Jill: These last few months you've been really quiet and withdrawn.
Mark: Maybe that's just how I am. You know, I'm not like Brad and Randy.
Jill: Nobody's asking you to be like Brad and Randy. You're different. That's OK.
Mark: It doesn't seem OK.
Tim: What do you mean?
Mark: I mean, you don't like my clothes. You don't like my friends.
Jill: OK. OK. Look, it is hard to come downstairs one morning and find your son suddenly dressing, all the time, in nothing but black clothes.
Tim: Yeah. And with black nail polish.
Jill: But, you know, given some time, we're adjusting to that.
Mark: What about Ronny?
Tim: It might take a little longer to adjust to that.

Jill: Look, honey, just because I may not like one of your friends, or your movie is so good that it freaks me out, doesn't mean that I don't love you as much as I love your brothers. And we want to support you in whatever it is that interests you.
Mark: You're not just saying that?
Tim: No.
Jill: Of course not.
Tim: We're your parents. We're here to help.
Mark: You really want to help?
Tim: Yeah.
Mark: Let me chop off your heads.

Tim: Brad and Samantha want to get married.
Jill: Married? That's insane!
Mark: It's sad, really. Can I have his room?

Jill: Do you guys think you have any idea where Willow is?
Brad: Maybe she's at a friend's house.
Randy: Could be working.
Mark: Maybe she fell in a big hole and can't get out. [off their looks] What? It could happen.

Mark: Have a good trip, Randy.
Randy: Thanks, Mark.
Mark: And, uh, here's the video I made of you and Lauren making out in the gazebo.
Randy: You're a very odd boy. But I'm gonna miss you.
Mark: I'll miss you, too.

Tim: Just in time. Mark's doing a video on the family. [to camera] Scott and I just finished re-jetting the carburetor on the Nomad. Well, actually, Scott did it. I watched. Anyway, we're all finished.
Mark: Week three. Dad claims he's finished with the Nomad. The delusion continues.
Tim: Oh, ye of little faith. Okay, let me put it this way. The Nomad is done, finished. Finito!
Scott: Unless we slap a blower on her.
Tim: [grunts] This thing would run like a scalded cat! Yeah.
Scott: Yeah?
Mark: If you would like to learn more about obsessive-compulsive behavior, please consult your local library.

Mark: Week four. The everyday existence of a typical suburban family.
Jill: This is good. This is good.
Mark: You can get me studying. A middle-aged mom goes back to school to recapture her youth. Pathetic? You be the judge.
Jill: You want pathetic? Why don't you take some shots of a 14-year-old who never gets an allowance?
Mark: And cut.

Brad: I don't get it. You only used one line of dialog I gave you. What happened to all my great interviews?
Mark: I burned them. 'Cause I care.
Tim: Mark, I think that thing was great. It really was a good job. How about this? You come behind the scenes of Tool Time and do a brilliant documentary on dear old Dad.
Mark: Dad, I'm an artist, not a magician.

Mark: Guess what? Erica's coming over to cry on my shoulder.
Jill: What's the matter with Erica?
Mark: Oh, her boyfriend broke up with her. And I'm helping her through her anguish.
Jill: What do you know about anguish?
Mark: I live with you and Dad.

Erica: And then he said, "Well, why didn't you tell me that before?" And I said, "Well, I thought that it was obvious." And he said, "Well, it wasn't obvious to me." Isn't it obvious to you?
Mark: Huh?
Erica: I asked if it was obvious to you.
Mark: It doesn't matter what I think. Just keep sharing your feelings and I'll keep listening.
Erica: Well, I'd really like to know what you think.
Mark: Well, I hurt when you hurt.
Erica: What are you talking about? I'm not hurting.
Mark: Well, then I'm not either.
Erica: Mark, I want you to tell me one thing that I just talked about.
Mark: You used the word "obvious."
Erica: That's what I thought. You know, you're even worse than my boyfriend. At least he's honest about not listening to me. [walks away]
Mark: I sympathize with your needs!