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‘There's the Rub (Part 2)’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: There's the Rub (Part 2)

610. There's the Rub (Part 2)

Aired November 20, 1995

Philip and Will are placed in a jail cell after being picked up at the massage parlor, while Vivian and her sisters wait for them to start Thanksgiving dinner. Meanwhile, Hilary and Carlton volunteer at the soup kitchen.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Aunt Helen: All right. Mm. Mm, mm. Another year, another hairdo. Who you trying to catch, Hattie?
Vy: I guess you and Will gonna be hitting one of them all-night Thanksgiving jams, huh?
Hattie: Oh, girl, that boy couldn't keep up with me if I gave him a head start.
Workman: I've got one more outside. I'll go get it.
Vivian: He's a hunk.
Vy: Yeah. Did you see the way he was looking at me?
Aunt Helen: Girl, that man wasn't looking at you, he was looking at me. Tsk. Looking at me like it was lunchtime and my legs was Colonel Sanders' extra crispy. Wasn't he, Geoffrey?
Geoffrey: If you mean something fast and cheap, yes.

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Quote from Philip

Will: You know, a few hours ago, my biggest problem was judging a stuffing contest. Now look at me. Stuck in a jail cell with some angry 400-pound man whose life you wrecked. You clipped him, didn't you? I'm sorry, Uncle Phil. [groans] It's the worst Thanksgiving I ever had.
Philip: And thank you so much for sharing it with me.
Will: Look at us. All hungry. I'm about to dig in to this cream-of-bug sandwich. And our family sitting around the dining-room table, big gorgeous roasted turkey, four different kinds of stuffing. Candied yams, and macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes.
Philip: And little tiny onions swimming in a sea of cream sauce. Hendricks!
Lieutenant Hendricks: Listen, Banks, if it's a sandwich you're after, they're all gone.
Philip: In the first place, it's not "Banks", it's "Your Honor." Now you get your butt over to that telephone and you pull the district attorney from whatever meal he may be eating and you tell him that you have Judge Philip Banks in jail under a bogus charge. And you might wanna mention the fact that we have been denied due process. A phone call, access to legal representation and every other conceivable right guaranteed to us by the constitution. And don't forget to mention that no statements have been taken, no witnesses interviewed, and none of the most fundamental procedures that the newest rookie on a beat would know, have been followed. My nephew and I are completely innocent, and if you don't take care of this matter, it will be you having your picture taken with numbers across your chest.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: I tell you, I really feel like I connected with those people down at the shelter today. When I reached out to them, they reached back. Of course, I stepped out of the way so they couldn't actually touch me but I really connected.

Quote from Will

Will: And we want $10,000 in unmarked bills and a helicopter on the roof gassed up and ready to take us to Tijuana. Oh, sorry. I just kind of got caught up in the moment.

Quote from Hilary

Sylvia: Those don't go there.
Hilary: Yes, they do. You said before-
Sylvia: No, I told you those go in the back. I should expect that from someone who's probably never cleaned a dish in their life.
Hilary: What's your problem? From the first second I got here, you've been on me like I've done something wrong. Sure, maybe I don't come to places like this and do this kind of work as often as I could. And maybe sometimes I say things that sound insensitive and self-centered but that's who I am, damn it. It doesn't make me a bad person. Just because you volunteer more days a year than I do doesn't mean you're better than me.
Sylvia: I didn't volunteer at all.
Hilary: Oh, so you're paid to be here.
Sylvia: Honey, I live here.
Hilary: So the plates go in the back?

Quote from Aunt Helen

Vivian: I wonder why Philip and Will are so late.
Vy: Well, maybe they pulled in, smelled your stuffing and turned back around.
Aunt Helen: [laughs] Now, that's a good one. [laughs] Of course, yours ain't no better.

Quote from Ashley

Ashley: You know, it's just like men. They're probably at some sports bar puffing cigars, watching football on a big screen completely disregarding the years of suffering that women...
Hattie: Shut up, Ashley.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: So, what do you think?
Sylvia: A caterer for Thanksgiving dinner. I think it's just as snooty and stuck-up as you can get. But I think it's great. Everybody's having a good time.
Hilary: Yeah.
Sylvia: That is, until it's time for me to do the dishes.
Hilary: Sylvia, let me take care of the dishes. My butler, Geoffrey, can be here in 15 minutes. [laughs]
Sylvia: How about if we do them together?
Hilary: Then what'll Geoffrey do?

