Ray: Are you sure this is what you want, David? This looks like someone put a tarp over their living room furniture.
David: Yeah, I'm going for an English estate in the off-season.
Ray: Okay, it's just, uh, do you really want these photos to say my relationship is an old estate in the off-season? Why don't I show you the county fair backdrop, I think a Ferris wheel would look so cute on a mouse pad.
David: I don't think we're gonna do the mouse pads.

Johnny: Ray, you don't need to be documenting this.
Ray: I was told to capture the day.
Patrick: Ray, I don't think this is a part of the day that anybody is gonna wanna remember.
Ray: Can you say that again for the camera?

Ray: Knock, knock, everybody decent?
David: Oh, my God!
Patrick: Once again, Ray, saying "knock knock" is not the same thing as actually knocking.

Alexis: Okay, hi, hi. This image is gonna be used as the key art for the new website, so it has to be like, on message.
Ray: Yes, uh, Stevie, Mr. Rose, the motivation here is two small-town friends welcoming guests to their humble motel.
Johnny: Oh. Should I be holding a key?
Ray: No, Mr. Rose, unless you wanna look really, really corny.
Alexis: Yeah, like really, really cheesy, and off-brand.
Johnny: All right, no key.
Ray: No key. Just look at the camera like, uh, it's a guest. If the camera was your guest, how would you greet her?

David: Are these original moldings?
Ray: Yes, but we can rip those out.

David: Is this a functioning fireplace?
Ray: Yes, we found an incinerated squirrel carcass there last week.

Alexis: So I'm assuming this place comes fully furnished?
Ray: [laughs] No, this is all completely staged.
David: Hmm, it must be very expensive to furnish a place like this.
Ray: Ah, not really if you get it second hand. Or, uh, maybe you get up early on Tuesdays, which is garbage day, and find a discarded couch or sofa.

David: It's very quiet in here, Ray, it's like, alarmingly quiet.
Ray: The apartment was soundproofed by the previous owner. But the irony is the people next door are completely deaf, so you could literally scream for hours, and no one would hear you. [fake scream]
David: Did you hear that? You could scream for hours, and no one would hear you.
Alexis: Okay well, think about how much fun that will be for parties, David.

Ray: There's never been a better time to sell a motel.
Johnny: It's a terrible time to sell this motel.
Ray: Either way, in reality, it's always best to tell the client what they want to hear.

Ray: Okay, look at her. But don't really look at her, look at me. Look at her, and look at me. Oh, that's good, that's good, closer. Closer.