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‘Mommy Nearest’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Mommy Nearest

313. Mommy Nearest

Aired December 14, 1992

When Vivian's family all comes to visit, Vy (Vernee Watson) tells Will she is excited for him to move back to Philly after he graduates. [Jenifer Lewis and Charlayne Woodard guest star]

Quote from Aunt Helen

Janice: Frank, honey, I think it's time to change Frank, Jr.
Frank: Okay, babe. You know what, you look a little tired. Why don't you come and lay down and I'll rub your feet for a little while.
Janice: Thanks, baby.
Aunt Helen: That does it, I'm getting me a White man. [Vivian & Vy laugh]
Vy: Girl, stop it.
Aunt Helen: No, just to help around the house a little bit. Now, come on, you know you all were thinking it.

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Quote from Aunt Helen

Janice: Well, Vy, tell me, what's the real deal between you and Robert?
Vy: I wasn't in love with him.
Aunt Helen: Girl, are you crazy? That man had a business, a car and money. Now, what's love got to do with it?

Quote from Aunt Helen

Aunt Helen: I'm still half asleep, so don't nobody talk to me.
Janice: Did the baby wake you up?
Aunt Helen: Eleanor and Lou woke me up. I swear that man's part jackhammer.
Vy: Oh, Lord, they didn't even eat this much at the Last Supper.
Aunt Helen: Well, I guess you old enough to remember.
Vy: Yeah, but I'm still young enough to kick your butt.

Quote from Vy

Vy: What are you all doing up?
Vivian: Eating and talking about sex.
Vy: Well, personally, I prefer eating. You don't have to wait an hour for seconds.

Quote from Vy

Vy: Baby, whatever it is, I will understand.
Will: I know, you'll understand and I'll be on my way to the emergency room.
Vy: Will, just say it.
Will: Mom, I don't want to move back home.
Vy: How can you say that? Baby, when I sent you out here, it was only on a temporary basis. I always expected you to come back home.
Will: So did I, Mom. And, I know I was tripping when I first came out here 'cause you were right, I needed to be out here. And I still need to be out here. You know, it's given me a head start, you know, so I can break out on my own.
Vy: What about college? You know I can't afford to send you to an out-of-state school.
Will: I know, Ma, but, look, I was hoping I could get a scholarship or a loan, and Uncle Phil said he'd help me. And, if that doesn't work, I'll get a job... I'll get two jobs, but please, don't make me move back home, Mommy.
Vy: Obviously, you've given this a lot of thought, huh? But I'll be honest with you, I still want you to come home. I miss you.
Will: I miss you, too, Mom. Look, but I'll visit. Every Christmas. And every Easter. And whatever else of them holidays it'd take to get that evil look out your face.
Vy: Well, it sounds like you made up your mind. So I guess I have to respect your decision.
Will: You do? I mean, you do! I love you, Mom.
Vy: I love you, too, baby. As much as I hate to admit it, your aunts were right and I was wrong. But don't you dare tell them, you hear me?

Quote from Aunt Helen

Aunt Helen: Aw, look at Little Frank. Now that's the first time a man has smiled at me since my divorce.
Carlton: Aunt Helen, I just want to say how sorry I am things didn't work out between you and Uncle Lester.
Aunt Helen: Oh, thank you, sweetheart.
Carlton: Do you think he'll still be sending me a gift for graduation?
Vivian: How has he been acting since the divorce?
Aunt Helen: Awful. I hate that man. But I don't like to badmouth him without the kid around. You know, it's like doing the work twice.

Quote from Will

Vivian: Look at you two. Gosh, you look like a couple of kids.
Eleanor: You look like a couple of kids yourself.
Will: You all got to remember, she carrying Uncle Phil's child.

Quote from Will

Vivian: Let me look at Frank, Jr. My goodness, where did you get those beautiful green eyes?
Will: I'm guessing, the guy with no rhythm.
Frank: You mean Carlton?

Quote from Aunt Helen

Aunt Helen: Diva!
Will: Whoa, whoa, think you could all come together next time? This is exhausting.
Aunt Helen: Let me look at you all. Vivian, girl, you are glowing.
Vivian: Thank you.
Will: Well, that's 'cause she be spending a lot of time in front of the microwave.
Vivian: Philip, that reminds me. Would you pick me up some microwave popcorn, please?
Philip: You know, next time I'm going to get pregnant.
Aunt Helen: Well, you certainly have the pants for it.
Will: Uncle Phil, if I would have said that I would have gotten smacked in my head. [Phil smacks Will's head]

Quote from Will

Frank: Hey, you know, Vy, I have a brother who's single. Although, he's not a brother. I mean he is a brother because he's my brother, but he's just not your kind of brother. Oh, brother. Help me, Will.
Will: No, I think I'm going to stick with the Black folks on this one.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Vy: Now, what does Aunt Eleanor have that I don't?
Aunt Helen: A horny husband.

