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37Quotes from ‘Snow Day’

The Goldbergs: Snow Day

412. Snow Day

Aired January 11, 2017

When their school is closed a snow day, Adam and Barry revolt against Murray, while Beverly tries to get Erica to focus on a college essay about her hero.

Quote from Murray

Murray: And no monkeying around out there when you're done. This weather is treacherous.
Adam: Oh, here we go. Another lecture on the dangers of cold weather.
Murray: I'm serious. It's not safe out there. You got frostbite, avalanches, and deadly icicles.
Barry: Icicles aren't deadly. They're refreshing and delicious.
Murray: They're knives that can fall from the sky at any moment. Sky knives! They kill a billion people a year.
Adam: That seems high.

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Quote from Murray

Barry: You chilly? I sure am. Might as well just crank up this bad boy.
Murray: Hey, you know no one touches that thermostat. It stays locked in at a comfortable 63 degrees, no higher!
Barry: 87 temperature of the rich.
Murray: 87 degrees? What do you think this is, the sun?

Quote from Adam

Adam: This must be what the other Adam Goldberg in school feels like all the time. He's a loose cannon and lives on his own terms.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Dad, I stumbled upon something incredible hidden in Erica's room, and I need to tell someone, but I can't because she'll never forgive me. Okay, you twisted my arm, so here it is. I'm Erica's hero. Me, baby, me!
Pops: Well, I'm glad this worked out for you.
Beverly: You know what this means, right? I have succeeded as a mother. Now, I know there were times when I quietly wondered if I had failed as a mother, but now I know the truth. Success!

Quote from Murray

Murray: You two are grounded. No telephone. No Atari. No robits. Now get upstairs.

Quote from Pops

Erica: Ugh! I am so glad I'm finally done with that college essay.
Pops: You know, sweetheart, it's not too late to write about a real hero.
Erica: Ship's kind of sailed at this point.
Pops: That ship might circle back to port when you take a gander at some circus adventures after the war.
Erica: Oh, Pops, you don't have to make stuff up. You'll always be a hero to me.
Pops: But I spent four hours digging this up. Ah, damn it. She's gone.
Pops: [on projected footage] And there they are, folks, stretching it.
Pops: You handsome devil!

Quote from Barry

Radio Announcer: [v.o.] The following schools are closed in Montgomery County-
Adam: It's gonna happen. I can feel it.
Erica: Shut up. You're gonna jinx it.
Barry: Please, God, if you give us a snow day, I promise I'll be a good boy for the rest of my life.
Radio Announcer: Abington High closed, Germantown West closed, William Penn Academy open.
Adam: Balls?
Erica: Why?!
Barry: I'm back to being a bad boy. This is on you, Mother Nature.

Quote from Beverly

Erica: Am I still asleep, or did he just say William Penn is closed?
Adam: He said "closed." School is closed.
Barry: This is the best day of my life! I feel so alive.
Beverly: Yeah! Snow day means a full day of snuggle time with mama.
Barry: Yeah!
Beverly: Get in here! Get it.
Erica: I'm so happy, I don't have the will to fight her off.
All: Snow Day! Snow Day! Snow Day!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: I read the topic "Describe a personal hero who's changed the course of your life."
Erica: Mom, stop.
Beverly: Let's brainstorm. What makes a hero? Hmm? Someone who's great at crafting, matchmaking, parming chicken or shrimp or eggplant or meatballs.

Quote from Beverly

Pops: Bevy, she clearly picked someone else, perhaps a decorated war vet who had a date with two different Shirleys last night. That's right.
Beverly: Pops?! (scoffs) You picked the random old guy who just hangs around our house all day, eating our smoked fish? (chuckles) Choo-choo! Next stop, Lametown.
Pops: Hey, I liberated an entire country. I helped saved lives.
Beverly: (imitates snoring) Oh! Oh, sorry, I drifted off to sleep there.
Erica: Okay, this turned ugly fast.

Quote from Adam

Murray: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you two get into my four-quadrant popcorn tin?
Barry: Relax. We were just sniffing it.
Murray: Stand up and show me your fingers. If I see any cheese dust, you're both grounded.
Adam: Dust-free. You happy?
Barry: Dude, you're unbelievable. Popcorn is the snack of the people.
Murray: No. It's a snack for dads only. I get one tin a year from my armoire dealer in Cincinnati. It's the only thing that gets me through the season.
Adam: There are so many sad things in that sentence, but I honestly think the winner is "Cincinnati."

