Best ‘The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air’ Quotes Page 1 of 25
Will: Hey, you know what, you ain't got to do nothing, Uncle Phil. You know, it ain't like I'm still 5 years old, you know. It ain't like I'm going to be sitting up every night asking my mom: "When's Daddy coming home?" You know, who needs him? He wasn't there to teach me how to shoot my first basket, but I learned, didn't I? And I got pretty good at it too, didn't I, Uncle Phil?
Philip: Yeah, you did.
Will: Got through my first date without him, right? I learned how to drive. I learned how to shave. I learned how to fight without him. I had 14 great birthdays without him. He never even sent me a damn card. To hell with him! I didn't need him then and I don't need him now.
Will: No, you know what, Uncle Phil? I'm gonna get through college without him. I'm gonna get a great job without him. I'm going to marry me a beautiful honey, and I'm gonna have me a whole bunch of kids and I'm gonna be a better father than he ever was. And I sure as hell don't need him for that, because there ain't a damn thing he could ever teach me about how to love my kids. How come he don't want me, man?
Vivian: Look, there he goes.
Trevor: [on TV] Hilary Banks...
Hilary: Yes, Trevor?
Trevor: [on TV] Will you marry me? [thud]
[As the TV picture turns to static, the family are stunned into silence]
Will: I ain't no bungee expert or nothing... But I don't think he's supposed to be slamming into the ground like that.
[A title card appears on the TV]
Hilary: "Please stand by"? Great. The president's about to interrupt my marriage proposal.
Carlton: Where am I? Last thing I remember, I was doing the running man to I Will Always Love You.
Will: Carlton, you're at a hospital.
Carlton: Wow, I feel terrible. I never thought losing my virginity would be this painful.
Will: Carlton, I got some bad news.
Carlton: Oh, God, I malfunctioned.
Will: No. See, you never made it past the dance floor. Those pills that you took weren't vitamins.
Carlton: What were they?
Will: Look, you gotta promise you're not gonna overreact.
Carlton: What could be worse than finding out I'm still a virgin?
Will: It was speed.
Carlton: Oh, my God. I'm a drug addict and a virgin!
Hilary: Well, here goes. Don't you all feel like a part of history? [opens paycheck] What? Federal taxes? This is an outrage. Didn't President Bush say, "No new taxes"?
Geoffrey: But federal taxes aren't new.
Hilary: Well, they are to me. And who is this FICA guy?
Vivian: Hilary, baby, taxes are taken out of everybody's salary. They pay for highways, national defense, and housing programs.
Hilary: I thought the government was supposed to pay for all that.
Carlton: It's not unusual To have dad be proud of me It's not unusual 'Cause I love conformity And when I see dad hangin' with Will instead of me It's not unusual to see me cry I wanna die
Tom Jones: It's not unusual to mess up at any time And when I see you so down and out It's such a crime
Carlton: Did you ever wanna be loved by anyone And then you let them down I blew it yesterday My trust fund's gone away
Tom Jones: My friend it happens all the time And life will never do
Carlton: What you want it to
Tom Jones: Don't give yourself Such a hard time
Carlton: So, Will, you haven't told me about your new place.
Will: Oh. Yeah, yeah. Uh, you know, I'm moving in soon. You know, right now they putting a Jacuzzi in and they getting the mirrors on the roof.
Carlton: So what, it's kind of a fixer-upper?
Will: Oh, no, no. No, not at all, man. Yo, this place is huge. I mean, we got floor-to-ceiling walls and wall-to-wall floors. Man, yo, it's the bomb.
Miss Sharpe: Well, will Mrs. Banks be joining us?
Will: Uh, no, I'm single. I mean, um, Ashley's mother ran out on us. Ashley was but a mere tyke at the time. I had to be both Mommy and Daddy. We went from training wheels to training bras. They both came off too soon, didn't they, kitten?
Will: What am I supposed to do about my rep?
Chill: Yo, you got to stand up to Omar Boulware, man.
Carlton: Who's Omar Boulware?
Chill: Some guy Will wouldn't fight.
Will: The dude that be spinning me over his head in the opening credits.
Hilary: The coffee commercial went great. First, I take a big sip of coffee, then I say: Hi, I'm Hilary Banks, TV weather girl. When I don't have my head in the clouds I like to relax with a nice hot cup of Casual Cup coffee. So rich and fine, tastes just like you ground the beans yourself. Well, the first take, I said, " Tastes just like you found the beans yourself." We did it again, I said, "When I don't have my head in the crowds." So I did it again, and-
Will: Hilary. Hilary, how many takes did you do?
Hilary: Only 41. You think that would tire me out, but I'm more awake now than when I started.
Will: Stupid question, did you forget to spit after each take?
Hilary: Why would I want to spit it out? I'm nuts about coffee. Although, it's not made from nuts, it's from beans, so I guess I'm beans about coffee.
Will: Oh, gee, I'd love to stay and continue this fascinating monologue, but I have to get some studying done.
Hilary: You know, I've always wondered, if coffee's made from beans does that make it a vegetable?
Will: Why are you following me? Listen, don't you have to go to work in the morning? Shouldn't you go get some sleep?
Hilary: Oh, I'd love to go to sleep, but I can't. I'm wide awake. See? Wee!
Will: Why don't you try doing something boring like reading the dictionary? Do you have one?
Hilary: Of course, I do. What do you think is propping up my makeup table?
Geoffrey: Can I help you?
INS Agent: Are you Geoffrey Butler?
Geoffrey: Yes, I am. And you must be the woman of my dreams. [she handcuffs Geoffrey] You are! Ooh.