Luke: All right, I'm Luke. Some of you know me. I'm April's dad. [applause] So, um, before we get the party started, I just wanted to lay down some ground rules - some simple dos and don'ts - so that everybody has a good time and goes home in one piece. Okay. So, this is the party area. You are to remain in the party area at all times. The kitchen is strictly off limits. Under no circumstances are you to enter the kitchen. It's incredibly dangerous back there. One turn of the wrong dial, you could burn your face off. And I've got so many knives back there, you so much as trip, you could lose an arm, you could chop off fingers, you could poke out an eye. And do not go upstairs. That is not part of the party area. Everyone must remain in the party area at all times. And finally, do not go outside. I will not give anybody permission to go outside, okay? Are we clear?

Luke: [on the phone] It's like a funeral hall in there. I didn't know 13-year-old girls could be so unhappy.
Lorelai: Where are you? I don't hear anything.
Luke: I'm in the storage room. I come in here and hide a lot.
Lorelai: And leaving them unsupervised?
Luke: Well, there's a peephole here I can see out of.
Lorelai: You're peeping at the girls from the storage room?
Luke: I do not have time for any weird jokes.
Lorelai: Okay, what are they doing?
Luke: Well, April was playing cards. Some of the others were reading and playing video games. At the moment, they're all just standing in line, waiting to go to the bathroom.
Lorelai: You didn't plan any activities?
Luke: It's a birthday party. I thought that was the activity!

Luke: Uh, a car crashed into my diner yesterday. There's a giant hole where my wall used to be. It's gonna take a couple of weeks to fix. It's a disaster, but I don't care. I mean, I care, but... You know what, no. I really... I don't care. It's like it's not even real to me. It's like my life isn't even real to me unless you're there, and you're in it, and I'm sharing it with you. And, uh, I don't know what I was waiting for, and I don't know what I was scared of, but I'm not. I'm not scared, and I'm not waiting. I'm here.
Lorelai: Luke.
Luke: No, don't say anything. I've got a tank full of gas, and Maryland is only 200 miles away, and I've made us some reservations at a couple of bed-and-breakfasts. I mean, if you don't want to do the Maryland thing, we don't have to. I heard you say "Maryland" the other day. I don't know whether you were serious. I'm just trying to cover my bases here.
Lorelai: Luke.
Luke: I also packed some camping equipment so we can head to Vermont or Maine and, you know, check into a cabin for a week, you know, like a little honeymoon thing. But maybe that's a little too rustic for your taste. Or we could drive to Atlantic City or even Las Vegas if you want to make a real road trip out of it.

Luke: All right, what can I get you?
Kirk: [whimpers]
Luke: Kirk, you're scaring away the customers.
Kirk: [whimpers]
Luke: I am not gonna ask you what's wrong. Either eat or go.
Kirk: Women troubles, Luke. Haven't slept in days. See the bags under my eyes? See the glazed look? Women.
Luke: See this glazed look? Don't care.

Luke: Razor blades? They've expressly forbidden razor blades?
Kirk: That's sound policy.
Luke: Are kids at this school showing up with razor blades? I mean, listen to this list of stuff they've had to ban. Drug use, bullying, graffiti, theft, spitting, fighting - including but not limited to punching, kicking, gouging, and biting. Seems to me like they're just giving the kids ideas. "Gee, I can't think of any other bad things to do today. Let me look at the manual. Hey, gouging sounds fun!"
Miss Patty: No one at that school is gouging anyone.
Luke: Well, sure. Why bother with that when they've got access to guns, tasers, knives, and nunchucks?
Kirk: Nunchucks are cool. And deadly.

Miss Patty: Look at that turnout. And the hips of Anna Pavlova. You must bring her to my ballet class.
Luke: Where ballerinas are maiming each other to be in The Nutcracker? Fat chance of that.

Luke: Hey, I didn't want to bug you. I just wanted to drop off some food for you guys and get going.
Lorelai: Luke, you didn't have to do that.
Luke: No, it's all right. I wanted to make some stuff anyway, so... All right, I'm gonna get out of here now.
Lorelai: He's okay. The surgery went well.
Luke: Oh, that's terrific. That is such good news.
Lorelai: He doing really well. They think he'll be able to go home in a couple days.
Luke: Oh, that's so good. Yeah. So, how's he looking?
Lorelai: Um... he looks good. Big. Tall.
Luke: That's good. Yeah, he's tall. He's a big man.
Lorelai: He is a big, tall man.

Luke: Okay, so, look, I got a couple of burgers, assortment of sandwiches. There's some salads just in case all of the sudden you want to eat some salad. All right, couple pieces of pie, half a dozen chocolate-chip cookies, and, of course, there is the fish bag.
Lorelai: You brought a fish bag?
Luke: I heard somebody talking about fish. There's two fillets, okay, lobster roll, fish tacos, two tuna-fish sandwiches, some fried fish, and fish sticks.

Luke: Seems like yesterday she was taking up three tables at the diner with those giant books of hers. Yep. She was something. Is something.

Luke: You know... I'm sorry, too, 'cause... I don't know, it's just... now that I've had April, it's... I've learned a lot, and I was crazy to think that I had to fix everything in my relationship with April before I could really be with you. And that's just not how you fix things. I mean things just don't stand still. They're always changing.
Lorelai: Yeah.
Luke: I guess I was compartmentalizing? If that's what you call it. I mean, I should have opened my compartments. I should have gotten your help.
Lorelai: I wanted to help.
Luke: I know. And I'm sorry. And I'm sorry, also, because I think I used April to pushed you away.
Lorelai: You did, huh?
Luke: Yeah, I think so. I was afraid, and... I'm so sorry.
Lorelai: It's really okay.
Luke: I'm glad.
Lorelai: Me too.