Jocelyn: Um, David, I need to ask ya a little question about this baggy of Joshua tree tea?
David: Sure.
Jocelyn: Is it drugs?
David: Uh, no. It's loose leaf tea.
Jocelyn: Okay. Because it smells exactly like...
Roland: Oh, come on. Oh, wow. Geez, I didn't realize this place was a front.
David: It's not a front. That is a tea that Mr. Hockley makes out of a greenhouse on his farm. And now that I've said it out loud, I might have to double check.

David: Um, am I reading this right?
Alexis: "The Moira's Rose's Garden."
Johnny: Okay, look, I went back and forth on the name a couple of times, and I may have confused the engraver.
David: The Moira's Rose's Garden. So the garden is dedicated to a rose that Moira owns?
Alexis: I don't think that there are enough apostrophes.

Stevie: I just wanna make sure that we're still fine, you know, down the line. Because what if things get complicated?
David: What would make things complicated?
Stevie: Nothing! But the last thing we want is a situation where one person is breaking up with another person, and that person is hurt, because things have gotten complicated!
David: Okay, I'm starting to feel like I'm trapped in an Avril Lavigne lyric here. And while I not-so-secretly love Avril, and have paid very close attention to her battle with Lyme disease... Um, I don't know why we're...

Johnny: The issue is the brown sludge in my bed. We're selling the place!
David: It's 6:00 am!
Johnny: What's the name of that mouthy kid at the front desk?
David: I don't know. I'm trying very hard not to connect with people right now.
Johnny: The mouth. The mouth. The girl.
David: You might want to rethink the nightgown first. There's an Ebenezer Scrooge thing happening right now.
Alexis: Oh, my God, that's who I was thinking of.
Johnny: You know what?! I'll do it myself.
David: My best to Bob Cratchit.

David: Why don't I start? Um, I'm miserable, drunk, and hate this game. So here's a hint. Sadly, I'm not drunk.

David: I'm sorry that I just know what looks correct. And this situation is not correct! Toilet plungers on display at the front of a store, is incorrect! Breath mints where the lip balms should be. Not correct! Not correct. These mountaineering shoes that my boyfriend is wearing, looking like Oprah on a Thanksgiving Day hike, incorrect.
Patrick: I'm sorry, what did you just say?
David: I said the breath mints need to move.
Patrick: I think it was something about your boyfriend's shoes?
David: Um. I don't remember saying that.
Stevie: Yeah, no, that's what I heard.
Patrick: Well hey, my boyfriend doesn't like the shoes, I could, I could take the shoes off.
David: I mean, or not. I don't remember saying it. So, you can do whatever you'd like.

Wendy: Now the candles, are they something that we would sell at a blouse store?
David: No, those are just decorative. Scent is a really important factor in defining a brand. Alexander Wang once fired my friend over the smell of his cologne. To Alex's credit, "Curve Pour Hommes" hasn't been the look since '97.

Johnny: What is that? Is that a new lamp?
David: Yeah, I'm thinking of bringing home-ware into the store, so that's a write off.
Johnny: That's a write off?
David: Yeah.
Johnny: Do you even know what a write off is?!
David: Uh, yeah. It's when you buy something for your business and the government pays you back for it.
Johnny: Oh, and who pays for it?
David: Nobody, you write it off.
Johnny: Who writes it off?!
David: I don't know, the govern- The "write off" people! Why are we having this conversation?

Patrick: You have nothing to worry about, David, and I can return these tickets to the Julia Stiles-a-thon at the drive-in tonight.
David: Let me see those.
Patrick: I agree, that might have been a little overboard.
David: Okay, first of all, let it be known that supporting Julia Stiles is never going overboard.

Stevie: Um, look, I know this probably isn't your thing, but there's a tailgate party later. It's not exactly clubbing, but, you know, close.
David: I don't even know what 'tailgate' means. In my mind I'm picturing like a Klan rally.
Stevie: Yeah, just fewer pointy hats. It's just townies with un-ironic haircuts.
David: Okay. I'm gonna pass. I'm not really in the mood to be a victim of a hate crime tonight, so...