Beverly: Oh, damn it, I forgot the ice. Ohh. It was the one task Murray used to do when we had people over.
Essie Karp: I'm surprised he did one. [Virginia snickers]
Beverly: And your husband's Bob [bleep] Vila? Show some respect, Essie.

Beverly: I'm the grandma. I know it's confusing 'cause I look so young.
Erica: I think they get it.
Beverly: I made her, and she's making the baby. We're like those Russian nesting dolls, but with real people. [chuckles] And I'm the biggest doll.
Erica: I guess I'm the sad middle doll.

Beverly: It's gonna be the biggest, bestest baby shower of all time.
Erica: Baby shower? But we've already had two of those.
Beverly: And it's all for you.
Erica: It doesn't seem like it's for me.
Beverly: Oh, because it's not. I am talking to your baby. [chuckles] Hello, my yummy in the tummy. You're still cooking in the oven, but when you pop out, I'm gonna be the first person you see, and I'm gonna bring a spoon so I can gobble you up!
Erica: And I'm bringing a delivery room door that locks.
Beverly: Shh, shh, shh. The baby's trying to tell me something. What's that? [gasps] And you're my best friend. [chuckles]

Erica: Geoff, there you are. You for sure know what I accomplished today.
Geoff: Big time. According to the 30 scientific books I read on human gestation, today is the day our child developed fingernails.
Erica: Right. Yeah, I guess that happened today, too.
Beverly: I'm gonna teach you all about life, and you're gonna keep me young by teaching me all the new dances.
Erica: And I think there's something that you two are forgetting.
Beverly: [gasps] Oh, my God. How could we? My standard grandchild greeting. Kissy attack! Move your swollen hands, Erica.
Geoff: Let Daddy in for a helping, too. [both smooching]

Barry: What a sad tale of woe. How you holding up, fair brother of mine?
Adam: Uh, fine, I guess. What's your angle?
Barry: No angle. Just a friendly face offering his incredibly broad shoulder. Fuh-gicle?
Adam: It's pronounced Fudge-sicle. Again, what's happening right now?
Barry: Your girlfriend moved away. You lost your job. This must be a really hard time for you. Let's workshop these feelings.
Adam: To give you ammo to destroy me?
Barry: To support you.
Adam: Just stop stalling and get to the mean stuff. You know, I suck, I'm a loser, disparaging remarks about my hair, glasses, and lack of athleticism.
Barry: Hey, you don't get to pick the body you're born with. And I just want to help you get back on your extremely flat feet.

Barry: Adam, amigo, chum, never. Now that Dad's gone, someone's got to be the man of the house. And as the oldest, wisest, and most jacked, that's obviously me.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And there it was. Barry didn't just want to be my compassionate older brother. He wanted to be my dad.
Adam: Oh, balls.
Barry: I cherish you, brother. I'm ready to get messy when you are.
Adam: It seems like you already got a head start.
Barry: Oh, damn it. My fuh-gicle is pooling in the crook of my elbow. All the towels!

Adam: Mr. Glascott, I need to talk to you.
Mr. Glascott: Is it about my provocative sunbathing? Honor the code of the neighbor's fence and stop peering over.

Adam: This is about something very different... Barry.
Mr. Glascott: Ooh. Family intrigue. Dish the dirt, you sassy hen.
Adam: Okay, I guess. In the wake of my dad's passing, Barry's trying to fill his shoes... Metaphorically, of course. In reality, my dad's shoes were disgusting, as they housed his feet.
Mr. Glascott: He once stole my newspaper barefoot, so I know. And exactly what is Barry doing?
Adam: Well, for one, he keeps trying to spend time with me because he knows I miss my girlfriend.
Mr. Glascott: How dare he!
Adam: Yeah.
Mr. Glascott: Wait, that sounds surprisingly evolved. If your brother Barry, who has historically been a buffoon, is stepping up in a kind way, I say let him.

Barry: There you are, sport. It's almost time to wash up for dinner.
Adam: Wash up? You once tried to see how many quarters you could fit in your mouth.
Barry: 48. And I sure hope you picked up your room like your mother asked you to, sport.
Adam: Barry, you and I share the room. And you're the one who started the Doritos fight.
Barry: And I almost forgot... I just bought this for you. Thought it might make for some good dinnertime convo.
Adam: "Your Changing Body"?!
Barry: Don't worry, sport.There are no stupid questions.
Mr. Glascott: Especially about sex. That is confusing.
Adam: My body has already changed! And stop calling me sport!
Barry: They can be so difficult at this age, but that's the job. Come here. [kisses Adam on the forehead]
Adam: Oh!
Barry: Hey, listen, be home before the street lights come on. Bye, Mr. Glascott.

Mr. Glascott: Yeah, I was way wrong. Barry can't be the man of the house.
Adam: You're right, Mr. Glascott. He can't. But someone else can. [hands Mr. Glascott "Your Changing Body"]
Mr. Glascott: Is it me? Because I'm very not interested. [opens book] Whoa. Slow down, book. I'm only on page 7.