of the ring?
Adrian Monk: Because he's the guy. I saw him. I recognize him. He was there.

Adrian Monk: The night Kevin was killed, you were in the theater. I saw you backstage.
Karl Torini: What? Really?
Adrian Monk: You were dressed as a maintenance man, weren't you?
Karl Torini: Either you're mistaken. Or you're bluffing. I was 300 miles away. And I can prove it.
Natalie: All right, why did you have Kevin work for you that night?
Karl Torini: Well, as I explained to the police, I was leaving town, I needed someone to fill in, I'd seen Kevin before and I thought he was... quite wonderful.
Natalie: Ha.
Adrian Monk: Okay, you know we saw Kevin's act. He was dreadful. God rest his soul.

Adrian Monk: Is there anything I can do? That wouldn't inconvenience me?
Natalie: Yes. You can come with me tomorrow to my brother's wedding. My date just canceled.
Adrian Monk: A wedding? No, uh I'm sorry. Natalie, I can't. It's a bad idea for for, for seven reasons. Wait, eight. Actually, now that I think of... Nine. Nine reasons.

Dr. Lancaster: Neurotriptyline, Mr. Monk. It's a very mild sedative. It's a little bit like warm milk. You do drink milk, don't you?
Adrian Monk: Never.
Dr. Lancaster: Ah, well, you just have to take my word for it.

Wendy Mass: How did you know?
Adrian Monk: I knew that Cross had been arrested in Tampa. When you mentioned that you'd grown up there, it seemed like a remarkable coincidence. But I didn't put it together until I remembered something you had done last week when you met Captain Stottlemeyer.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Me?
Adrian Monk: When you came in with your right arm in a sling, everyone in the room naturally extended their left hand to shake, including Mrs. Mass. This was before anyone mentioned you had hurt your arm. So how could she have known that you offered your left hand?
Wendy Mass: Thank you, Mr. Monk.
Lieutenant Disher: You're thanking him?
Wendy Mass: I am so relieved. It was tearing me up inside that poor man was taking all the blame.
Sharona: You're gonna have to go to prison.
Wendy Mass: I understand.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Maybe I can talk to the D.A. about extenuating circumstances.
Wendy Mass: There's only one thing that I want.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What's that?
Wendy Mass: A window.

Adrian Monk: Hey! The numbers are crooked! Somebody fix the scoreboard! No wonder attendance is down.

Adrian Monk: Uh, could we switch chairs? It's the tassels. Uh, my chair has tassels. A lot of tassels here.
Sharona: Will you stop staying "tassels"?