Amy: Robert, you've always said that wearing that uniform gives you such self-confidence. You know, how every day you put on that badge and squat down to look at yourself in the mirror.

Amy: Where do you keep your after-Marie liquor?
Ray: We don't have any liquor.
Debra: Top cabinet, behind the Cream of Wheat.

Amy: So you're not living there anymore? Just like that? Isn't there some sort of appeals process?
Debra: I'm sorry.
Amy: Is it money? We can pay more money.
Debra: Amy, Amy I tried. There is no amount.

Marie: Say hello, Robbie.
Robert: Hello, Amy. Hello, Stefania. Hello, Amy and Stefania. Together in my mother's living room.
Stefania: Roberto.
Amy: Bastardo.

Amy: Robert, they're fine! It's my parents. They stand there and pass judgment and try to make everyone ashamed of themselves.
Hank: Amy, please, I think you're getting a little wound up.
Pat: I agree, sweetie. This could possibly be because you missed church today.
Amy: Mother, I did not miss church today. I chose not to go.
Pat: Oh.
Amy: You know why? Because Robert and I wanted to sleep in. Don't say "oh" yet. He sleeps over many nights. And you know what? I've decided that it's not a sin.
Pat: Now can I say "oh"?

Amy: You introduced me to Robert. And then you helped me get over him, and get back together with him, get over him again, and then marry him. And so now I want to help you.
Debra: With what?
Amy: Your marriage. Here. I read this great book. I thought of you the whole time.
Debra: "Marriage is an Amusement Park."
Amy: Isn't that a good analogy?
Debra: Oh. Well, I think I get it. The ups and downs, like a roller coaster.
Amy: Yeah. But that's just one chapter. There's "Haunted House," "The Hall of Mirrors", "Ride Maintenance."
Debra: How about the rides that make you throw up?
Amy: That's great. But they're all in here, and the point is: You might not like all the attractions, but you have to accept the whole park. [Debra is silent] This is the couple that wrote it. They're both licensed clinical social workers, but they're funny too.
Debra: Yeah, they look funny.
Amy: Yeah, they're funny... but they can help.

Amy: Dad, don't be so angry. Everybody has their little ways of coping in their relationship, even me.
Robert: Of course. What do you mean, you?
Amy: It's nothing. Just... You know how you always have to have your toothbrush in the holder always facing to the right?
Robert: Yeah, east.
Amy: I know, east. So sometimes - I don't know why - I turn it... west.
Robert: That's you?!

Stefania: You were also Roberto's girlfriend?
Amy: As a matter of fact, pretty much at the same time you were.
Debra: I was looking at your red wines. Which Chianti would arrive the soonest?
Stefania: But Roberto did not ever speak of you.
Amy: Yeah, he was good like that.
Stefania: Oh! If I had known... Non abbastanza mi lascia, ora scopro di essere "l'altra donna". bastardo!
Amy: I'm not sure what you said, but I like how it ended.

Debra: Amy, where's your mom?
Amy: Oh, she's runnin' around like a headless chicken... [imitates Pat] making sure all the relatives are comfortable and are seated properly. Oh, dear, tiny Aunt Florence. Can you see from there? Would you like a cushion or a phone book? [normally] Hi, Mom!
Pat: Hello.
Amy: I'm sorry, Mother. You know I was just foolin' around.
Pat: Oh, I know, honey. That never bothers me. And you're so good at it.

Amy: Marie, we didn't really like the chicken cacciatore you made for us, so we ordered Chinese instead.
Robert: Amy!
Amy: When she came over this morning, I think she noticed the takeout containers. It was just a matter of time!