Gerry: Why have you got a surfboard, Joe?
Joe: Jim across the road gave me the lend.
Gerry: I'll start again. What are you planning to do with the surfboard, Joe?
Joe: Surf. Something I always fancied doing, ever since I saw that film, the one where the lads try to catch thon big fish.
Gerry: What film is that?
Joe: You know, the big fish, the musical fish.
Gerry: The musical fish?
Joe: He hums a tune before he attacks people. They try to catch him but their boat's too wee.
Gerry: Are you talking about Jaws?
Joe: That's the one.
Gerry: Jaws made you want to take up surfing?
Joe: Aye.
Gerry: Grand so.

News Anchor: [on TV] Ian Paisley and the DUP say they will not enter any kind of talks with Sinn Fein unless the IRA decommission all arms.
Aunt Sarah: I'm convinced they don't know where they are.
Gerry: What's that?
Aunt Sarah: The IRA. Well, after the ceasefire they've all this stuff just lying about, you know, their guns, their Semtex, their other bits and bobs, and there's nothing worse than clutter.
Mary: Exactly like Mammy's Toby jug collection.
Aunt Sarah: I was just thinking that, Mary.
Mary: I bagsed them all up, stored them somewhere safe, thought no more about them. Six months later Daddy wants to plant some seeds in John Wayne. Well, can I remember where I put them?
Gerry: Are you saying you think the IRA won't decommission because they've misplaced their balaclavas?
Mary: I mean, they'll turn up, I'm sure.
Gerry: The balaclavas?
Mary: The Toby jugs.

Aideen: Well, I mean, there was someone once, but, he's married now, so.
Aunt Sarah: But not to you.
Aideen: Sure it's only what I deserve, after what happened. Isn't that what everybody thinks?
Mary: Is it?
Aideen: But sure, who hasn't made a mistake in their time, girls?
Aunt Sarah: Don't talk to me. I had a perm in '85 that made me look like Leo Sayer. Dark days. Very dark days.