Geoff: There is so much stuff in here. What's with all these notes from your mom?
Erica: She put one in my lunch every day like a crazy lady, and I just chuck them in here.
Geoff: "Dear Schmoo, I love you more today than I ever have before. I am here for you always."
Erica: Okay, that one's kind of sweet.
Geoff: "Dear Boopie, you're a perfect angel, and Drew Kremp doesn't deserve you. P.S. his Mustang now has some serious scratches"?
Erica: Holy crap. She's the one who keyed Drew's car?!
Geoff: "Dear Squishy, I know change is hard, but I promise you, sweetie, your boobies will grow just like the rest of you." Okay, maybe I shouldn't read all these.

Murray: I told you you're not building a dopey bunker in the basement.
Barry: Thank you for keeping an open mind. I will also need money for the following items. "700 pounds of poured concrete, lifetime supply of potatoes, seven bottles of ketchup for the potatoes"
Murray: There's one in the fridge. Just take that and go.
Barry: There's more. We need, "a chicken, a cage for the chicken, medicine for the chicken, a chicken exercise-wheel, a lady chicken to keep the other chicken company."
Murray: Please stop asking me to build a life for this chicken!

Coach Mellor: What, you got no argument for that one?
Mr. Glascott: No, you're right. That movie has shaken me to my core. I have so many regrets.
Coach Mellor: You got about a week to fix 'em, Andre.
Mr. Glascott: Well, let's start with that one right there. My name is not Andre. I only said it was in college to make myself seem more interesting to the ladies.
Coach Mellor: Let it out.
Mr. Glascott: My name is Jonathan. And I love you, Lunch Lady Bernice! Are you out there? You're probably mashing potatoes.

Murray: What are you so angry about? I'm finally into a hobby. I thought you'd be happy.
Beverly: Happy? This can says "meat." There are no other descriptive words.
Murray: Meat! What more do you need to know? Meat.

Adam: He likes replacing batteries.
Barry: And checking the mail.
Beverly: Okay, you're not helping.
Erica: Oh, and turning the lights off.
Barry: And screaming at us for not turning the lights off.
Beverly: Always being annoyed is not a hobby.
Adam: He also screams when we slide around in socks.
Murray: Hey, stitches aren't free.

Barry: I can't believe it. My girlfriend just broke up with me.
Coach Mellor: I know. We all know. There were hundreds of your judgy peers watching.
Barry: What am I gonna do?
Coach Mellor: Come on. Bring it in for a two-person huddle. Let Coach give you a pep talk with his body.
Barry: [crying]
Coach Mellor: That's it. You soak that rayon shirt down with your boy tears until you feel the strength return.

Adam: So, you think I got what it takes?
Beverly: Squishie, you're so talented they should give you all the Oscars. Best Little Snuggle Goblin, Adam Goldberg.
Adam: Adam F. Goldberg. I don't want to get confused with the other Adam Goldberg in my school. He's got more of a Jim Jarmusch vibe, and I'm more of a Jim Varney.

Adam: This must be what the other Adam Goldberg in school feels like all the time. He's a loose cannon and lives on his own terms.

Barry: You chilly? I sure am. Might as well just crank up this bad boy.
Murray: Hey, you know no one touches that thermostat. It stays locked in at a comfortable 63 degrees, no higher!
Barry: 87 temperature of the rich.
Murray: 87 degrees? What do you think this is, the sun?

Murray: And no monkeying around out there when you're done. This weather is treacherous.
Adam: Oh, here we go. Another lecture on the dangers of cold weather.
Murray: I'm serious. It's not safe out there. You got frostbite, avalanches, and deadly icicles.
Barry: Icicles aren't deadly. They're refreshing and delicious.
Murray: They're knives that can fall from the sky at any moment. Sky knives! They kill a billion people a year.
Adam: That seems high.