Chaz Montana: Anything for you, teammate. And I mean that. Anything.
Sally: Okay, well, you know, I really enjoy predicting the weather, but, uh, I'd love to move up and start predicting the news.

Sally: So you think I'm ready to go out in the field?
Chaz Montana: Yes, we're ready to throw you in the deep end: dinner and then a Gordon Lightfoot show at the Rutherdome. The station's got a luxury box.
Sally: Okay. Gordon Lightfoot. Um, okay, I know just what I'd ask him. Um, ahem. Mr. Lightfoot, you've been in the music industry for over three decades. Given the recent changes in music distribution via the Internet, would you rather be attacked by a bear or a bear with a gun?

Sally: Oh, listen, Chaz, I was wondering. Um, if I really nail this whole news thing, do you think I could get a job on The View? Because I've watched that show, and I could kick the crap out of any one of 'em. Well, maybe not the big one.
Chaz Montana: Sally, I don't mean to brag here, but I happen to know the lady finder over at The View.
Sally: Really?
Chaz Montana: Yes, absolutely. I mean, inside connections are everything in this business. And along those same lines, I got you a corsage.
Sally: [gasp] Hey! A pin-on flower! This is like something Barbara Walters would wear.

Sally: You guys, check it out. Get a free black-and-white TV.
Harry: [shrieks] I've only ever seen color TVs.
Sally: All we have to do is attend a brief time-share presentation.
Dick: They're giving out TVs and presentations? What's in it for them?
Sally: Suckers.

Harry: [on the phone] Come on. I want to hear you say it. Oh, I love you, too. [hangs up]
Sally: Oh, who was that?
Harry: Tommy.
Sally: How's he doing at college?
Harry: Oh, terrible. He said something about a fraternity and being hazed by Greeks, and it's "Hell Week". He doesn't know if he's gonna make it.
Sally: Hell Week? He could be in mortal danger.
Dick: [enters] Family meeting! Family meeting!
Sally: I got to get to Tommy's school. He could be dead already.
Dick: Now? But I want to show you my new book.
Sally: Listen to me, I will do anything to keep Tommy or any member of this family from being killed, even if it means killing you or any member of this family!

Tommy: Sally, this place has the best parties, the nicest girls, and some of the skankiest girls. Which is why the frat brothers are putting us through a series of tests... to make sure none of the weenie geeks get in.
Sally: Oh, I see. So you're worried, 'cause you're a weenie geek.
Tommy: No. I merely have some concerns that the frat selection process might not be scientific. I just wish I knew what the pledge master has planned.
Sally: Tommy, you know, I might be able to help you here. As it happens, I'm not just a master of escape, but I am also a master of getting into places and... sneakily secret finding.
Tommy: Infiltration.
Sally: Thank you. Infiltration. Oh, yeah, you're not a geek.

Sally: Harry, look. Just keep your eyes peeled for someone who looks a little off. All right? Now, let's get us some of that prize-winnin' fudge.
Jedediah: We also need two boxes of 5-inch nails for the barn-raising tomorrow.
Sally: Okay, they look strange.
Harry: Yeah. And they can levitate barns.
Sally: All right. You stay here. I'm gonna go feel it out. All right? Hello. Excuse me. Um, I couldn't help but notice that you guys look really weird.
Annabet: We are Amish.
Sally: They're Amish!
Harry: Yeah. They're from the planet Am!
Sally: Bingo!

Sally: Oh, hey. Uh, we're Sally and Harry. The Cougars. And we just wanted to congratulate you on takin' home all that hardware the other night.
Jedediah: Yes, I'm pleased to finally have a galvanized milking machine.
Sally: I thought it was called the Probie, but whatever. Look, you're winners, we're losers. You guys clearly have the superior mission.
Harry: Yeah. We're here to learn your ways.
Sally: Yeah.
Prudence: Who is it, Father?
Jedediah: Outsiders, Prudence.
Harry: Well, hello there. Thou.
Jedediah: Others have come to us and asked to be shown our ways, but they lacked the will.
Sally: Well, hey, we got great stamina.
Prudence: Father, it is harvest time.
Jedediah: I suppose in years past we have taken on extra hands.
Sally: "Extra hands"? Okay, that we gotta see.

Sally: Jedediah, we have great news. Harry and I have decided to join your team permanently.
Annabet: It's funny you should say that.
Jedediah: Because we want you to leave our community.
Sally: Leave? But we're making such a difference!
Jedediah: That's the problem. You organized buggy races for gambling purposes.
Annabet: And you made from 1900 calls from our community phone. Shame.

Sally: Oh, my God. Look at this place.
Harry: Yeah, there must have been a robbery here.
Sally: Oh, no. I'm gonna go with murder.
Harry: No way. Robbery.
Sally: Murder.
Harry: Robbery.
Sally: Murder!
Harry: Robbery!
Sally: You know what? Let's not argue about it. Hopefully, we're both right, okay?