Quote from Philip

Philip: Let's get the hell out of here.
Will: Oh, hey, what are we gonna tell Aunt Viv?
Philip: Will, Will, here's another very important lesson. When you have a chronic back problem and you go for a therapeutic massage and wind up in a house of ill-repute, which is subsequently raided and you are arrested by mistake... never tell your wife. Hmm? Poof.
Will: Oh, you are definitely the master. Let's go get some of them tiny onions.

Quote from Aunt Helen

Vivian: It doesn't matter whose stuffing was best it was just fun being in that kitchen together. Oh.
Aunt Helen: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, I love y'all too but the bottom line is my stuffing was the best. Any fool can see that. [all groan] You tasted it. You tasted it with your own mouth. [all leave] Slaving in that- No, I was slaving in that kitchen all day. I know who I am. I don't care if y'all leave the table. Happy Thanksgiving to you too. Every man I cook for likes what I cook. That's right. I'm all right. I'm getting out of here. Hah. I'm going somewhere for Christmas. Hah.

Quote from Will

Lieutenant Hendricks: Well, well, well, what do we have here? It's an honor, Your Honor.
Philip: Ha-ha-ha. That's very amusing, Hendricks. Look, why don't you save us all a lot of trouble and just drop this nonsense?
Lieutenant Hendricks: It's not up to me to drop it only the DA can make that call, but I thought you'd know that.
Philip: Look, the DA is not gonna file on this. It's garbage. Nothing happened.
Will: Ah. Well, we can't say nothing happened, Uncle Phil. You know, there was a couple of butt-naked honeys scattered around that place.
Lieutenant Hendricks: You know, when the press gets ahold of this, they're gonna have a field day. Lock them up.
Will: Oh, all right, I guess you just gonna do us like this, huh, bro? Just like that? I guess you wasn't at the Million Man March, huh? [as the masseuses walk by] Wait a minute. Wait, wait a minute. Wait a minute. This cell ain't full yet. Hold up, hold up. My back. My back.

Quote from Will

Will: Wait, Uncle Phil, where you going?
Philip: I'm gonna call my lawyer.
Will: Wait, wait, wait. Uncle Phil, you might know your way around the mean streets of Bel-Air but I think you better let me handle this brother on the phone, all right? Hold up. Yo, bro, phone check. Hey, look, we got an important call to make.
Tiny: [on the phone] What's the big deal anyway? It wouldn't be the first time you broke somebody's legs. All right. I love you too, Mama. [hangs up] You want the phone?
Will: Uh... Y-yes, please.
Tiny: [pulls phone off the wall] It's yours.
Will: [to Uncle Phil] It's for you.

Quote from Will

Will: I'm thinking that in a week when we look back on this, we are just gonna laugh. [off Uncle Phil's look] Maybe two weeks.

Quote from Will

Tiny: I got it. Edison Field, fall of 1967.
Philip: That was the Dartmouth game. Tiny Williams.
Tiny: Oh. And you're Big Phil Banks.
Philip: How you doing?
Will: Wait a minute, so you guys are old college buddies. Hey, it's a good thing, man I thought we was gonna have to Bruce Lee you up in here, you know? Skippy?

Quote from Philip

Philip: Oh. I haven't seen you since you had your accident in the big game.
Tiny: That was no accident at all. That was clipping.
Philip: Oh, come on, that's not what the referee said. And what about that shot to the helmet during the last play? What was that?
Tiny: A shot to the helmet? [both chuckle]
Philip: Oh, so how you been?
Tiny: Man, my knee was never the same after that game. Lost my scholarship, had to leave school, and then I got drafted. Ended up with a head full of shrapnel. Couldn't hold a job once I got back. So to make a few bucks, I drove a friend's car a cross-country for him. What he didn't tell me was there was 40 pounds of pot in the trunk. I did 10 hard years, and finally got out. But after that, my life started to go bad. How about you, Banks?
Philip: About the same.

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