Luke: Go away, Michel.
Michel: Keep your voice down. The guests can hear.
Luke: There isn't anyone down here.
Michel: But they are upstairs, and your voice carries!
Luke: Hey, you're the one doing the yelling.
Michel: I'm yelling because you are flouting the rules of this establishment. Parking where you want, talking when you want, wearing what you want. And 20 minutes ago, I saw you eating a sandwich.
Luke: So what?
Michel: We don't let the help eat in front of the guests! The next time you eat, you do so in the kitchen or the barn.

Lorelai: Got a little snack there, Michel?
Michel: These are not a snack. They are my 12 daily walnuts.
Lorelai: I hate to see you binging like this.
Michel: And now I've lost count.

Lorelai: These are candied.
Michel: Well, the real ones taste like cardboard, and the health benefits are the same, except for the skin.

Michel: I was thinking maybe you could have Luke wear a jumpsuit when he's working around the inn, you know, the kind gas-station attendants wear.
Lorelai: Yeah, why don't we put a pin in that?

Michel: Now, I'm going to be wearing my blue pinstripes, so if you wear something in an ice blue or- Oh, yes, silver, that would look amazing. No one would take their eyes off of us.
Lorelai: And how delighted the bride will be.
Michel: Now let's discuss dancing. As you know, I'm a fabulous dancer - Deney Terrio level - and I intend to dance a lot. It's what I do at parties to compensate for the elevated calorie intake. I just shake it all off.
Lorelai: Well, I promise to duck.

Michel: [on the phone] My friend Tessa just called and told me she has front-row tickets to Celine Dion, and I'm going with her.
Lorelai: Well, that's great.
Michel: I have been waiting forever to get this close to Celine. Oh, my god, I'm shaking like a leaf. What should I wear? What would Celine like me in?
Lorelai: I don't know, Michel, but I'm on my way to pick you up, so-
Michel: Oh, no. Don't bother. I'm not going to the wedding.
Lorelai: What? Why not?
Michel: Because I'm going to Celine Dion. Hello! What have I been saying to you?
Lorelai: No, Michel, you have to go to the wedding.
Michel: Sorry, I cannot.
Lorelai: Well, you've already seen Celine Dion.
Michel: Only five times, and never in the front row. I was in the balcony with the riffraff and the people who sneak in pot.

Sookie: There's a staff meeting tonight? [to Michel] Did you know about a staff meeting?
Michel: No, I didn't.
Sookie: I don't have a sitter tonight.
Michel: I set up a three-hour session with my trainer tonight. I'll have to pay full price if I cancel this late. It's like 2 zillion dollar.

Rory: Michel, what sports do you play?
Michel: Well, since I'm maimed potentially for life, I may never play sports again.
Lorelai: But think back to before this tragic, life-altering injury, when life was still worth living. What sports did you play then?
Michel: Well, pilates, of course.
Lorelai: What?
Rory: It's like yoga with cables and wires.
Lorelai: Sounds very dangerous.

Michel: It's like you don't even care.
Lorelai: I care about you, just not this.
Michel: After all the trouble I went through picking out the perfect flower for you.
Lorelai: It's kind of big, don't you think? It's like wearing a tree on my arm.
Michel: It is an orchid.
Lorelai: It's scratchy.
Michel: Could have got me something, a simple boutonniere. But no. I'm so humiliated.

Michel: Carcasses.
Lorelai: What?
Michel: Those strange, angry-looking guests. I'm sure they are traveling with decaying animal flesh.
Lorelai: Yeah, 'cause that's the most logical explanation.