Jerry Quote #1797
Quote from Jerry in The Finale
[stand-up in prison:]
Jerry: So what is the deal with the yard? I mean when I was a kid my mother wanted me to play in the yard. But of course she didn't have to worry about my next door neighbor Tommy sticking a shiv in my thigh. [Kramer is the only one to laugh] And what's with the lockdown? Why do we have to be locked in our cells? Are we that bad that we have to be sent to prison, in prison? You would think the weightlifting and the sodomy is enough. [Kramer still the only one laughing] So, anyone from Cellblock D?
Prisoner #1: [o.s.] I am.
Jerry: I'll talk slower. I'm kidding. I love Cellblock D. My friend George is in Cellblock D. What are you in for,sir?
Prisoner #2: [o.s.] Murder one.
Jerry: Murder one? Ooh, watch out everybody. Better be nice to you. I'm only kidding sir, lighten up. How about you, what are you in for?
Prisoner #3: Grand theft auto.
Jerry: Grand theft auto, don't steal any of my jokes.
Prisoner #1: You suck. I'm gonna cut you.
Jerry: Hey, I don't come down to where you work, and knock the license plate out of your hand.
Guard: All right, Seinfeld, that's it. Let's go. Come on.
Jerry: All right, hey, you've been great! See you in the cafeteria. [Kramer applauds]
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Finale’ Quotes
Quote from Jackie Chiles
D.A. Hoyt: Call Mabel Choate to the stand.
Bailiff: Call Mabel Choate.
Jackie Chiles: Your Honor. I most strenuously and vigorously object to this witness. She was not present at the time of the incident. Her testimony is irrelevant, irrational, and inconsequential.
Quote from Newman
Newman: Hello, Jerry.
Jerry: Hello, Newman. What gives?
Newman: I was speaking earlier with Kramer and he mentioned something about a private jet to Paris?
Jerry: Yeah, that's right.
Newman: Well, I hear it's quite beautiful there this time of year, and of course you know I'm one-quarter French.
Jerry: Really?
Newman: Oh, yes. In fact, I still have family there. This probably won't interest you, but I have a cousin there who's suffering very badly. She's lost all use of her muscles. She can only communicate by blinking. I would so love to see her, bring a ray of sunshine into her tragic life. But alas, I can't afford it, for I am, as you know, but a simple postal worker.
Jerry: That's a shame.
Newman: Take me! Take me!
Jerry: Oh, forget it. Pull yourself together. You're making me sick. Be a man!
Newman: All right! But hear me and hear me well. The day will come. Oh, yes. Mark my words, Seinfeld. Your day of reckoning is coming. When an evil wind will blow through your little play world, and wipe that smug smile off your face. And I'll be there, in all my glory, watching. Watching as it all comes crumbling down. [evil laugh]
Quote from Jerry
D.A. Hoyt: You've came a long way to be here today, haven't you?
Babu: Yes, all the way from Pakistan.
D.A. Hoyt: And what's your connection to the defendant?
Babu: I owned a restaurant. Seinfeld told me to change the menu to Pakistani. But nobody came! There were no people.
D.A. Hoyt: And then what happened?
Babu: Then, he got me an apartment in his building. But they mixed up the mail. And I never got my immigration renewal papers. So they deported me. It's all his fault. Him. And the woman. But they did not care. They're totally indifferent. All they do is mock me. Just like they did the fat fellow. All the time ,ocking, mocking, mocking, mocking, mocking. All the time! Now it is Babu's turn to mock. Finally I will have some justice. Send them away! Send them all away! Lock them up forever! They are not human. Very bad! Very, very, very bad! [wags finger]