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‘The Aunt Who Came to Dinner’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Aunt Who Came to Dinner

222. The Aunt Who Came to Dinner

Aired March 23, 1992

Will and Carlton have big ideas for when Uncle Phil and Aunt Viv go away for the weekend, but a surprise visit from Aunt Helen (Jenifer Lewis) threatens to derail their best laid plans.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Vivian: Wait! I forgot my purse. Has anybody seen my old brown bag?
Aunt Helen: Excuse me. You used to call me Diva.

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Quote from Aunt Helen

Vivian: Honey, you know, all married couples go through rough times. But maybe if you just talk to Lester-
Aunt Helen: Talk to him? Girl, I wouldn't give Lester air if he was in a jug.
Vivian: Well, sweetheart, I don't mean to pry and you don't have to give me all the gory details, but-
Aunt Helen: Vivian, I told you. There is another woman in his life, and I don't mean his ugly mama.
Vivian: But Lester is crazy about you.
Aunt Helen: Was. Now he's just crazy. You know how some men are animals in bed?
Vivian: Yes.
Aunt Helen: Well, I don't.

Quote from Hilary

Vivian: Sweetheart, I feel so bad about this.
Hilary: Me, too. You poor thing. You know what? I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna buy something really nice.
Aunt Helen: Oh, sweetie, that's all right. You don't have to buy me anything.
Hilary: Oh, I know. I meant for me.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Will, a deal's a deal. You picked the movie, I pick the restaurant.
Will: Oh, please, man. This ain't no restaurant. I mean, there wasn't even no golden arches outside.
Carlton: Will, please. You're this far from washing windshields with newspaper. Now, just sit down and try to go a half-hour without saying "yo."

Quote from Vivian

Vivian: Well, I know how that goes. One day last month, I met Philip at the door wearing nothing, honey, but Saran Wrap and a smile. Walked right past me and said, "Hi, honey, did you make that meatloaf?"
Aunt Helen: Well, at least he spoke.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Aunt Helen: Vivian, last night I followed Lester. He drove over to this cute little house with this cute little picket fence and this cute little homewrecker opened the door.
Vivian: I would have been reaching for my cute little crowbar.
Aunt Helen: I couldn't find it. Anyway, she let him in and he stayed.
Vivian: For how long?
Aunt Helen: Let's just say I got tired of waiting.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: It's not fair, Will. Monique is everything I've ever wanted in a woman. Beautiful, sexy, and she measures everything in centimetres.
Will: Hey, look, man, all I know is if we don't get this house cleared out by tonight the only sweet things we gonna be near is a couple Klondike bars.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Lester: Helen, now that I've got you in a room without books there's something I've got to tell you.
Aunt Helen: Ain't nobody gonna tell me nothing! Lester, don't make me get ethnic on you!
Lester: Oh, damn. Woman, would you for once let me do the talking? Now, Anita is a-
Aunt Helen: l bet the hussy has a weave. And she's younger than I am, too. Isn't she?
Lester: Anita's my psychiatrist. I've been seeing her since I was passed over for that promotion at the plant. When I missed out on that job, I lost my confidence.
Aunt Helen: Well, I knew you lost something but... I didn't know it was your confidence.
Lester: Well, why do you think I started seeing a shrink?
Aunt Helen: Will, cover your ears.
Will: Oh, yes, ma'am.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Lester: How could you think I was even seeing another woman?
Aunt Helen: Well, you know what they say. If the rooster ain't crowing in the henhouse, he must be cock-a-doodling in the barn.
Lester: Helen, I wasn't cock-a-doodling anywhere. When that job went south, well, my doodle went with it. You know I'm crazy about you, baby.
Aunt Helen: Well, I wish you would have said something. But, knowing me, I wouldn't have listened anyway. Oh, I'm sorry, baby.
Lester: You know, I still should have told you about Anita. I'm the one who's sorry.
Aunt Helen: It was worth it if it worked. Did it? Did it work?
Lester: There's only one way to find out.
Will: Guys? Help me! Somebody let me out of here! They doing it.

Quote from Carlton

Will: Yo, Carlton, man, they French girls. We in! Yo, they don't have no standards, man. They like Jerry Lewis. Look, now. Check it out. Follow my lead. I'm a rich and famous rap star.
Carlton: You always get to be the rap star. This time I'll be the rap star and you be Gary Coleman.

Quote from Will

Renee: I am Renee and this is Monique and what do you call yourself?
Will: Uh, he's Tiny By Nature. So, how would you ladies like to spend an evening in Tiny's Bel-Air mansion?
Renee: Monique, he has a mansion.
Carlton: A big one. A tennis court, swimming pool, excellent school system.

Quote from Will

Will: Yeah, tomorrow night will be perfect. [to the waiter] Separate checks, please. Tomorrow we go French. But tonight we go Dutch.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Game plan for tonight, Will. As soon as the parental units are out of the house, we pick the girls up at the hotel. Then, we ply them with Perrier to get them in the mood.
Will: Hey, Carlton, they're French girls. They're always in the mood. Do you know the French word for foreplay? [Carlton shakes his head] Because there isn't one.

Quote from Ashley

Vivian: Okay, sweetheart, I am counting on you to take care of your sister while your father and I are at the jazz festival.
Ashley: Okay. But last time I squealed on Hilary I found Barbie face down in the aquarium.

Quote from Philip

Philip: [scatting]
Will: Boy, boy. You kids and your music. Ah, when I was young, lyrics meant something.
Philip: I was scatting, Will. That's the most expressive form of singing. For example. [scats] Vivian, gonna be late.[scats] Vivian, gonna be late.

Quote from Geoffrey

Aunt Helen: Hi, Vivian.
Vivian: Well, what a wonderful surprise!
Geoffrey: I'll put these in the guest room. Ah, so this is what a hernia feels like.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Aunt Helen: Well, Bobby's visiting Lester's parents for the weekend so I decided to take a little trip. Now, you know I'm always doing things on the spur on the moment. Buy a new hat, paint the house, get a divorce.
Philip: Not again.
Aunt Helen: This time he's gone too far.
Will: Hey, does Uncle Lester still do that "pull my finger" thing in church?
Aunt Helen: I don't want to talk about it. Not in front of the young one.

Quote from Carlton

Aunt Helen: I'm afraid Ashley's right. I think Lester's messing around. Look, I just need a place to stay for a while.
Will: Oh, yeah, Aunt Helen, that's cool. You can have my room. In Philly.
Carlton: Will, don't be so insensitive. Aunt Helen, you're staying at the Howard Johnson's, and I won't take no for an answer.
Vivian: Boys, knock it off.

Quote from Will

Carlton: What about our date? This is so unfair.
Will: You're telling me? I stayed up all night learning the French for "Forget about my cousin, y'all can both have me."

Quote from Will

Carlton: [on the phone] Look, mesdemoiselles, un petit change of plans for tonight. Instead of you coming over here, we're going to rendezvous at your hotel.
Will: [also on the phone] All right. But, please, baby. Baby, listen. Can I talk for a second, baby? It's just that, you know, somebody kind of dropped by the mansion you know, unexpectedly, you know. So we... Who dropped by?
Carlton: Aunt Helen.
Will: What? No. You thought he said Aunt Helen? No, no. He said Van Halen.
Carlton: Well, not to worry, my little chocolate truffles. You can come by tomorrow night. Prince and Hammer are coming by to play Yahtzee. [Uncle Phil walks in]
Will: Oh, sorry, gotta go. Barry White's here.

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