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‘There's the Rub (Part 1)’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: There's the Rub (Part 1)

609. There's the Rub (Part 1)

Aired November 20, 1995

With his mother and Vivian's sisters in town for Thanksgiving, Phil's stress levels are high and it's aggravating his back. Meanwhile, Hilary and Carlton volunteer at a soup kitchen.

Quote from Hilary

Larry Wilmore: Uh, Ms. Banks, the film crew called and they said they're gonna be a little delayed. But in the meantime, Sylvia over there will give you your jobs.
Hilary: Oh, don't be silly. I already have a job. I'm a famous talk-show hostess. Well, not exactly famous but I would be if more people watched my show. But really, how famous was Oprah before she was famous?

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Quote from Aunt Helen

Aunt Helen: You're just jealous, Vy. Jealous because I'm fine.
Vy: Fine?
Aunt Helen: Fine.
Vy: Well, I've been told that I'm very sexy.
Aunt Helen: 900 numbers don't count.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Vy: Wait, no. You made the stuffing last year.
Hattie: That's because you were sick. This is my natural turn.
Aunt Helen: Well, wait a minute. It's my turn to make it after you.
Vivian: Okay. Now you're guests in my house. I'll make the stuffing. Besides, everybody loves it.
Aunt Helen: Funny, I don't remember voting.
Vy: Uh, no offense, you guys but none of you can hold a candle to my stuffing.
Aunt Helen: That's because it's so dry, it'd go up in flames.
Hattie: All I know is, I've been making my stuffing for Philip since he was a boy. And he always asks for more.
Aunt Helen: Oh, we all know what a picky eater he is.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Aunt Helen: Philip, honey, what happened in here?
Hattie: Oh, my poor baby.
Vy: Can I get you anything?
Aunt Helen: I'll take a gin and tonic.

Quote from Vy

Will: Aunt Helen, you ever heard of traveling light?
Vy: And that's probably just her makeup.

Quote from Vy

Aunt Helen: I make this stuffing for all my men. And they always come back for more.
Vy: Yeah, because they forgot their shoes.

Quote from Philip

Philip: What the hell are you doing down here?
Will: Oh, um, I thought I heard somebody breaking in. What you doing down here?
Philip: Uh, the same thing.
Will: Pie's in the fridge.
Philip: Yep. Nothing like sneaking a little pie before Thanksgiving.
Will: Shh! Shh!
Philip: Don't shush me. This is not the first Philip Banks pie-jacking. Son, son, I have been jacking pies since, what, Thanksgiving 1953. Rhubarb. Tart little thing. From then on, the dog ate the pie. [Hattie turns the lights on]
Will: Hey.
Hattie: So I guess it's your nose I should've been shoving in the pan.
Will: Well, you know, actually, keeping his nose out of the pan would have been more of a punishment.
Philip: Get off of me.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Vivian: How was the trip?
Vy: Oh, well, a little bumpy.
Vivian: Turbulence?
Vy: No, no, no. For five hours straight, Helen never stopped moving.
Aunt Helen: Well, that's why I've always had a boyfriend. You know that's right.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Vy: Oh, Ashley, sweetie pie. How you doing? Oh, I guess you're gonna be rolling up those sleeves and helping us in the kitchen? I can't wait to get elbow deep in them turkey gizzards.
Aunt Helen: Honey, you need to get cable.
Ashley: Just because I'm a woman, I'm suppose to don an apron on Thanksgiving? I don't think so.
Aunt Helen: Well, I guess somebody burned their training bra.

Quote from Will

Will: Well, Mom, I think that your stuffing is the best in the world.
Vy: Yes.
Hattie: What?
Will: Oh, I mean I'm saying... At least that's what I thought before I tried Grandma Hattie's herb stuffing. Now, whoo! Hey, what is it in there, the rosemary that just drives me crazy?
Aunt Helen: What?
Will: Um... Well, I mean, nothing compares to Aunt Helen's mushroom and bacon stuffing. Ain't that right, Uncle Phil?
Philip: Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Vivian: Will?
Will: Well, Aunt Viv. I mean, when I first tried your apricot stuffing I was like, "Whoo!" Ain't that right, Uncle Phil? Heh. You gonna leave me hanging out here like this, huh?

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Oh, my God. Have you ever seen so many fashion don'ts in one room?

