Harry: Did we win?
Dick: No.
Harry: Oh, man! Great! So much for the mission bein' renewed next fall.

Harry: So then we followed the Team X aliens in their horse and buggy. Most boring car chase in history. Yeah. I had to make all the tire screeching noises myself.

Harry: Welcome back to the Alien Award Show. And now the award for best alien uniform worn in a non-violent mission...
Dick: Sally, come on. They're doing uniforms.
Harry: The Plecto Alien.
Dick: Oh, darn. The Plectos are getting everything.
Harry: Accepting on behalf of the Plectos is their High Commander-
Dick: Oh, where's the remote?
Harry: Lieutenant Colonel Zorgon- [Harry is muted]
Sally: I miss anything good?
Dick: No. Only the tribute to all the aliens who died last year.

Harry: [sings] It's the Alien Awards Show [Sally and Dick applaud] And now the award for best mission in a single-sun solar system.
Sally: This is us.
Harry: This Earth-based crew has tirelessly chronicled human feats and foibles in central Ohio.
Sally: Oh, God! Oh.
Dick: I'll do the thank-yous, then you step in and thank me, and then I'll wrap it up with some crap about how this belongs to everyone.
Sally: Okay.
Harry: And the Probie Award goes to... Team X!
Sally: Team X?
Dick: A- Are we Team X?
Sally: No, of course not. We're the Cougars!
Dick: Oh, damn!
Harry: Team X is on location and unable to attend.
Dick: Oh, turn it off.
Harry: Accepting on behalf of Team X is Sachie Little- [sneezes]

Dick: I must put these pantyhose back exactly where I found them, or Mary will get suspicious. Missing a leg. Could be worse. Oh. What's this? Oh... dear Mary. She saved all the love letters I sent her. Wait a minute. I never sent her any love letters. "Love, Scoochie." "Love, Scoochie"! "Much love, Scoochie." It's getting worse! Who is this cursed Scoochie?! And what is this wonderful, manly scent?

Sally: Harry, look. Just keep your eyes peeled for someone who looks a little off. All right? Now, let's get us some of that prize-winnin' fudge.
Jedediah: We also need two boxes of 5-inch nails for the barn-raising tomorrow.
Sally: Okay, they look strange.
Harry: Yeah. And they can levitate barns.
Sally: All right. You stay here. I'm gonna go feel it out. All right? Hello. Excuse me. Um, I couldn't help but notice that you guys look really weird.
Annabet: We are Amish.
Sally: They're Amish!
Harry: Yeah. They're from the planet Am!
Sally: Bingo!

Sally: Oh, hey. Uh, we're Sally and Harry. The Cougars. And we just wanted to congratulate you on takin' home all that hardware the other night.
Jedediah: Yes, I'm pleased to finally have a galvanized milking machine.
Sally: I thought it was called the Probie, but whatever. Look, you're winners, we're losers. You guys clearly have the superior mission.
Harry: Yeah. We're here to learn your ways.
Sally: Yeah.
Prudence: Who is it, Father?
Jedediah: Outsiders, Prudence.
Harry: Well, hello there. Thou.
Jedediah: Others have come to us and asked to be shown our ways, but they lacked the will.
Sally: Well, hey, we got great stamina.
Prudence: Father, it is harvest time.
Jedediah: I suppose in years past we have taken on extra hands.
Sally: "Extra hands"? Okay, that we gotta see.

Nina: Oh. Good morning, Dr. Solomon.
Dick: Fat lot you know. Or should I say fat lot you know... Scoochie? [off Nina's look] Mind your own business. What are you doing?
Nina: [writes down] One day there's going to be something called a competency hearing, and I want to be prepared.
Dick: Well... Well, so do I... Do I have to study for it?

Mary: Frankly, Dick I'm relieved.
Dick: Who is Scoochie?!
Mary: I don't know!
Dick: You don't know?!
Mary: I swear I've never met him. I started getting these letters a couple of years ago. He's probably an old student with a crush.
Dick: No student from our college could write that well.
Mary: I know. I thought about throwing them out, but nobody's ever said such beautiful things about me.
Dick: Oh, Mary, it's easy for some stranger to say nice things. They don't know you like I do.
Mary: [flatly] Thanks.

Harry: Oh, boy howdy, am I tired! But it's a good tired 'cause with work like this, it makes you feel like you've really accomplished somethin'.
Prudence: Brother Harry, you sound like you plowed the entire south field.
Jedediah: No, but he finally got both boots on.
Harry: Yeah. I tell you, I was racin' the sun.
Prudence: I hope you're hungry, Harry. We set a mighty table.
Harry: Mmm. I know. I saw one of your forks out there in the barn.