Geraldo Rivera: Hi everybody, I'm Geraldo Rivera. Tonight we'll be talking about what most of you have probably been discussing in your homes, and around the water coolers in your offices. I am speaking of course of the controversial Good Samaritan trial that gets underway Thursday in Latham, Massachusetts. Now, before we meet our distinguished panel, let's go to Latham live, where Jane Wells is standing by. Jane.
Jane Wells: Yes. Good evening, Geraldo.
Geraldo Rivera: What's the mood? What's going on tonight?
Jane Wells: Well, Latham is fairly quite tonight, considering the media circus that has descended upon this quaint little town.
Geraldo Rivera: And what about the defendants, the so-called New York Four. How are they holding up?
Jane Wells: Well, I did speak with one of the deputies who has some contact with them, and he told me quote, "There's no love lost with that group."
Geraldo Rivera: Anything else, Jane?
Jane Wells: There also seems to be some friction between Mr. Seinfeld, and Ms. Benes. The rumor is that they once dated, and it's possible that ended badly.
Geraldo Rivera: Well, ladies and gentlemen, who know, maybe this trial will bring them closer together. Maybe they'll even end up getting married.

D.A. Hoyt: Ladies and gentlemen, last year, our City Council by a vote of twelve to two, passed a Good Samaritan Law. Now, essentially, we made it a crime to ignore a fellow human being in trouble. Now this group from New York not only ignored, but, as we will prove, they actually mocked the victim as he was being robbed at gunpoint. I can guarantee you one other thing, ladies and gentlemen, this is not the first time they have behaved in this manner. On the contrary, they have quite a record of mocking and maligning. This is a history of selfishness, self-absorption, immaturity, and greed. And you will see how everyone who has come into contact with these four individuals has been abused, wronged, deceived and betrayed. This time, they have gone too far. This time they are going to be held accountable. This time, they are the ones who will pay.
[Newman shown eating popcorn in the courtroom]

D.A. Hoyt: Now, Mrs. Choate, would you please tell the court what happen the evening of January 4th.
Mabel Choate: Well, I was in Snitzer's Bakery when I got accosted by that man.
D.A. Hoyt: Let the record show that she is pointing at Mr. Seinfeld. What did he want?
Mabel Choate: My marble rye.
D.A. Hoyt: Your marble rye?
Mabel Choate: I got the last one. He kept persisting, and I said no.
D.A. Hoyt: And then you left the bakery.
Mabel Choate: That's right.
D.A. Hoyt: But it didn't end there, did it, Mrs. Choate?
Mabel Choate: Oh, no.
[flashback to Jerry mugging Mabel Choate for her marble rye]

D.A. Hoyt: The state calls Mr. Babu Bhatt to the stand.
Jerry: How did they find Babu?
Elaine: I thought he was deported.

Geraldo Rivera: Hi everybody, I'm Geraldo Rivera and welcome to this special edition of Rivera Live. Well, arguments in the Good Samaritan trial ended today. The jury has been in deliberation for four and a half hours now. Let's go live to Jane Wells who is in Latham, Massachusetts, covering this trial for us. Jane.
Jane Wells: Geraldo, just a few minutes ago, the jury asked to see the video tape.
Geraldo Rivera: That's the one where they are overheard making sarcastic remarks during the robbery.
Jane Wells: Yes, it's a very incriminating piece of evidence. But I must tell you, Geraldo, this courtroom and everyone who has attended this trial is still reeling from the endless parade of witness who have come forth so enthusiastically to testify against these four seemingly ordinary people. One even had the feeling that if Judge Vandelay didn't finally put a stop to it, it could've gone on for months.
Geraldo Rivera: Jane, whose testimony do you think resonated most strongly with this jury?
Jane Wells: That is so hard to say. Certainly, there's the doctor with the poison invitations. The Bubble Boy was an extremely sympathetic and tragic figure. And that bizarre contest certainly didn't sit well with this small-town jury.There's the woman they sold the defective wheelchair to. The deported Pakistani restaurateur. Geraldo, it just went on, and on, and on, into the night.
Geraldo Rivera: And so we wait.

[stand-up in prison:]
Jerry: So what is the deal with the yard? I mean when I was a kid my mother wanted me to play in the yard. But of course she didn't have to worry about my next door neighbor Tommy sticking a shiv in my thigh. [Kramer is the only one to laugh] And what's with the lockdown? Why do we have to be locked in our cells? Are we that bad that we have to be sent to prison, in prison? You would think the weightlifting and the sodomy is enough. [Kramer still the only one laughing] So, anyone from Cellblock D?
Prisoner #1: [o.s.] I am.
Jerry: I'll talk slower. I'm kidding. I love Cellblock D. My friend George is in Cellblock D. What are you in for,sir?
Prisoner #2: [o.s.] Murder one.
Jerry: Murder one? Ooh, watch out everybody. Better be nice to you. I'm only kidding sir, lighten up. How about you, what are you in for?
Prisoner #3: Grand theft auto.
Jerry: Grand theft auto, don't steal any of my jokes.
Prisoner #1: You suck. I'm gonna cut you.
Jerry: Hey, I don't come down to where you work, and knock the license plate out of your hand.
Guard: All right, Seinfeld, that's it. Let's go. Come on.
Jerry: All right, hey, you've been great! See you in the cafeteria. [Kramer applauds]

[stand-up:]
Jerry: The whale's supposed to be such an intelligent animal. You know, you always hear about how they can communicate by song from miles away, how extensive their vocabulary is. I would say, from the rate we're pushing the whales off the beach back into the ocean, the words "shore" and "close" do not appear to be in their vocabulary. I would say to the whales, "Concentrate less on the singing, a little more on the approaching Cuervo beach volleyball tournament. If you want to maintain that brainy-mammal image."

[stand-up:]
Jerry: Now, I know women often complain about the number of things you have to do to get male attention. The high heels, the pantyhose, the make-up. But let me tell you, it's even worse if you're a man. Because if you're a man, you don't know what to do. That's why we're building bridges, climbing mountains, exploring uncharted territories. You think we want to do these things? Nobody wants to build a bridge. It's really, really hard. Designing rockets, flying off into space. I guarantee you, every astronaut when he comes back from space, goes up to a girl and goes, "So, did you see me up there?"

Elaine: What's this one?
Clerk: That's Cinnamon babka.
Jerry: Another babka?
Clerk: There's chocolate and there's cinnamon.
Jerry: Well, we've got to get the cinnamon.
Elaine: No, but they got the chocolate. We'll be going in with lesser babka.
Jerry: I beg your pardon? Cinnamon takes a back seat to no babka. People love cinnamon. It should be on tables at restaurants along with salt and pepper. Anytime anyone says, "Oh, this is so good. What's in it?" The answer invariably comes back, cinnamon. Cinnamon, again and again. Lesser babka? I think not.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: You remember a few years ago in New York, we had the doorman strike? They have a union in the fancy buildings, and they went out on strike. Now you would think, if any group of people would not wanna demonstrate what life would be like without them, it would be doormen. "Let's see how they do without us!" There's no doorman, people open the door, they walk in. It's, you know... Who's gonna walk out next? The guys who clean your windshield at the traffic light, with the dirty rag? "We demand shorter yellows, and longer reds!"