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‘Mary Loves Scoochie: Part One’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

3rd Rock from the Sun: Mary Loves Scoochie: Part One

617. Mary Loves Scoochie: Part One

Aired May 8, 2001

After the Solomons lose out at the Alien Awards to another unit in Ohio, Sally and Harry search for extraterrestrials in the Buckeye state. Meanwhile, Dick is upset to learn Mary has been receiving romantic letters from another man.

Quote from Harry

Harry: Did we win?
Dick: No.
Harry: Oh, man! Great! So much for the mission bein' renewed next fall.

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Quote from Harry

Harry: So then we followed the Team X aliens in their horse and buggy. Most boring car chase in history. Yeah. I had to make all the tire screeching noises myself.

Quote from Dick

Harry: Welcome back to the Alien Award Show. And now the award for best alien uniform worn in a non-violent mission...
Dick: Sally, come on. They're doing uniforms.
Harry: The Plecto Alien.
Dick: Oh, darn. The Plectos are getting everything.
Harry: Accepting on behalf of the Plectos is their High Commander-
Dick: Oh, where's the remote?
Harry: Lieutenant Colonel Zorgon- [Harry is muted]
Sally: I miss anything good?
Dick: No. Only the tribute to all the aliens who died last year.

Quote from Dick

Harry: [sings] It's the Alien Awards Show [Sally and Dick applaud] And now the award for best mission in a single-sun solar system.
Sally: This is us.
Harry: This Earth-based crew has tirelessly chronicled human feats and foibles in central Ohio.
Sally: Oh, God! Oh.
Dick: I'll do the thank-yous, then you step in and thank me, and then I'll wrap it up with some crap about how this belongs to everyone.
Sally: Okay.
Harry: And the Probie Award goes to... Team X!
Sally: Team X?
Dick: A- Are we Team X?
Sally: No, of course not. We're the Cougars!
Dick: Oh, damn!
Harry: Team X is on location and unable to attend.
Dick: Oh, turn it off.
Harry: Accepting on behalf of Team X is Sachie Little- [sneezes]

Quote from Dick

Dick: I must put these pantyhose back exactly where I found them, or Mary will get suspicious. Missing a leg. Could be worse. Oh. What's this? Oh... dear Mary. She saved all the love letters I sent her. Wait a minute. I never sent her any love letters. "Love, Scoochie." "Love, Scoochie"! "Much love, Scoochie." It's getting worse! Who is this cursed Scoochie?! And what is this wonderful, manly scent?

Quote from Sally

Sally: Harry, look. Just keep your eyes peeled for someone who looks a little off. All right? Now, let's get us some of that prize-winnin' fudge.
Jedediah: We also need two boxes of 5-inch nails for the barn-raising tomorrow.
Sally: Okay, they look strange.
Harry: Yeah. And they can levitate barns.
Sally: All right. You stay here. I'm gonna go feel it out. All right? Hello. Excuse me. Um, I couldn't help but notice that you guys look really weird.
Annabet: We are Amish.
Sally: They're Amish!
Harry: Yeah. They're from the planet Am!
Sally: Bingo!

Quote from Sally

Sally: Oh, hey. Uh, we're Sally and Harry. The Cougars. And we just wanted to congratulate you on takin' home all that hardware the other night.
Jedediah: Yes, I'm pleased to finally have a galvanized milking machine.
Sally: I thought it was called the Probie, but whatever. Look, you're winners, we're losers. You guys clearly have the superior mission.
Harry: Yeah. We're here to learn your ways.
Sally: Yeah.
Prudence: Who is it, Father?
Jedediah: Outsiders, Prudence.
Harry: Well, hello there. Thou.
Jedediah: Others have come to us and asked to be shown our ways, but they lacked the will.
Sally: Well, hey, we got great stamina.
Prudence: Father, it is harvest time.
Jedediah: I suppose in years past we have taken on extra hands.
Sally: "Extra hands"? Okay, that we gotta see.

Quote from Nina

Nina: Oh. Good morning, Dr. Solomon.
Dick: Fat lot you know. Or should I say fat lot you know... Scoochie? [off Nina's look] Mind your own business. What are you doing?
Nina: [writes down] One day there's going to be something called a competency hearing, and I want to be prepared.
Dick: Well... Well, so do I... Do I have to study for it?

Quote from Dick

Mary: Frankly, Dick I'm relieved.
Dick: Who is Scoochie?!
Mary: I don't know!
Dick: You don't know?!
Mary: I swear I've never met him. I started getting these letters a couple of years ago. He's probably an old student with a crush.
Dick: No student from our college could write that well.
Mary: I know. I thought about throwing them out, but nobody's ever said such beautiful things about me.
Dick: Oh, Mary, it's easy for some stranger to say nice things. They don't know you like I do.
Mary: [flatly] Thanks.

Quote from Harry

Harry: Oh, boy howdy, am I tired! But it's a good tired 'cause with work like this, it makes you feel like you've really accomplished somethin'.
Prudence: Brother Harry, you sound like you plowed the entire south field.
Jedediah: No, but he finally got both boots on.
Harry: Yeah. I tell you, I was racin' the sun.
Prudence: I hope you're hungry, Harry. We set a mighty table.
Harry: Mmm. I know. I saw one of your forks out there in the barn.

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