Bob Day: Isn't she great? I just love her. She makes me laugh so much.
Jess: [groans]
Bob Day: What? What... what, are you humming?
Jess: Mm... Dad, just so we have this conversation...
Bob Day: No, no, Jess.
Jess: She seems like the type of girl who might hurt you.
Bob Day: Jessica...
Jess: I've seen you get hurt by a lot less.
Bob Day: Please, don't... don't go there. No matter what you say, you're not gonna change my mind. I'm in love with her, and I'm gonna marry her.
Cece: Gonna... get a new mom, Jess.
Bob Day: [sings] She's so high...

Jess: Ashley, if you're gonna relapse, relapse with my dad.
Ashley: I'm not relapsing. This is Roy. He's my L.A. sponsor.
Bob Day: This is Roy? Oh! You know, I... I always wanted to meet you. Hi. Jess, he's not a strange man. He's a sex addict.
Roy: Former sex addict. Uh, current chocoholic. [to Jess] I'd be in trouble if you were black.
Jess: Thank you?

Jess: Ashley, look, I screwed up. I have to let my dad make mistakes.
Ashley: Oh, I'm a mistake?
Jess: No, you are not a mistake. That came out wrong.
Ashley: I'm sorry, Bob. I never meant to come between you and your daughter. I love you so damn much. You're my big, round, bald, fuzzy Weeble-Wobble. But I just... I just need a little space.
Jess: It's not over, Dad. Get the ring.

Bob Day: You don't have the rings?!
Jess: Well, Dad, hold on...
Ashley: [enters] You don't have the rings?!
Bob Day: Oh! Damn it, no! That's... No, this is bad. We're doomed! You look beautiful, but we are doomed.

Jess: Hey, Priscilla.
Bob Day: Oh, no, no, no, no.
Jess: Hi. I was wondering if you would like to get a decaf coffee and talk about local news with my dad.
Priscilla: Really, Bob? You want to take me out?
Bob Day: Ha, ha, ha, you...
Priscilla: Let's do it. Let's do it. Yeah, I have a new jean jacket I've been wanting to break out. It's stone-washed.
Bob Day: Okay. Okay.
Jess: Well, that was just about the cutest thing I've ever seen. Even though this morning I thought you were married.

Bob Day: Hey, you know, I'm a passionate guy. All right. [checks Rolodex]
Jess: What are you doing, Dad?
Bob Day: Well, I mean, you were nice enough to help me to move on. Now I'm gonna see if I can find somebody for you. Got it. My best friend Ray. His son John. Well, he's a little heavyset, but, you know, he makes a good living.
Jess: Dad, put the Rolodex down.

Bob Day: [answers phone] Hello?
Nick: Mr. Day. It's Nick Miller. Is Jess there?
Bob Day: She's out. Can I take what I assume will be an idiotic message?
Nick: Ah, it's actually, it's kind of private.
Bob Day: Okay, fine. Talk to you later.