‘The Last Thanksgiving’
Season 11, Episode 7 - Aired November 20, 2019
Cameron and Mitchell’s friends mistakenly assume they have split up and have definitely chosen a side, and Haley attempts to cook Thanksgiving dinner as a thank you for Claire and Phil’s support with the twins. Meanwhile, Jay invites Phil and Dylan out to fly his model plane, and Phil thinks this is his chance to reclaim his dignity after their first outing 10 years ago went so wrong.
Quote from Jay
Claire: How did you get over it?
Jay: I didn't wait around for someone to put me in charge again. I made my own opportunity.
Claire: Dad, dog beds?
Jay: Better than poles. Oh, yeah. I hear things.
Quote from Phil
[aside to camera:]
Phil: It is possible that I have more in common with dads like Jay than I would like to admit.
[flashback:]
Dylan: Sorry I ate the last waffle, Mr. D. I've been so hungry lately. Mm. I wonder if that means we're pregnant again. [both laugh]
[Phil drops a hot tea bag on Dylan's wrist]
Dylan: [gasps]
Phil: Oh, shoot! Shoot! Shoot, shoot, shoot.
Quote from Alex
Neil: Congratulations, Alex. A warren of starving rabbits wouldn't eat these carrots. I'm starting to wonder if our relationship should just be sexual.
Alex: Okay, Neil, honestly...
Haley: Hey, hey, hey, you lovebirds! Time for that later. We got a meal to finish.
Neil: Can somebody call FEMA? This meringue is a disaster.
Alex: I just did what you told me.
Neil: Oh, really? I told you to underbeat the egg whites?
Alex: I really think...
Neil: I think. You do.
Quote from Luke
Luke: Oh, Neil. Are you done with Alex? 'Cause I'm having trouble slivering these almonds.
Neil: Be one with me. [puppets Luke]
Quote from Jay
Phil: Hey, Jay, um... I think I overreacted earlier. I want to apologize.
Jay: Forget it. If I'm being honest, maybe on some level... I really did want to hit you with that plane. I'm sorry, Phil.
Phil: Thank you. Maybe I, uh, understand better why a father might want to protect a daughter.
Jay: Or a son. I banged Cam up pretty good before I gave him the nod. He never figured it out.
Quote from Claire
Claire: No one is going anywhere. Listen, you know what? We can salvage this Thanksgiving. Phil, you get the salad started. Luke, anything you don't need dental records to identify, save. Alex, that guy was an idiot. Pick better boyfriends.
Haley: I'm sorry, Mom. I so wanted to do this for you.
Claire: Oh, honey, no. You gave me the best gift ever. I'm bossing people around again!
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Look, I guess I just... I didn't think I would be able to survive if you ever left me. And I still don't.
Mitchell: Thank you. And the party wasn't that fun. Something was missing.
Cameron: Oh, I love when you say things without really saying them. [chuckles] You meant me, right?
Quote from Mitchell
Cameron: Um... um, "Man Without A Face."
Haley: "The Mummy."
Jay: "Coma"!
Phil: "I, Robot"?
Alex: "Frozen"?
Mitchell: [timer dings] "The Crying Game"!
All: Oh.
Mitchell: What is wrong with you people?