‘The Last Thanksgiving’
Season 11, Episode 7 - Aired November 20, 2019
Cameron and Mitchell’s friends mistakenly assume they have split up and have definitely chosen a side, and Haley attempts to cook Thanksgiving dinner as a thank you for Claire and Phil’s support with the twins. Meanwhile, Jay invites Phil and Dylan out to fly his model plane, and Phil thinks this is his chance to reclaim his dignity after their first outing 10 years ago went so wrong.
Quote from Mitchell
Ronaldo: Oh, my God. Will I see you guys at the party?
Mitchell: Oh, unfortunately no. Uh, this day has turned into something of a nightmare.
Ronaldo: Oh. Where's Cam?
Mitchell: We just split up. We just needed so many different things, it was easier to separate. So, anyway, happy Thanksgiving. Tell everyone I said hi.
Quote from Manny
Haley: The turkey is still frozen in the middle!
Manny: Hot on the outside, cold on the inside... reminds me of a certain someone. Please don't ask.
Haley: Sure. Ugh, this pie filling is so sour.
Manny: [sighs] Yeah, it's devastating when you expect something to be sweet but ends up being intense psychosexual torture. I don't want to talk about it.
Quote from Luke
Haley: I can't have the one nice thing I've done for Mom and Dad be a disaster! Alex, um, call you please call that chef that you're dating?
Alex: That pompous weirdo? I purposely broke up with him before the holidays. If I call him now, I will be stuck with him until New Year's.
Luke: There's a school of thought it can even stretch out to Valentine's Day. Once you pass Thanksgiving, it's the Wild West.
Quote from Manny
Manny: Okay! Her name is Jessica. We met during a Santa Ana wind, and we all know what Raymond Chandler said...
Haley: So no need to repeat it.
Quote from Alex
Haley: Alex, please. How weird can your chef be?
[aside to camera:]
Alex: I don't know if it's 'cause he's a chef and they can be controlling, and I know there's lots of different "love languages," but... he puppets me.
Quote from Claire
Claire: Gloria, you do laundry? Or are you hiding a pregnancy?
Gloria: No. The housekeeper quit.
Gloria: [sighs] I really love working for Phil full-time for very little money, but I didn't realize how hard it was going to be balancing everything.
Claire: I know. That's why I love not working. Finally, enough time to get everything done.
Gloria: You don't miss facing new challenges, the fire of competition, that sense of accomplishment?
Claire: No. No. I mean... [Claire starts folding laundry] Of course, I worried I was the type of person who needed to be busy all the time, but it's like a drug... After a couple of weeks of withdrawal, I am finally comfortable doing nothing. [Gloria slides the laundry basket over to Claire]
Claire: [exhales deeply]
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Well, it's nice to see how supportive our friends are being.
Mitchell: Yeah. It's nice how quickly they reached out to... to you. I got nothing. It's like it's mocking me.
Cameron: I-I'm sure the texts were meant for both of us.
Mitchell: That's not how it works, okay? They're not thanking us for brunch. We're getting a divorce! Why is no one calling me?!
Cameron: Well, maybe because they think you're the... the stronger, less emotional one.
Mitchell: That's crazy. Just because I'm strong doesn't mean I don't need my friends at a time like this!
Cameron: A time like what? Y-You realizing this isn't actually happening, right?
Mitchell: Oh, come on. If the shoe was on the other foot, you would be freaking out.
Cameron: Yes... which is why I'm getting all the texts.
Mitchell: Okay, well, here.
Cameron: Ohh, from Steven and Stefan in Capri. Oh. Text back, uh, "Do not fly home. I'm doing okay."
Mitchell: I thought this wasn't really happening!
Quote from Phil
Jay: Barrel roll into an S-turn... and a little thing I call Pritchett-Switch-It.
Dylan: That just looks like a right-hand turn.
Phil: It would to an amateur. You're an artist, Jay. The sky's your canvas. Oh, should we do the hoop?
Jay: Great idea. [to Dylan] Hey, champ, take this out to the middle of the field and hold it up.
Phil: Guess it's "champ's" turn. Are... Are we sure champ doesn't need to see how it's done properly first? I mean, it's not just standing there.
Jay: Dylan, just stand there!
Dylan: Yes! What a wonderful shared experience!
Jay: Now, stay out there. We'll do it again. Kid's a natural. He didn't even flinch.
Phil: Bravery or a sluggish brain... guess we'll never know.
Quote from Gloria
Claire: Okay, I think it's good for now.
Gloria: Oh, yeah, yeah. You need to enjoy your "me" time.
Gloria: Yesterday, I had three open houses. I was running around all day, solving problems, creating value... Ay, it was exhausting.
Claire: [clicks tongue] Yeah. Don't miss that. [starts beating rug]
Gloria: [gasps] Oh, and one of the houses was filthy!
Gloria: All the windows needed to be washed.
Gloria: Eugh. But I am one to talk.
Quote from Manny
Neil: Follow my instructions, and we can save this meal. Who are you?
Neil: Wrong. In this kitchen, you don't have a name. Stir.
Manny: Well, this is a fun energy. Do you happen to have a cousin partial to Western skirts and terrifying mood swings?