Beverly: Look at all the amazing people you're with.
Adam: Yeah, I didn't know Martin from Martin's Aquarium did all this stuff. He plays jazz, sailed around the world.
Erica: Yeah, and that guy from Vantresca's Tuxedo climbs mountains and volunteers at the zoo.
Beverly: Here it is, Mur. Behold.
Barry: "Hobbies: Watching The Weather Channel and 'getting comfortable.'" Hmm. He nailed it.
Beverly: This is all you wrote, Murray?
Murray: What? I only had a month to think of stuff.

Barry: There it is, gentlemen, the answer to all our problems.
Adam: Uh, how, exactly?
Barry: Easy. We steal Cecil the janitor's golf cart and replace the one we sunk. It's the perfect crime.
Naked Rob: But then Cecil has no cart.
Barry: Way ahead of you. We then steal another golf cart from a different country club to replace Cecil's.
Geoff: But then wouldn't the second golf course be missing their cart?
Barry: Which is why we steal and replace golf carts several times a day for the rest of our natural lives.
Matt: Isn't that a Ponzi scheme, bro?
Barry: Fonzie has nothing to do with this, Matthew. He drives a motorcycle.
Andy: Not a Fonzie scheme, dude, Ponzi. And that's exactly what this is.
Barry: Not at all. All we got to do is swipe hundreds, if not thousands, of golf carts to keep our scam alive until we grow old and our children take our place!
Geoff: You really need to go to your sister about this.

Adam: He likes replacing batteries.
Barry: And checking the mail.
Beverly: Okay, you're not helping.
Erica: Oh, and turning the lights off.
Barry: And screaming at us for not turning the lights off.
Beverly: Always being annoyed is not a hobby.
Adam: He also screams when we slide around in socks.
Murray: Hey, stitches aren't free.

Murray: What are you so angry about? I'm finally into a hobby. I thought you'd be happy.
Beverly: Happy? This can says "meat." There are no other descriptive words.
Murray: Meat! What more do you need to know? Meat.

Beverly: What the hell's all this?
Murray: You're looking at our retirement.
Beverly: All right, no more couponing for you. I want my pouch. Give me my pouch.
Murray: It wasn't big enough. We have a savings satchel now.
Beverly: There is no such thing as a savings satchel.
Murray: Tell the ladies at the Pick N' Save. All they could do was look at my satchel.

Erica: Well, I'd say that's a very accurate description of his lifestyle.
Beverly: Not at all! Your father has many wonderful interests and hobbies.
Murray: I do?
Adam: He does?
Beverly: Of course. I mean... Well, for starters, there's...
Barry: I got one. He loves to call us morons.
Murray: I thought of that, but that's not a hobby per se.

Pops: Okay, let's get the hobby ball rolling with the greatest hobby of them all: Music. (singing & playing the banjo) Won't you come home, Bill Bailey? Won't you come home? [stopping] You got to bang the bongos, Mur.
Murray: I don't want to bang the bongos!
Pops: Just bang the bongos.
Murray: I'm not banging the bongos!
Pops: Just give the bongos a little bang.
Murray: If you want the bongos banged so bad, you bang the bongos!
Pops: How can I bang the bongos if I'm playing "Bill Bailey" on the banjo?
Beverly: Murray, stop bickering and bang the bongos!
Murray: Aah!
Pops: [playing the banjo] Won't you come home, Bill Bailey?

Pops: Hey, you got to bang to the beat, Mur. You're not banging to the beat.
Murray: I'm trying the best I can! This stinks.
Pops: Maybe your hobby's being an [bleep].
Murray: What did you say?
Pops: [singing & playing the banjo] Remember that rainy evening? I sent you out.

Erica: What are you two dopes doing?
Adam: Deciding which college we should go to.
Barry: We taped 18 hours' worth of "USA Up All Night" movies and carefully studied them all.
Adam: Got to tell you, it's a tough choice.
Barry: It's between "Screwball Academy".
Adam: Which is ranked first in coed pillow fighting.
Barry: Or the unnamed school from "Sorority House Party," which has a great wet T-shirt program.
Erica: None of it's real! "Bikini Ski School" isn't real.
Adam: You sound like the stuffy dean who lost the mountain in a ski race.

Beverly: I love how close they are.
Murray: Don't encourage these morons. You're aggravating me. Stop it. Stop hitting the balloon!
Beverly: Murray, let me put some salad on your plate.
Murray: This is the worst dinner of my life!