[on movie screen:]
Cece: What do I think of when I think of Jess?
Winston: When I think of Jess. Okay.
Dr. Foster: When I think about Jess...
Rose: I think of how sweet she is and how smart she is.
Winston: Uh, is glasses and the hair thing.
Cece: Think of dance parties and sleepovers.
Coach: Jess does not like being tackled.
Winston: The eyes, two eyes.
Dr. Foster: Happy birthday, Ms. Day. Your youthful exuberance exhausts me. May it fade with each passing year.
Coach: Well, she made me try papayas. That was cool. They're super soft inside.
Outside Dave: Jess is the upstairs lady.
Winston: There is a there is a ma- I feel like I'm not doing this right.

[on movie screen:]
Rose: Happy birthday to my best work friend. Tina, if you see this, I'm sorry. I just feel like we drifted apart after Jeremy's cocaine thing. It was awkward.
Sadie: "When the stirrups of life start to feel like the speculum of old age" Nick, I'm not reading this. Happy birthday, Jess. Your boyfriend is sweet and simple and will not get out of my waiting room.
Bearclaw: I saw a squirrel once. It looked like Jess. Then it attacked my sister, so I had to beat it with a stick, and then it didn't look like Jess anymore. Happy birthday. It's Bearclaw.
Winston: Birthday Winston is about to do some.
[Tran is on the screen but doesn't say anything]
Nick: [to Jess] He said a bunch, but it was really weird and racist.

[on movie screen:]
Kids: Happy birthday, Ms. Day. Yay!
Joan Day: What I remember most of all is the pain. Honestly, it was 36 hours-- more than that-- of just searing, ripping, and then... [claps] [imitates baby wailing] Out you came, the most beautiful, beautiful little baby I ever saw in my life. And I forgot all the pain.
Bob Day: When you were born, I got a deli sandwich at the hospital cafeteria. And then there was a baby.
Cece: Happy birthday to my oldest and my best friend.
Dr. Foster: Happy birthday, Ms. Day.
Coach: Happy birthday.
Outside Dave: Birthday.
Sadie: Happy birthday, Jess.
Rose: Happy birthday, Jess.
Bearclaw: Happy birthday from Bearclaw.
Bob Day: I love you. Happy birthday.
Joan Day: Happy, happy birthday.
Kids: You have a cool boyfriend.
Nick: This is the coin I had in my pocket the first night we kissed. And I always have it. Happy birthday, Jess.

Cece: Nick, you need a plan, okay? I don't care what Jess says. She's going to expect something.
Nick: I have to plan a birthday before the birthday?
Schmidt: The whole day is the birthday.
Cece: This is a very big deal. This is your first birthday together as a couple.
Nick: All right, you know what? It's gonna be okay. It's her birthday. That girl's gonna want to sleep in. My day is not starting till noon.

Cece: Bum, bum, bum! Birthday Eve Cocktail.
Jess: Oh, my God. You're my favorite bartender. Thank you! [drinks] Oh, my God. What is that?
Cece: Is it not good? I'm still learning how to make drinks. I'm better at shots. Want a birthday shot?
Jess: I think I'm good.

Rose: I mean, what are you gonna do? Something special?
Jess: Maybe. You know, whatever Nick wants to do. I'm not really a birthday person.
Cece: Please.
Jess: I do have a lot of expectations for people.
[flashback:]
Cece: Happy birthday.
Jess: [unwraps a sweater] Oh, my God. "Made in China"?! Are you taking me to China?!
[present:]
Jess: And that's why, a long time ago, I decided that I would spend my birthday alone at the movies. It's just safer, you know? No getting your hopes up, no getting let down.

Cece: Hey. She has no idea about the party. [guy's celebrate]
Nick: Uh, Winston's STD-free.
Winston: Whew! It was a close call. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Close call, y'all.

Nick: Do you guys know how hard it's been for me to keep this party a secret?
Schmidt: Nick, it's been an inspiration, and that's why we're gonna help you cross that finish line, okay? This is our Rudy.
Nick: Very condescending but thank you.
Schmidt: Right on.

Coach: Psych! I'm the best at stuff. I don't forget stuff. First place!
Winston: Wait. Why are you first place? I dominated on cake patrol.
Nick: And thank you for getting that cake. You don't have to add the "patrol."
Coach: Decorations beats cake.
Winston: Uh, no. Cake definitely beats decorations.
Coach: Oh, really? Let's do a word association game, okay?
Winston: Yeah. I'm in, I'm in.
Coach: Birthday.
Winston: Decorations. Wait, what'd I say?

Nick: Okay, Schmidt, are you ready to transport all electronics to the party venue?
Schmidt: By "electronics," you mean this itty-bitty flash drive that I can fit in my pocket and that is light as air?
Nick: I need a verbal confirmation.
Schmidt: You insult me. Yes.