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Relax. You have to be patient with these people. Understanding.
Larry Wilmore: Excuse me.
Carlton: Hey, pal. Can't you see I'm talking?
Larry Wilmore: I'm Larry Wilmore. The shelter manager.
Carlton: Manager? Carlton Banks here. Wow, you're awfully young to have such an important position. And fit too. You work out, don't you? So, Lare, listen. I've taken the liberty of drafting up a little letter of recommendation. So if you'd be kind enough to put your John Hancock...

Quote from Aunt Helen

Aunt Helen: All right. Vy, I'm gonna need this area to chop up my onions.
Vy: No, no, no. Not before I chop up my parsley. I don't want your onions ruining my stuffing.
Aunt Helen: Believe me, you don't need my onions to ruin your stuffing.
Hattie: Children, please.
Aunt Helen: Just like you, moving in on somebody.
Vy: You're the one to talk. I had my own room before you came along.
Aunt Helen: Why don't you let that go? You hold on to things like a rottweiler.
Vy: Now, why did you have to go there? What are you talking about, "holding on to something"?
Hattie: I'm glad I never had daughters.

Quote from Nicky

Nicky: Mommy, Daddy's fallen and he can't get up.

Quote from Will

Will: Look, Uncle Phil, you're obviously in pain, man. Why wait until tomorrow? I say we hop in the car, head down to one of them acu-pressure places.
Philip: I don't think so.
Will: Yeah, yeah. You're probably right, Uncle Phil. And, you know, tonight, while we're all in the dining room having turkey and four different kinds of stuffing and mashed potatoes and sweet potato pie, cranberry sauce-
Philip: Ooh, ooh, ooh. And little tiny onions swimming in a sea of cream sauce.
Will: Yeah, you gonna be right here on the couch. You know what, but that's all right. Don't worry about it. I'll have a word with Geoffrey. Have him mix you up, like, a turkey smoothie.

Quote from Carlton

Steve: Hey, can you hook me up with some more potatoes?
Carlton: Move it along. Everyone gets the same amount.
Steve: But I'm a growing boy. Just because somebody stunted your growth doesn't mean you need to take it out on me.
Carlton: Is that a short joke?
Steve: Why, did it go over your head? Now, that was a short joke.
Carlton: Look, you mangy little rapscallion... Hey, Mr. Wilmore. I'm just giving the customers what they want. How about some more turkey, young fella? Just tell me when.
Larry Wilmore: What are you doing? This food has to feed everybody. For somebody who wants to go to Princeton, I'd expect more common sense.
Steve: Hey. Maybe you ought to look into community college. [laughs]

Quote from Nicky

Nicky: Is dinner ready yet?
Vivian: Not quite, honey. Almost.
Nicky: Well, can't you just hit me with a little somethin'- somethin'?
Vivian: Not until dinner, honey.
Nicky: Aw, man. [Hattie slips Nicky some food] Yes.

Quote from Philip

Philip: Mother. My sweet Mommy. Come on, Mom. [laughs]
Hattie: I've got a few secrets of my own. I have been stashing away a pie or two ever since I saw the size of your sweet tooth.
Will: Oh. Grandma Hattie, the pie hider.
Philip: Aah.
Hattie: I suppose the dog ate this one too.
Will: I ain't had nothing to do with it.
Philip: He ate it. You always trying to blame somebody.
Hattie: Out of here. Both of you.
Philip: Momma.
Hattie: Just out of the kitchen. Out. Out. Out. Out.
[After Will and Uncle Phil leave the kitchen, the camera pans to Nicky eating the pie under a table]

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Well, it's off to the shelter.
Vivian: Oh, honey. I think it's wonderful that you're helping the less fortunate on Thanksgiving.
Hilary: I guess. Did I tell you that Channel Four is sending a camera crew down to cover this? God knows that The Hilary Show could use some publicity.
Geoffrey: There is no limit to your giving, is there, Miss Hilary?
Hilary: Thank you, Geoffrey, that's so sweet.

Quote from Carlton

Hilary: All set?
Carlton: I'm not going.
Hilary: Wait. Carlton, didn't you call down to the shelter and volunteer?
Carlton: Yeah, I called down and put my name on a volunteer list. But I'm not physically going down there. But don't worry, it'll still look good on my resume.
Vivian: Carlton, if you said you were going down to help, you get down there.
Carlton: But, Mom, I can't drive through that part of town. There are homeless people down there. Okay, fine. But before I go, I'm taking the pennies out of my loafers.

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