Vivian: Wait! I forgot my purse. Has anybody seen my old brown bag?
Aunt Helen: Excuse me. You used to call me Diva.

Vivian: Honey, you know, all married couples go through rough times. But maybe if you just talk to Lester-
Aunt Helen: Talk to him? Girl, I wouldn't give Lester air if he was in a jug.
Vivian: Well, sweetheart, I don't mean to pry and you don't have to give me all the gory details, but-
Aunt Helen: Vivian, I told you. There is another woman in his life, and I don't mean his ugly mama.
Vivian: But Lester is crazy about you.
Aunt Helen: Was. Now he's just crazy. You know how some men are animals in bed?
Vivian: Yes.
Aunt Helen: Well, I don't.

Aunt Helen: Aw, look at Little Frank. Now that's the first time a man has smiled at me since my divorce.
Carlton: Aunt Helen, I just want to say how sorry I am things didn't work out between you and Uncle Lester.
Aunt Helen: Oh, thank you, sweetheart.
Carlton: Do you think he'll still be sending me a gift for graduation?
Vivian: How has he been acting since the divorce?
Aunt Helen: Awful. I hate that man. But I don't like to badmouth him without the kid around. You know, it's like doing the work twice.

Vy: Wait, no. You made the stuffing last year.
Hattie: That's because you were sick. This is my natural turn.
Aunt Helen: Well, wait a minute. It's my turn to make it after you.
Vivian: Okay. Now you're guests in my house. I'll make the stuffing. Besides, everybody loves it.
Aunt Helen: Funny, I don't remember voting.
Vy: Uh, no offense, you guys but none of you can hold a candle to my stuffing.
Aunt Helen: That's because it's so dry, it'd go up in flames.
Hattie: All I know is, I've been making my stuffing for Philip since he was a boy. And he always asks for more.
Aunt Helen: Oh, we all know what a picky eater he is.

Aunt Helen: Philip, honey, what happened in here?
Hattie: Oh, my poor baby.
Vy: Can I get you anything?
Aunt Helen: I'll take a gin and tonic.

Aunt Helen: Look, I think there are a lot of fine young brothers out there just as good as Frank. But you can't control who you fall in love with. If he's still here in the morning, honey, I say marry him. Okay?

Aunt Helen: The creep even took the toilet paper. Don't ask me how I know.

Janice: Ha!
Aunt Helen: Oh, look at the size of this rock.
Vy: Oh, Gibraltar is a mole hill.
Janice: Right. Later on this afternoon, you ladies can go skating on it.
Vivian: Well, isn't this something? The Smith sisters are together again.
Janice: Yes, we are.
Vivian: The good, the bad, and the--
Aunt Helen: Don't even try it.

Vivian: Girl, this family has sure had its share of surprises. Do you remember the last reunion when Uncle Rubin came out of the closet?
Aunt Helen: How could I forget? He came out wearing my purple-leather suit.
Janice: I guess you guys couldn't sleep, either?
Vivian: Oh, Janice, what are you doing up? Tomorrow's your big day.
Janice: Yeah, right. Looks like I caused a big mess, as usual.
Vivian: Oh, don't be so hard on yourself. You don't always cause a big mess.
Aunt Helen: Yes, she does. She's the one that told Uncle Rubin he looked good in purple.

Vivian: Oh, come on, Vy. Come on. Sit down with us and have a snack.
Vy: No, that's all right. I know you really don't want me to.
Vivian: Of course we do. Don't we?
Aunt Helen: Uh-huh. [eats] Come on, sit down, Vy.
Vivian: So here we are together again. The Smith sisters. Loud, live, and in color.
Aunt Helen: More like quiet, evil, and colored.