Michel: I just received a call that the wedding party will not be getting in until midnight, and someone will need to be here to greet them. I would do it, but I don't want to.
Lorelai: All right, I'll do it.
Michel: Very well. I'll leave the-- Wait. Do you feel that?
Lorelai: Feel what?
Michel: An icy chill as if something sinister is approaching.
Sookie: What?
Michel: [hums "Witch's Theme" from The Wizard of Oz]
Lorelai: Gee, Michel, is Paris here?
Michel: Maybe she was coming up the walk when I fled.
Lorelai: Where are you going?
Michel: In the opposite direction.

Michel: I believe Jackson's Aunt Pat is borrowing DVDs from our collection and secretly burning copies for her own DVD library.
Lorelai: What makes you think she's not watching the DVDs?
Michel: The Bellevilles are freeloaders, the whole lot of them. They are as cheap as tan panty hose with white sandals. Plus, I believe they have emptied all the booze from the minibars upstairs into their own flask and then refilled the bottles with water.
Lorelai: Can I interest you in a sick day?
Michel: [scoffs] But I would not give them the satisfaction. [to Sookie] Oh, how proud a family reunion must be for you.
Sookie: He's snarky.
Lorelai: And sarcastic. He's snarcastic.

Michel: Can we walk a little faster, please?
Lorelai: Michel's still pouting?
Michel: I'm not pouting.
Lorelai: So your botox has worn off?
Michel: It has not. And I'm not pouting.
Lorelai: Then get with the spirit. This is a workout. You're being paid for this.
Michel: So it takes the three of us to stare at a stupid piece of cardboard? Maybe later we can all gang up on that light bulb.

Lorelai: More books.
Michel: Ugh, what is wrong with people? Don't they know the written word is dead?
Lorelai: Uh, books are back, Oprah says.

Michel: Oh, and I got a call from someone who wanted a job reference for Rory.
Lorelai: What?
Michel: Don't worry. I said nice things. I did not mention how she used to steal stamps and sit in my chair. I said she was very responsible and a hard worker, and now you owe me the weekend off.

Lorelai: Who was calling? Who was inquiring? Who was asking?
Michel: Someone who needed to hire someone.
Lorelai: Well, what kind of job was it?
Michel: I don't know.
Lorelai: What was the name of the company?
Michel: He told me but I do not remember.
Lorelai: Michel.
Michel: What? I'm not an answering machine. I do not have "Sony" stamped on my forehead.

Michel: So I guess this is how we're operating now.
Lorelai: How's that?
Michel: We've dispensed with hiring professionals around here. Maybe from now on, my cousin Gert can do our accounting. She's got her own calculator.
Lorelai: He's not performing open-heart surgery, Michel. He's just fixing a few things, for free, saving me a little money so I can do crazy things like pay people's salary and heat the place.
Michel: Well, he's not doing a very good job. That key rack is protruding way too far out. It's going to wreak havoc on my French cuffs every time I reach for a key.

Michel: I noticed your truck.
Luke: Yeah.
Michel: Your filthy green truck. It's parked in guest parking.
Luke: So?
Michel: So guest parking is for guests. Filthy-green-truck parking is around the back, on the dirt road, behind the shed.

Michel: Now, about your hat.
Luke: My hat?
Michel: I'd like you to remove it.
Luke: What for?
Michel: You're indoors. Gentlemen don't wear hats indoors.
Luke: It's okay. I'm not much of a gentleman.
Michel: Not if you persist in dressing like a Peanuts character.
Luke: I'm not taking off my hat.

Michel: Did you talk to a guest this morning?
Luke: Huh?
Michel: I thought I saw you talking to a guest.
Luke: I may have given someone directions.
Michel: Well, don't do it again. You're not qualified.
Luke: I'm not qualified to tell somebody how to get to the post office?
Michel: No. You are a diner owner and an amateur substitute handyman, and that in no way qualifies you to give directions to our guests.
Luke: Why not?
Michel: Because that is my job, and you lack my people skill.