Quote from Murray

Murray: And the same goes for the thermostat. Yeah, I see you two looking.
Barry: That's 'cause it's colder in this house than it is outside.
Adam: Yeah, man. Can't you spare like two more degrees?
Murray: If you two are so cold, go out and shovel the walkway. That ought to work up a sweat but good.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Good job, dude. I can't feel my fingers, but this definitely was two hours well spent.
Adam: Do you think maybe we should shovel the walkway a little so Dad doesn't totally freak?
Barry: Yeah, we should after a quick expansion.
Adam: Quick's good. Whatcha thinking?
Barry: I'm picturing a master bedroom with an attached bath, butler's quarters, a dojo, one of those maze gardens, all of the rooms from "Clue," an indoor basketball court.
Adam: A basketball court inside a snow fort?
Barry: That's just the first floor. The second level's where the party's at. Hot tub, sauna, fire pit.
Adam: You don't think that'll create an awful lot of heat?
Barry: Yeah. Once the word gets out.

Quote from Beverly

Erica: I take it back, okay? I take back every single word I wrote.
Beverly: You think you can just take it back like a bathing suit you've worn three times with the tags tucked in? (laughs) No way. I'm your hero.
Erica: No! Our history together will show I think you're the absolute worst.
Beverly: But now I'll forever know how you really feel about me, which is, "Everything my mother does comes from her heart."
Erica: Stop using my words against me.
Beverly: You are not my hero. I read a document that says otherwise.
Erica: God, you ruin everything.
Beverly: And yet I'm your "beacon on the hill."
Erica: I resent you so much right now.
Beverly: But yet you love me "more than anyone."
Erica: This is, quote, my worst nightmare.
Beverly: And it's my dream. Like the song says, I'm walking on air.
Erica: And I'm walking out.

Quote from Barry

Adam: I agree. It was joyous. But we're back in the house now. It's over.
Barry: Or do we continue the good times and Laughter forever?
Adam: You mean mess with Dad outside the whimsical world of the snow fort?
Barry: Of course. Now we know he's all bark and no bite. I bet he doesn't even think we're morons.
Adam: But that's his hurtful catchphrase.
Barry: From this moment on, I say we do the things that annoy him and entertain us.
Adam: Like sitting in his chair or leaving that last drop in the orange juice container?
Barry: Damn right! It's a snow-day revolution.

Quote from Adam

Murray: Bevy! Where's my tin of holiday popcorn?
Adam: Looking for something? Mmm! Flavored corn deliciousness.
Murray: What have you done?
Adam: Looks like you're not the only one who can enjoy four types of gourmet popcorn whenever he wants.
Murray: You better not have touched white cheddar.
Adam: Oh, I touched the white cheddar but good.

Quote from Pops

Erica: Mom isn't down here, is she?
Pops: I haven't felt her looming presence in over an hour, so you're safe.

Quote from Pops

Erica: That woman finding out that she's my hero is the worst thing that's ever happened to me.
Pops: Speaking of heroes, have I told you about all my rich life adventures?
Erica: Yes. Many times.
Pops: I bet you didn't know that after the army, I joined the USO and entertained the troops with a death-defying circus act.
Erica: I need help, Pops, not your old-man yarns.
Pops: They're not yarns. I trained a lion. His name was Stan.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Well, you got to pick one so we can wear them on our ski trip this weekend.
Erica: Let's be clear, I am going skiing with Lainey and also 10 boys who I know a little bit.
Beverly: And your hero. I'm sure you want me to tag along.
Erica: In what world does that make sense?
Beverly: If Barry went on a ski trip, he'd want to bring his hero, Chuck Norris, and Adam would definitely want to ski with Crispin Glover. So it makes perfect sense that you would want to bring your hero, me.
Erica: Okay, weird Crispin Glover doesn't ski, and Chuck Norris likes a desert climate, so you're not going.

Quote from Erica

Erica: Wait a minute. You're right. I chose to write about Mom, so I can just write about someone else.
Pops: Now we're talking.
Erica: I'll write about myself, how I survived my crazy "smother" and became my own hero.
Pops: At this point, very little surprises me.
Erica: Thank you, Pops. You are my hero. I mean, for giving me the idea to write about myself.

Quote from Erica

Erica: My first tweak was when I, like, threw the whole thing out and started over.
Beverly: What's that, now?
Erica: Yeah, my new essay is about my inner hero and how I overcame the greatest obstacle of all.
Beverly: Me? It says I'm the obstacle?
Erica: Yep.
Beverly: (gasps) And ruiner of dreams?
Erica: For sure.
Beverly: Strangler of hope?!
Erica: Yep.
Beverly: A vampire draining your human sprite?
Erica: Oopsie, that is supposed to say "spirit." Good eye.

Quote from Murray

Barry: I think this belongs to you.
Adam: So does this. I melted Butterfinger on some Jiffy Pop.
Barry: Consider it our apology. You know, 'cause you're the dad and we like it that way.
Adam: If you need us, we'll be shoveling the walkway like we should have done in the first place.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And with that, our dad was back to being our dad again. But that snow day, he realized there's much more to being a father, than enforcing the rules.
Barry: Hey!
Murray: You snow babies gonna fight back?


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