Joan Day: Katherine cheated?
Bob Day: Yeah.
Joan Day: Oh, Bob, that's terrible, I'm so sorry.
Bob Day: Yeah.
Joan Day: No, really, I had no idea.
Bob Day: Yeah, well, yeah.
Joan Day: Oh, sorry, really. Come here, come here, let me...
Bob Day: Salmonella... Salmonella.

Bob Day: Hey, sweetie. Hi. Hi.
Jess: Hi, Daddy.
Bob Day: Gee, I'm sorry we're late, you know, but we saw Seal at the airport. We talked to him for 20 minutes, got his autograph. Wasn't him.
Ashley: No.

Bob Day: It's all right, Joan, you don't have to do it. You want, you can go back to your basting.
Joan Day: What, did you get a little jealous, Bob?
Bob Day: Of that idiot? What, are you kidding me? You know, she's really got to stop doing this. She's so stubborn.
Joan Day: Wonder where she got that? Did she ever text you some photos?
Bob Day: You mean of you in the shower?
Joan Day: Yeah.
Bob Day: I got 'em.
Joan Day: I was just wondering.
Bob Day: Eh, maybe I was a little jealous.

Joan Day: I won't tell her if you don't.
Bob Day: Tell her about what? [Joan jumps into his arms]

Bob Day: What about you? You got a girl?
Nick: No. No, no, no, no, no.
Bob Day: No, really?
Nick: No, no, no, no. No girls for me. No.
Bob Day: Seriously? A good-looking guy like you? It'd seem like women would just flock to you.
Nick: No, no, it's not like that.
Bob Day: Let's talk about you and girls!
Nick: I don't want to talk about this.
Bob Day: ...and a young guy.
Nick: This isn't something we should talk about, Bob, trust me!

Bob Day: [to Winston] You sure you want to be eating so much cake with a body like that?

Jess: We have a pump that can blow that thing up in, like, two seconds.
Bob Day: I prefer to do this the old-fashioned way. I know that's not the way things are done around here. So long as I'm in town, I am going to sleep between you and him.
Jess: Dad, you don't have to worry about me. I know you think this is gonna be a mess, but it's my mess.
Bob Day: Jess, I'm your father I'll always worry about you.

Ashley: Oh, it's just so great to see you guys again. Will you please remind me? Were you there my first senior year or my second? I was not good at high school. Oh, the early 2000s. God, I did so much E. Just doing E, watching that show Ed.
Cece: I would love to know how you two lovers met.
Ashley: Oh, yeah!
Bob Day: Oh, yeah, sure.
Ashley: Okay, so I was listening to him sing with his band, The Co-Pays.
Jess: I didn't know you were in a band, Dad.
Bob Day: Yeah, just... just me and a few other pharmacists. You know, we do alt rock covers.
Ashley: Oh, man, when he started singing "She's So High"...
Bob Day: [sings] She's so high...
Ashley: Stop. Because I'm gonna fall in love again. Okay, go, I want to.
Bob Day: [sings] She's so high...

Cece: Ashley, have you kept in touch with our DARE officer?
Jess: Oh! Cece.
Ashley: Oh. Okay, I... I get it. You guys heard about that rumor that I had sex with the DARE officer?
Jess: No! Only a crazy person...
Ashley: That rumor was true.
Jess: Crazy fun person.
Ashley: Oh, yeah, that guy. Wow, I did not just say no. I said yes.
Bob Day: Oh, yeah.
Ashley: I just said, "Yes, yes, yes."
Bob Day: Oh, she said yes a lot. She's had sex with hundreds of guys.
Ashley: Yeah.
Bob Day: You know, we spent some time trying to total them all up.
Ashley: It was fun.
Bob Day: Killed a whole Saturday. Yeah.
Ashley: We couldn't even get through the list.
Bob Day: We got to the "Ls."

Ashley: But that was in the past. And then I was diagnosed with a sex addiction.
Jess: Oh, great.
Ashley: Thankfully, I attended rehab. Which... did not take the first time. Or the second. But third time's the charm. For a lot of people. Not for me. For me, it took four. Four times. Well, Bobby, we should get ready to go to the beach.
Bob Day: Okay.
Ashley: Yeah. Thank you so much for this delicious brunch, Jess. It was wonderful. I ate so much, I'm gonna have to bang nine guys just to work it off. [Bob laughs]
Jess: Oh, my goodness.
Ashley: I'm kidding. I did do that once, but I'm not gonna do it this time. It's all in the past for me.