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Breaking Up Is Hard to Do (Part 2)

‘Breaking Up Is Hard to Do (Part 2)’

Season 6, Episode 15 -  Aired February 19, 1996

With Vivian staying with Aunt Helen (Jenifer Lewis) after taking some time away from Philip, the kids wonder what life would be like if they never got back together.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Aunt Helen: Go away.
Philip: [o.s.] Open the door, Helen. It's Philip.
Aunt Helen: I'd give him a blast of pepper spray but I'm afraid he'd just eat it.


Quote from Hilary

Ashley: I think it's so romantic, Dad going to get Mom.
Hilary: It's like in that movie where after a big fight, the wife stays with her sister and the next day the husband buys her something expensive and she returns home.
Will: Hil, that's not a movie, that's what happened.
Hilary: Oh, well, someone should make a movie of it.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: I am having a terrible day. John Felipe canceled my hair appointment, Kim Cho chipped one of my nails, Moishe ran out of potato latkes and I can see Jose didn't cut the grass.
Will: Hilary, your parents just broke up.
Hilary: Oh, great. On top of it all, now I'm an orphan?
Ashley: Hilary, you're 27.
Hilary: I know. No one adopts anyone over 9.

Quote from Philip

Philip: Mm. Mm-mm-mm. Dinner smells delicious. What do you have in that pot?
Geoffrey: Boiling water, sir.
Philip: No one boils water like you, Geoffrey.
Philip: Anyone check the mail?
Geoffrey: It's on the counter, sir.
Philip: Ah, this modern communications, you mail something off yesterday and it's here today. Boy, there are all kinds of ways to keep in touch. Any messages for me?
Geoffrey: No messages.
Philip: Oh, and why should there be? There's always someone here to answer the phone. Any calls for me?
Geoffrey: Well, there was one.
Philip: Yes, I knew it. So who was it?
Geoffrey: Your skirt steaks are down at the depot. They'll be here by morning.

Quote from Will

Philip: Has your Aunt Viv called?
Will: Yeah, she called a little while ago.
Philip: [chuckles] And what does she have to say about me, huh?
Will: [chuckles] Nothing.
Philip: "Nothing," nothing? She didn't even mention my name?
Will: Oh, well, yeah, she mentioned your name.
Philip: Well, what'd she say?
Will: Oh, yeah, it was completely out of context.
Philip: Well, tell me. Tell me.
Will: Well, she said, "Did you talk to your mom back in Phil-adelphia?"

Quote from Aunt Helen

Aunt Helen: Vivian, girl, you watching a talk show? Please, the Bulls are playing.
Vivian: The Bulls? Since when are you a sports enthusiast?
Aunt Helen: Child, please. Since Michael Jordan went back to the NBA and started wearing them shorts again. Ah! Look at those buns. Booyah!

Quote from Aunt Helen

Nicky: Daddy.
Philip: [laughs] How you doing, buddy? You having a good time here at your Aunt Helen's?
Nicky: Yeah. She's teaching me all kinds of cool stuff, fat-head.
Aunt Helen: [laughs] Honey. Honey, please. You mustn't repeat things Aunt Helen tell you. [laughs] Come on. Let's go upstairs and watch the game.

Quote from Ashley

Ashley: Can you imagine if they never got back together?
[Ashley's fantasy: an older, heavier Ashley wearing her food court uniform:]
Ashley: Has anybody seen my hat? Where the hell is my hat? Dad? You're not hiding my hat so I have to stay home again, are you?
Philip: Oh, do you really have to go to work? I'm lonely.
Ashley: Yes, Dad. And what are you doing out of your room?
Philip: I wanna hear another story.
Ashley: Okay. You wanna hear another story. Once upon a time a little girl could've been a supermodel but her parents got divorced and she lost it all. The end. Wanna hear another?
Philip: No. No. Save something for tonight. Can't you stay a few more minutes?
Ashley: I could if the car wasn't repossessed and if I didn't have to walk to work.
Philip: Exercise would do you good.
Ashley: Was that a fat joke?

Quote from Geoffrey

[Geoffrey's fantasy: he is laying on the couch being fanned by a young, scantily-clad woman]
Geoffrey: Would you care for something to drink?
Woman: Yes, please.
Philip: You rang, Master Geoffrey?
Geoffrey: What took you so long? Two more, please, Philip. Fluff those cushions.
Philip: Yes.
Geoffrey: Dust the bookshelf. Clean the bathroom upstairs. Shine the mirror. Straighten the pictures. Tidy the plants. Get me a rose.

Quote from Carlton

[Carlton's fantasy: front-pages of The Bel-Air Gazette: "President-Elect Banks Embroiled in Bel-Air Gate Scandal", "President's Son Comes Under Fire"]
Carlton: For the love of God, man, shred, shred, shred. If I could just figure out who's been leaking all this to the press. It must be an inside job. Geoffrey, keep shredding.
Geoffrey: Yes, sir.
Philip: Carlton.
Carlton: Oh, don't worry, Big Guy, I'm taking care of our little problem.
Philip: Our little problem? [chuckles] Son, what were you thinking?
Carlton: What was I thinking? I told you everything I was doing. You were involved every step of the way.
Philip: I have no recollection of the event in question.
Carlton: No recollection? It was all for you. Ever since Mom left, it's all been for you.
Philip: I have no recollection of the event in question. [chuckles as Carlton rings his neck]

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