David: What are you guys doing over here? You remind me of me at a high school house party judging all the attractive and popular kids for being attractive and popular.

Moira: Look at you, John, doling out gift after gift this morning like the Turkish Saint Nikolaas. I'll just have the fruit cup to go, please. I must attend to some good news of my own.

Johnny: Ooh! I think I just found the issue. It might be in the diaper.
Moira: Oh, it was the bébé. I'm so relieved!
Johnny: Yeah, I think they left extra diapers. They assumed we'd take care of it. You wanna grab the rubber gloves?
Moira: They're Tom Ford, John, no! And they wouldn't fit you anyway.
Johnny: The cleaning gloves under the sink.

Ted: [talking to dogs] Just be outgoing, be open, and show them your best self. And don't worry, I'll be vetting everyone in advance.
Alexis: Hi.
Ted: Hi. How long have you been standing there?
Alexis: Um, long enough.
Ted: Yeah, I was just giving them a little "pup talk".

Jocelyn and Twyla: From one lover to another Uh huh Islands in the stream
Moira: [singing in another language]
Jocelyn and Twyla: That is what we are
Moira: K-H-E-O-K!
Jocelyn and Twyla: No one in between How can we be wrong
Moira: [singing in another language]
Jocelyn and Twyla: Sail away with me to another world
Moira: [singing loudly in another language]
Jocelyn and Twyla: We'll be lying with each other, uh huh
Moira: Uh huh.

Johnny: Oh, just continue on inside.
Roland: Well, I hope we didn't catch the two of you with your pants down.
Jocelyn: Oh.
Roland: I'm just joking, I can see they're on. No, we actually listened outside to make sure.

Johnny: I'm just looking for someone who sells raw milk. From a cow. That's a big business right now.
Alexis: What's a big business right now?
Johnny: Raw milk.
Twyla: Shhh! You would make a terrible drug dealer, Mr. Rose.