Jay: Listen, i-is it possible that you're angry at Dylan for something more than today?
Phil: Well, he did take the last waffle this morning.
Jay: I think it's more about... he took your firstborn. Now, I've been there. It's only natural, you know. Us dads, we're very protective of our daughters, but, uh... In fact, you may get a very strong impulse to fly that plane right into the guy, but don't do it.
Phil: What? I-I would... I would never hurt Dylan. Why would you even think I'd have that impulse?
Jay: I don't know. I thought... you know, the way you were looking at him...
Phil: Wait. Is that what you were thinking 10 years ago? A-All this time, I thought it was my fault! I-I moved my head at the last second. But you hit me on purpose!
Jay: Don't be ridiculous! I just...
Phil: You just what, Jay? Thought it'd be fun to fly a plane into my face? What kind of monster does that to another human be... [Phil flies the plane into his own face]
Jay: Aw, no. [sighs] Look at this. [Jay picks up his plane]

Mitchell: I mean, even though it's... it's not true about the divorce, it could be... you know, someday. And that just... that just makes me so, so... [breathes shakily]
Ptolemy: Confused?
Longinus: Angry?
Jotham: Furious.
Ronaldo: "The Fast and the Furious"!
Mitchell: Okay, this isn't charades.

Mitchell: I'm sad.
Longinus: That's your sad?
Mitchell: Yes.
Longinus: That's your sad?
Mitchell: Yeah. And I-I really need your support right now. [feigns holding back tears]
Ronaldo: Wait, something new is happening.
Mitchell: Oh, my God! How can you not see how emotionally raw I am right now? Huh? Nothing lasts forever. What happens when it's over?
Jotham: Poor Cam. He is so fragile.
Ptolemy: He's gonna need us.
Ronaldo: We'll be there for him.
Mitchell: Who will be there to dry these tears?
Longinus: What tears? Where they at?

Mitchell: Oh, hey. Seen Cam?
Joe: And a Happy Thanksgiving to you.
Mitchell: Oh, that's a lot of attitude. You sound like my dad.
Joe: Our dad!
Mitchell: Uch.

Jay: Looks like a good place to hide from the drama.
Claire: Dad, I am so mad at your wife right now.
Jay: I need a guest house.
Claire: No, no, no. She... She has completely taken advantage of my restlessness and basically turned me into her housekeeper.
Jay: How? By doing something the wrong way, knowing you'll jump in and do it the right way? [holds wine glass] What's wrong with me? Why can't I get these clean?
Claire: Not gonna happen. am partly to blame. I'm not good at doing nothing. How did they get fingerprints on the inside of the glass? It's crazy.

Jay: You know, I had a similar experience when I turned the company over to you. It wasn't the activity that I missed. I missed being the boss.
Claire: Oh! Yeah. I hear you there.
Jay: Giving orders, people scared of you.
Claire: Yeah.
Jay: I like day drinking, but nothing beats being drunk with power.

Cameron: Alright. Dylan is on twin duty, so I'm gonna make sure you don't fall asleep.
Phil: I've been asleep for the last 10 years. Imagine finding out the plane crash you were in was no accident.
Cameron: Well, you're not alone. Jay did something very similar to me when Mitchell and I first got together. He "accidentally" bumped me with his car... a real car, not a... not a toy. [sprays Phil with water to keep him awake] I was pretty bruised up. I just... I just assumed it was because he didn't want his son with a boyfriend, but he thought Mitchell could do better. It was a-a bit of a shock. [sprays Phil again] Uhp... But then, once I became a father, I realized how protective you can be over your kid. There was a little boy on Lily's soccer team always teasing her, so at the end-of-the-season party, I may have nudged him face-first into a freshly fried funnel cake. [chuckles]

Neil: [to Alex] Disgusting! If this was the first Thanksgiving, your gravy would be the worst thing this country has done to Native Americans!
Jay: Hey, buddy.
Neil: Yeah? [Phil flies the plane into Neil's face] Ohh.
Phil: Oops.
Jay: What a senseless accident.
Neil: What the hell?!
Phil: It's not the end of the world. Chefs don't need to smell things.
Neil: You people are crazy. I'm getting out of here.
Phil: What a splendid idea.
Neil: [opens and slams the oven] Enjoy the soufflé.

Manny: [to the twins] Oh, you guys are so cute!
Luke: Well, George is. Poppy's gonna need a personality.
[Dylan hits Luke in the stomach with the back end of his pool cue]
Dylan: Sorry, dude. Total accident.
Phil: [to Jay] Oh. He's gonna be a good dad.

Claire: Oh, Joe! You're doing place cards? Doesn't Manny usually take care of seating?
Joe: He's "going through something."
Claire: Ah.
Joe: I'm sure we'll hear a spoken word about it soon enough.
Claire: You really are turning into a 4-foot version of my dad.
Joe: Our dad.
Claire: That will never not be weird.