Quote from Will

[fantasy:]
Old Will: I'll get it! Hey, Al! Psh! [coughs]
Mailman: How you doing, Mr. Smith?
Will: Hey, call me Will, man. Hey, what you say, you take me down to one of them dance clubs you all be going to. [sings] Do dop yiddy yiddy Bop dat doot dat yiddy brown
Mailman: Excuse me?
Old Will: Oh, never mind, boy, I thought you was hip. Get on out of my house. Oooh-eee! Hey, girl. How you doing with your fine self? Why don't you slide on up here and let Big Daddy talk to you a little bit! You like that?

Quote from Will

[fantasy:]
Old Vy: Baby, why ain't you got on that leisure suit I laid out for you?
Old Will: Because I'm a 72-year-old man still living with his mother. And I'm tired of it, Mom. I mean, I want to get married. And I want to have some kids. And I don't want nobody telling me what to wear.
Old Vy: I'm sorry. You the man, you the man. About time I start treating you like one.
Old Will: You've got that right. Can I have $10 to go to the movies?
Old Vy: Sure, baby. Here you go.
Old Will: Another dollar for some Gummy Bears.
Old Vy: You taking anybody special?
Old Will: Harriet Jenkins.
Old Vy: Mmm. You're spending my social security on Harriet Jenkins.
Old Will: Look, Mama, I'm going to tell you, if you mess this date up for me, I'm moving out of here.

Quote from Philip

Philip: Now, Will, about your moving back to Philly.
Will: Yeah, I know, the sheets and bed linens stay here.
Philip: No, well, yeah. No, what I was going to say was I hope that money wasn't a part of your decision because I'd be more than happy to help you with your tuition.
Will: Thanks a lot, Uncle Phil but I need to be in Philly, you know, with my mom.
Philip: Whatever you decide, I just want you to know that I'm behind you 100%.
Will: Thanks and it means a lot to me, Uncle Phil.
Philip: Good. Okay, son. Okay, Vivian, I told him everything you wanted me to now give me my piece of pie.

Quote from Will

Will: Aunt Viv, I got the cake you wanted for the family reunion.
Vivian: Good.
Will: And guess what's in here?
Carlton: It's round, it's rubber and you'll never use it.
Will: Carlton, can we please keep your hand puppet out of this? Look, it's a California's driver's license.
Carlton: I think you're confused, Will. You need a license to drive a car, not steal one.
Will: I'm sorry, Carlton, I didn't understand you, I don't speak pygmy.

Quote from Vivian

Philip: I hate family reunions. I always do all the work.
Vivian: Philip, that is not true. Philip, this is not the kind of juice Vy drinks and Helen does not like this kind of bread. I guess I will have to take it back to the store.
Philip: No, no, no, let me do that.
Vivian: Great. Would you pick me up a gallon of Rocky Road and some sardines.
Will: And don't eat it all on the way home like you did last time.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Isn't it obvious? Really big news? She must be bringing me Grandma's diamond earrings.
Janice: I don't think so. [shows off earrings] Do you like them?
Hilary: Aunt Janice, I never got to know Grandma. I'd really like to have something of hers.
Aunt Helen: Listen, honey, I have a beautiful silk handkerchief of Grandma's.
Hilary: Yeah, like I really want some old lady's snot rag.

Quote from Will

Vivian: Honey, what happened, tell us.
Janice: Yeah.
Vy: Well, he just wanted more out of the relationship and I wasn't sure I could spend the rest of my life with him.
Will: Amen.
Vy: And, Will's never been too fond of him.
Will: No, Will was not.
Vy: So, in the long run it seemed like the best thing.
Will: Well...

Quote from Will

Will: I love you so much, Mom.
Vy: I love you, too, sweetie.
Will: You know, it's great having you out here. Especially without that Robert dude. Getting all in our hair. Trying like a damn fool to win me over.
Vy: You're not kidding, baby. You know, for your graduation, he actually wanted to buy you a car.
Will: [scoffs] A car?
Vy: Yeah.
Will: Well, I'm glad you dumped him anyway, Ma. What kind of car he want to get me, Mom?

Quote from Geoffrey

Vivian: Okay, set everything on the island. We'll use it tomorrow to serve.
Philip: [takes the fork out of Vivian's hand] Let me take that, Vivian, wouldn't want you to overexert yourself.
Vivian: Philip, are you upset with me?
Philip: Vivian, for the past 48 hours, all I've heard is: "Philip, wash this. Philip, dust that. Philip, push me up the steps, I'm pregnant."
Vivian: As long as you're not upset with me.
Geoffrey: Sir, when she's not looking, break one of her crystal figurines. It'll work wonders for your attitude. [crashing sound]
Philip: [o.s.] Yes!

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