Mary: Gerry!
Joe: Gerry!
Aunt Sarah: But the offer ends today, Mary.
Mary: Gerry!
Aunt Sarah: Gerry!
Joe: Gerry! Gerry!
Mary: Gerry!
Aunt Sarah: Gerry!
Joe: Gerry!
Gerry: [enters] Was someone calling?

Mary: Will this be enough?
Gerry: I thought you weren't going to bother making lunch, we were going to get something there.
Mary: We are. This is for the journey.
Gerry: It's an hour on the train, love.
Mary: Aye, better do a few more rounds.
Gerry: No more rounds. For the love of God, put the knife down, woman.

Gerry: What's happened here?
Mary: Starting a healthy eating plan, Gerry.
Gerry: What?!
Aunt Sarah: No sugar, no dairy, no carbs, no meat.
Gerry: That's not a healthy eating plan, that's a no eating plan!
Mary: Don't be so dramatic, Gerry. We can have oranges.
Gerry: Oranges?
Mary: We can have as many oranges as we like.
Gerry: We can't survive on oranges alone, girls!

Mary: We've no choice, Gerry.
Aunt Sarah: We both need to drop a dress size before this school reunion.
Gerry: The school reunion is tonight, isn't it?
Mary: That's right.
Gerry: And the orange diet started when?
Mary: About 20 minutes ago.
Aunt Sarah: 25, maybe.
Gerry: Oh, sure, you're laughing, then.

Mary: Is there another way we can shift half a stone before eight o'clock?
Gerry: Cut off a leg?

Erin: Jenny Joyce's mammy? You were friends with Jenny's mammy?
Aunt Sarah: But sure she lost the run of herself then, Mary, didn't she? Started using fancy words and all.
Gerry: What kind of fancy words?
Aunt Sarah: Like, you know, "brunch".
Joe: What even is brunch?
Erin: It's a sort of half breakfast, half lunch.
Orla: Like a cornflake sandwich.
Gerry: Sounds good.

Aunt Sarah: Jesus, but I cannot tear myself away from them vol-au-vents. I think it's because we were restricting ourselves so much, Mary.
Gerry: Yeah, I'd say it was a tough afternoon, all right.

Mary: Would you like a bowl of porridge, Eammon? I'm microwaving them.
Eammon: I would surely. Now, Gerry, I had a bit of bother with the bathroom door. It was sticking there.
Gerry: No worries, Eammon. I'll see to it later.
Eammon: Great stuff. [brings the door into the living room] I'll just leave it here then. Right, I'd better pop up and pull on me so. [exits]
Gerry: What in the name...?
Mary: Don't start, Gerry.
Gerry: When is he leaving?
Mary: Have a bit of sympathy. The fella's roof fell in.
Gerry: Yeah, well, I'm starting to think he might have had a hand in that.
Mary: He's our cousin! We can't just throw him out on the street.
Aunt Sarah: Especially not since Mary kill his mother.
Mary: I did not kill his mother!
Gerry: I'm at the end of me rope! The man is a liability.
Mary: He's not that bad, love. [crashing sound]
Eammon: [o.s.] Gerry! I think you'd better come up and take a look at this. [microwave pings]
Joe: Well?!
Gerry: Be right with you, Eammon!

Colm: I must say now, Eammon, I hardly recognised you in your shorts.
Eammon: I'm like a new man, Colm.
Joe: Ah, they do wonders for him, don't they?
Eammon: Thanks, Joe. It's just nice to have something positive to focus on, after what happened with my roof, you know.
Colm: God, aye. I'm sure that hit you hard.
Eammon: Oh, it did, Colm. Literally.
Gerry: How are the repairs coming along, Eammon?
Eammon: Slowly but surely. Slowly but surely, Gerry.
Gerry: No word of when you'll be able to move back in?
Eammon: Not as yet, no, but as I said to the builders, I'm in no great rush. Happy enough where I am.
Gerry: Grand, so.

Ciaran: That'll be £3.75, please. And have you got your wee docket there?
Gerry: Yeah, I do.
Ciaran: It's a wee red slip of paper, about yay big.
Gerry: Yeah.
Ciaran: Dark blue lettering, it has.
Gerry: Yeah, I know.
Ciaran: Not a navy blue, now. More like a royal blue.
Gerry: I know what it looks like.
Ciaran: Times New Roman, I believe the font is called.
Gerry: I just can't find it.
Joe: Prick.