Cece: Okay, an old-fashioned, an old-fashioned, an old-fashioned. If it's old-fashioned, it probably has something like absinthe...
Schmidt: Oh, the old-fashioned. One of my favorite drinks; a classic cocktail. Just a half ounce of simple syrup. Splash of water, two dashes of bitters. Mix that up with some ice. And then, you know my personal favorite. You know, and just, far be it from me, but the bourbon whiskey.
Cece: Bourbon.
Schmidt: Two ounces of bourbon whiskey. No. It's not the Scotch whiskey. It's- No, it's certainly not the vermouth. Vermouth would be insane. Yes, the bourbon whiskey. My favorite. Wonderful. Look at that. Old-fashioned.
Cece: Hmm. Old-fashioned?
Mike: [flatly] Oh, my stars and garters, you made a drink. Holy crud.

Schmidt: [answers phone] Yes, Nick! I have the electronics!
Nick: Do you know any, like, time-consuming and free activities in Griffith Park?
Schmidt: Gross! Suicide?
Nick: Schmidt, please. I need some a- Well, just figure it out, dude! [to Jess] Oh, it's my mom.

Jess: Okay, um, found the biggest rock I could carry. It was this one. Um. It's heavy.
Nick: It's huge. Yeah, heavy.

Nick: Jess! Look, look, I'm sorry, Jess.
Jess: No, no, no, Nick, I just I don't know why I get so crazy about birthdays. You know, it's crazy, 'cause you had a very fun day put together. Eggs and sex and and a really long uphill walk. And, um look, um, that's amazing for you, you know? For me? You're not a guy who plans things.
Nick: Maybe I am.
Jess: Look every day, you show me, in your own way, how you care about me. Like when you pick up rubber bands on the sidewalk.
Nick: For your ponytail.
Jess: I could not be more fine. I'm super chill. I'm just gonna go home for a second. Bye.
Nick: Jess, let's keep... Jess!
Jess: Don't follow me.

Coach: You're wearing paper towels.
Winston: Behind! No it's an environmental-friendly, recyclable apron.

Cece: Hey, Mike.
Mike: What?
Cece: So I cleaned out the beer trap, I polished all these wine glasses, and I turned that penis graffiti in the bathroom into a whimsical hat. Now my friend and I have to go to a party. All right, Schmidt, let's go.
Schmidt: You called me your friend.
Cece: Did I?

Winston: And now, look, no matter what we see in here, I just want you to know that it's been an honor working with you.
Coach: You, too, man Oh... Wow, look at that.
Winston: Oh, my God. Oh, man.
Coach: Our, uh cakes merged.
Winston: Looks as if they have. [they embrace]

Nick: Team check-in. Where we at?
Winston: Our cake became double cake.
Coach: Yeah. Two cakes.
Winston: Yeah.
Nick: Two cakes became one?
Coach: Two cakes, yeah.
Winston: Yeah, yeah.
Nick: Fantastic, I'll go get Jess.