Narrator: Oscar, meanwhile, checked in on Buster.
Oscar: Buster! Buster! Be careful!
Buster: It's not a real hand, remember?
Oscar: I'm so forgetful. I hope you don't get that from me.
Buster: Get that from you? Do you feel okay?
[Buster holds the back of his artificial hand against Oscar's forehead]
Oscar: Just forget it! I wanted to share my Pop Secret with you. Oh, but forget it!
Buster: Pop secret? Pop se- Is Oscar my real father?

Buster: Where's your dad?
George Michael: I don't know. I just got here.
Buster: Oh, that's right. Mother told me he went to jail. I'm so mad at her. Guess who I just found out my father is?
George Michael: Jail?
Buster: Oscar! He didn't mean to tell me, but I figured it out.
George Michael: No, I mean, my dad is in jail?
Buster: Oh, I wouldn't worry about it. Barry's very good. Okay, I'm going upstairs to take a long shower. I don't even want to smell like Mother anymore.
George Michael: I don't think we're supposed to shower right now, Bus-

Michael: Where is everybody?
Buster: How should I know, Michael? As soon as Father came back, I've been like the invisible man. Hello? Can anyone see me?
Michael: Where's your hand, anyway?
Buster: Why even bother getting dressed up? I have no one.
Michael: What? Buster, come on now, you know, if you're really lonely, maybe it's time you went out there and you got yourself a girlf- a pet.
Buster: How about a turtle?
Michael: Great.
Buster: I've always loved those leathery little snappy faces. [giggles]
Michael: You certainly have a type.

Michael: And, Mom, what is with all the family photos?
Tobias: Oh, I'm teaching Buster to stand up for himself. I'm surrogating your mother.
Michael: By wearing her sealskin coat?
Tobias: Michael, I have tried on everything, and nothing seems be working.
Buster: I thought the Donna Karan worked; you just didn't have the right shoes.

Narrator: Back at the penthouse, party preparations were underway.
Lucille: He's not wearing that to the party. I've go the exact same thing.
Buster: No, he was just analraping me.

Narrator: As Maeby found herself stuck in a beauty pageant, Lucille was meeting with attorney Bob Loblaw about getting her son out of the Army.
Lucille: My God, he's already lost a hand. If he loses a leg, how will we ever get him out of the apartment?
Bob Loblaw: Well, the Army does have a one-in-one-out program, where the inductee is relieved of duty once he enlists someone to take his place.
Buster: So I'm supposed to find some poor, innocent soul and hook him?
Lucille: Well, that's not going to help sign anyone. Where's your hand?
Buster: Oh, it got stuck in the prize hole again.
Lucille: I told you not to play that stupid game anymore.
[flashback:]
Buster: Ah! There goes number three.
[present:]
Buster: I wasn't playing it. I was just trying to get my other one back.

Buster: "At Risk Male Youth." That spells "Army."
Narrator: And that's when Buster discovered a recruiting pool the government had been fishing for years.
Buster: I may head down there, too.

Buster: Hey, possible nephew.
Steve Holt: Oh, hey.

Buster: She's a spy!
Michael: Rita is not a spy, okay? She's a beautiful, elegant woman. It doesn't make any sense.
Gob: What doesn't make any sense is why she's dating you.
Bob Loblaw: No, that's a good point. Actually my sources tell me that the leak goes by the name "Mr. F."
Michael: Ah. "Mr. F." Rita's not a man.
Gob: As far as you know.
Lucille: And it could be an alias.
Buster: Alias is a show about a spy!

Michael: She's not pregnant. Truthfully, we haven't even slept together.
Lucille: [laughs] This is funny!
Buster: He's gay!
Lucille: Where's your hand?
Buster: Oh. I'm having my high school ring put on it, and my hook is stuck in the staircar.