Lorelai: I'm just saying it's a cliche.
Emily: What is?
Lorelai: Hospital food being bad.
Emily: Exactly.
Lorelai: What?
Emily: It's a cliche for a reason. Cliches are true things that people are tired of being true. Like, "a penny saved is a penny earned." Well it is, invested wisely.
Lorelai: I don't think that's a cliche, mom.
Emily: What do you mean? Of course it's a cliche.
Lorelai: It's not a cliche. That's more an overused saying, like "I'm sweating bullets" or "it's as cold as ice."
Emily: Well, some overused sayings are true, like "children should be seen and not heard."
Lorelai: "Mother knows best."
Emily: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Rory: I keep thinking this is all just a nightmare.
Lorelai: I know.
Rory: But it's not.
Lorelai: No. I mean, it's a nightmare but not a nightmare nightmare. I know 'cause I have shoes on. In my nightmares, I never am wearing shoes.
Rory: I didn't know that.
Lorelai: Yeah, yeah. It's the worst thing in the dream, too. I could be chased by snakes or in a nuclear explosion, but then I look down, and, "Oh, my god! I'm not wearing shoes!"
Rory: Huh. I wonder what that means.
Lorelai: Well, probably means I have a fear of hurting my bare feet or of losing my shoes.
Rory: Not so Freudian, huh?
Lorelai: For me, a snake is just a snake, a slingback is just a slingback.

Emily: What happened to all the competent people? That's what I'd like to know. Was there some giant hole they all fell into or a virus that struck them all down, leaving the morons of the world to sit behind the desks?
Lorelai: Mom, wouldn't you like to sit down, have a nice cup of tea?
Emily: I don't want a cup of tea. What I want is the most perfunctory level of competence from the people with whom I interact. And that apparently is far too much to ask for.
Rory: Grandma, we have snacks.
Lorelai: Yes, Mom, snacks. We have salty snacks and sweet snacks and sweet/salty hybrid snacks.
Emily: I mean, even at the club, I'm telling you, the young men and women that work there must have a combined I.Q. of a grapefruit. You ask them for a towel, and they look at you with the most vacant eyes. I'm telling you, I thought the girl at reception was blind the entire first month she worked there. Blind, but very enthusiastic about the application of eyeliner.
Lorelai: Sounds pretty.
Emily: My husband has a heart attack, and how long does it take them to find me? 40 minutes. The nitwit probably got lost between the front desk and the tennis courts.

Emily: Oh, and you know what really irks me? They very rarely serve fish.
Lorelai: That's terrible, especially for people who love fish.
Emily: In a way, it's their fault that Richard's here.
Lorelai: Mom, what do you mean?
Emily: Two and a half months ago, I read an article that said fish has been shown to prevent heart attacks and stroke and has innumerable other health benefits.
Rory: [to Logan] Hey.
Emily: It's the omega-3 fatty acids. That and the fact that it's an incredibly lean source of protein. So I immediately had the maid cut out the article so I could show it to Richard. And he agreed to eat more fish, but he said not for dinner. And my spineless kitchen staff caved.

Emily: And I watched his hands closely. They're steady as a statue's. Oh, and, Richard, he's Yale undergrad, Harvard medical school.
Richard: You don't say. Well, if he does a good job, I'll forget the Harvard part. I'll write that off as a youthful indiscretion.

Lorelai: Are you okay, Dad? I mean, how are you feeling, considering everything? You okay? You look okay.
Richard: Well, all in all, I think I'd rather be in Philadelphia.
Rory: [chuckles] Ronald Reagan.
Richard: Quoting W.C. Fields.
Rory: Oh, I didn't know that.
Lorelai: It would be great time now. You know, winter in Philadelphia is a great time to see the Liberty Bell and the cream cheese. And... that's all I got on Philadelphia.
Emily: Lorelai.
Lorelai: Well, the cheesesteaks. The Philly cheesesteaks.

Babette: [on the phone] What's the news with your dad?
Lorelai: Well, he's in surgery right now, but we think he's gonna be okay.
Babette: Oh, yeah, I'm sure. Don't you worry about a thing. He's a very vital man, your dad. Lots of chi, you know?
Lorelai: Oh really? I didn't know you noticed his chi.
Babette: Are you kidding me? Prana, chi, life force... whatever you call it, your daddy's got it in spades. Sexy men like him often do. That's what makes them so sexy. They're ripe with life.
Lorelai: O-kay.
Babette: He's gonna be fine.
Lorelai: Thanks, Babette.
Babette: He's like Warren Beatty, your dad, or Sean Connery, or... who's that one I always found so sexy? The evil politician with the glasses... Henry Kissinger!
Lorelai: Oh, yeah, I know him.
Babette: You might not agree with his politics. You might have lived through Vietnam and thought, "Wow, that man is the devil," but you can't deny he's sexy. You know why? Chi.

Emily: Lorelai, six years ago, when your father was in the hospital, we were completely unprepared, and we agreed to never let that happen again. So we made a plan, and I am simply following through on the plan.
Lorelai: So your plan was to chat up Persephone's to make sure you don't lose your special table and to order tons of swordfish and salmon to keep your skin glowing and to happily discuss with Quentin whether or not Dad should be resuscitated?
Emily: These are things that need to be dealt with.
Lorelai: No, what has to be dealt with is that Dad could be dying. What you're dealing with is phone calls and a checklist. You're not his secretary, mom. You're his wife.
Emily: Yes. And what do you know about being a wife? You've been married for what 40 days? Your father and I have been married for over 40 years. For 2/3rds of my life, I have been the wife of Richard Gilmore. I run his household. I plan his meals. I buy his clothes, I entertain his business associates. When he loses his reading glasses, I find them. When he wants a nightcap, I make it for him. If he can't remember the name of a colleague's wife, I whisper it in his ear. That's what I do. I take care of him. That's my job. That's who I am. And if I could be performing his surgery right now, I would be, but I can't.. It's out of my hands. [sobs] It's out of my hands, and there's nothing I can do but wait. I could lose him, Lorelai. He's my whole life, and there's nothing I can do!

Babette: Oh, this is gonna be good, what with this one here and the two palms, oh, boy, Morey's eyes are gonna pop out of his head!
Lorelai: Why? Does he find plants particularly startling?
Babette: I'm making a jungle.
Lorelai: A jungle?
Babette: For the bedroom.
Lorelai: Ugh! Enough said.
Babette: Hey, is that your inside phone?
Lorelai: Yeah, I'll call them back.
Babette: So, anyway, I got this negligee with sort of a snake pattern...

Babette: You know who's a man of mystery? Morey. After decades in the bedroom, who would have thought that the idea of dressing up like a howler monkey would be such a turn-on?