Lorelai: We didn't schedule any bird-watching, did we?
Michel: There was a void. On the schedule there was nothing scheduled on Saturday evening. It looks ridiculous so I wrote in bird-watching.
Lorelai: Oh, that's clever. Except for the fact we didn't schedule any bird-watching.
Michel: So?
Lorelai: So what if people want to do some bird-watch?
Michel: Oh, please. No one will want to go bird-watching.
Lorelai: How do you know?
Michel: Who wants to watch birds? Why on earth would you watch a bird?

Lorelai: Oh, you know what should be on here is hay-bale maze.
Sookie: I can't believe we're actually having a hay-bale maze.
Michel: Oh, what is wrong with people? Walking in hay? Don't they have lives? Don't they have televisions and elliptical machines?

Michel: Oh! Whatever.
Sookie: Michel, people stopped saying "whatever" like two years ago.
Michel: Whatever. I'm Audi 5000.

Rory: [on the phone] Hey, Michel. How's it going?
Michel: Middling to poor. Where are you? I hear noise.
Rory: I'm on a train on my way back from Providence.
Michel: Oh.
Rory: What?
Michel: I do not care for trains.
Rory: Oh, no? I'm sorry.
Michel: Trains are dirty.
Rory: Well, this train doesn't look very dirty.
Michel: You know what I find particularly disgusting?
Rory: What?
Michel: Train tracks. They remind me somehow of trails left behind by slugs. You know there are a lot of slugs in the spring, you know? Oozing all over the place. Uh, I think your mother is done now.

Sookie: What are you thinking?
Lorelai: How about a Mini?
Michel: Oh, how about a Rolls-Royce?
Lorelai: Yeah, I'll consider that.
Michel: Or a Bentley, Aston Martin, Mercedes, a BMW.
Lorelai: What are you doing, just listing expensive cars?
Michel: Take out a second mortgage on your home, it will be worth it.
Sookie: Michel, be quiet.
Michel: People are impressed by fine automobiles. It's how the world works. Don't look at me like that. I didn't make the rules. I just play by them.
Lorelai: Yeah, but you drive a Golf.
Michel: Would you like to give me a raise?

Lorelai: Maybe I'll get a really cool vintage car.
Michel: A used car? You cannot be serious.
Lorelai: What's wrong with a used car?
Michel: Would you buy a used toilet seat?
Lorelai: It's not really the same thing.
Michel: You're sitting in someone else's filth.
Lorelai: With pants on.
Michel: One can only hope.
Lorelai: Ew, Michel.
Michel: You don't know who drove it before.
Lorelai: No, but I think I could have it cleaned.
Michel: Aw, you're right and I'm sure they got out all the sweat, body odor, and head lice that a previous owner deposited.

Lorelai: Michel, how long has Christiane Amanpour been here?
Michel: Uh, she checked in late last night, room 7.
Lorelai: She's staying here? [Rory gasps] You didn't tell me?
Michel: I wanted to avoid yet another embarrassing incident.
Lorelai: What are you talking about?
Michel: You always embarrass yourself when celebrities stay at the inn.
Lorelai: I do not.
Michel: Jane Pauley, Harry Belafonte, Marisa Tomei.
Rory: He's right, you know?
Lorelai: No, no, Marisa Tomei's mother's best friend is my hairdresser's cousin's roommate. That's just freaky.
Michel: I'm just saying you make them uncomfortable.

Michel: [on the phone] Independence Inn, Michel speaking. No, I'm sorry. We're completely booked. We have a wedding party here. No, there is really nothing I can do. Yes, I'm sure. Positive. No, I don't have to look, ma'am. Yes, of course I'll look. [places phone down, continues sorting mail, picks phone back up] No, I'm sorry. We're completely booked.