Amy: You're Stefania?
Stefania: Si. And you are?
Amy: I'm Amy. Robert's other ex-girlfriend. Or as I'll be known as from now on, the plain one.

Debra: Amy, are you all right?
Amy: I'm great! I'm on my way over here to drive you guys to the airport for your romantic getaway. Of course, I'm able to do that on a Friday night because Gianni and I broke up.
Debra: Oh really? Yeah?
Ray: Oh man. That's tough. Should we get goin'?
Amy: Here's the thing, I kinda had to abandon my car in this 50-foot snowdrift, then walk 20 blocks to get here.
Ruined my new shoes, got frostbite on my pinky toe, and... Oh! Right before my car battery died, the guy on the radio said - here's the part you'll care about - the airport's closed.
Ray: Oh, no!
Debra: Oh, no!
Amy: Yes. So I lost my car, my shoes, not to mention my boyfriend, for nothing. And I'll die alone with nine toes.

Robert: Hey, Amy.
Amy: What did you do?!
Robert: What do you mean?
Amy: What did you do? The invitations! My Aunt Lynn got this in the mail. What did you do?!
Robert: Oh, my God. This was in the mail?
Amy: What did you do, Robert?
Robert: Nothing, nothing. This wasn't supposed to go out.
Debra: Wait a minute. What's the problem? Oh, my God!
Amy: I know! I couldn't even finish reading it because someone was screaming, and then I realized it was me!

Amy: Look at this! "Hank 'n Pat"?! "'n Pat"?! '"n Pat"?! They're not hillbillies, Robert! "Hank 'n' Pat MacDougall request the honor of your presents"
Debra: Robert, you spelled "presents" like gifts!
Robert: It wasn't supposed to go out!
Amy: You even put the wrong date! It's the ninth, not the sixth. People are gonna show up three days early!
Debra: And, Robert, what is this? "Attire optional"?!
Amy: It's black tie optional! "Attire optional" means maybe naked! There's going to be nude people! At the church! On a Wednesday!
Robert: It wasn't supposed to go out.

Amy: You've been talking to Joanne about getting back together. For how long, sweetie?
Robert: I don't know. Before Italy, but see, that's why I'm telling you, because I wanna be totally honest, because I feel that we are meant to be.
Amy: Meant to be.
Robert: Don't you?
Amy: Let me see. You've been talking with your ex-wife for over a month behind my back-
Robert: Well, yeah, but see you're not focusing on the positive part of the story.
Amy: Oh, but I am, Robert. I'm happy. I mean, this is all such wonderful news. You've been deceitful and you're settling for me. But, hey, before I get really really really happy, is there anything else you want to share with me?
Robert: No.
Amy: Well, good, because I don't think I could get much happier. And thank you for another fabulous evening. Tonight, I'm taking the leftovers. I'll be in the office tomorrow if anybody wants to send me flowers.
Robert: [to the waitress] Perhaps we should cancel the spumoni.

Marie: Oh, I couldn't wish for a nicer daughter-in-law.
Frank: Let's celebrate with some lasagna.
Amy: Wait, wait, wait, wait! We're not getting married.
Marie: Of course, you're getting married. Don't be silly. That makes everything all right.
Amy: Robert, six months ago when I asked about our future you freaked out and we broke up. Now you're ready to get married just because you're afraid of what your mother thinks?
Marie: Sometimes a mother knows best, dear.
Amy: Sometimes a mother should just butt out!
Frank: Hey, Robert, you've got to marry this one. [chuckles]

Marie: I will not be talked to that way.
Amy: Look, sorry. I've had a very rough couple of days here. I wait my whole life for the right time and the right man to be my first, and now an entire building has a petition against me. And then the second time I'm with my first, his mother walks in on us. And now you're ready to get married just to make her happy? What is this hold she has on you?
Ray: [to Debra] See, it's not just me.
Amy: I can't even cry, because if I dab my eyes, my pants will fall down. So excuse me, Marie, for not being polite. And by the way, sometimes the noodles in your lasagna are overcooked. [storms out; all gasp]
Marie: Clearly, that is not the girl for you. You understand, Robby? Robby? Robby! [Robert leaves] Where is he going?
Frank: Maybe his wallet is in those pants.

Marie: I just feel horrible. For a custodian to see all this mess. I think I'll straighten up.
Amy: [enters] Hey. Chris and his dad are outside and he asked me to get his keys for him. It seemed like he didn't want to come back inside.
Robert: I don't blame him. It was kind of a nightmare.
Amy: Oh, yeah? Did your mother come over and make things worse as usual?
[Behind Amy, Marie pushes aside the door and glares at her]

Robert: Oh, good, Amy, you're here. I'm gonna need your office address.
Amy: Who the hell is Stefania?
Robert: Uh... uh... uh...
Amy: Sounds like a girl's name. Girl you met in Italy?
Robert: Uh...
Amy: What did you do with her in Italy?
Robert: Very little.
[Amy steps up onto the couch and slaps Robert across the face]
Robert: I'm sorry.
[Amy steps down off the couch, walks over to the door and then turns back. She jumps up on the couch and once again slaps Robert across the face]
Amy: I saved myself for you.
Robert: Really sorry.
Amy: Goodbye, Robert. [exits]
Robert: But we're meant to be.
Ray: When she got up on the couch the second time, what did you think she was gonna do?

Marie: I take exception to that, Debra.
Debra: Well, I take exception to what you think, Marie. You think just because you were a good girl in the '50s--
Frank: "Good girl"! Ha!
Marie: Oh, Frank, no!
Robert: Oh, Mom.
Ray: What the hell are you talking about?
Debra: ls that true, Marie?
Marie: l.. I... I.. Uh...
Amy: Go ahead, Marie. I won't tell anyone.