Paris: When I first started writing, I believed passionately that tenure was a reward for excellent service and a way for a school to attract the very best teachers from all over the country.
Rory: Let's go with that.
Paris: But once I finished writing, I started thinking about the other side of the argument - money and employment for the rest of your life, no matter what? Where is the incentive to keep the standards high? I mean, remember Professor Leavers? He got tenured and lost all interest. Just sat there, dowdy and sleepy. It was like being taught by Jimmy Kimmel.
Rory: Anti-tenure, stamp it, ship it.
Paris: I was thinking, maybe you could print both pieces.
Rory: What?
Paris: Side-by-side, like a point/counterpoint.
Rory: You want me to print a point/counterpoint where both points are written by the same person?
Paris: Bold, huh?
Rory: You have five minutes to pick a side.

Michel: What time are you picking me up tomorrow?
Lorelai: Noon.
Michel: Oh, noon is fine. That will give me plenty of time to get ready. You know, I hope you don't stay out too late tonight. You'll be tired for tomorrow.
Lorelai: I will not be tired.
Michel: I wouldn't drink too much, either. You'll be puffy.
Lorelai: Okay, I'll keep it to half a box of wine, max.
Michel: I'm just saying, tomorrow is a very special day. You need to be perfect.
Lorelai: Okay, I'm not getting married, Michel.
Michel: [chuckles] I know that, but you are going to be with me, and I'm going to look fantastic, and you know that who you are with is always a reflection of yourself, and I don't want my reflection to look like Judy Garland, the Mark Herron years.

Mrs. Kim: Marriage is a job, Lane. There are rewards that come with this job, but there are also sacrifices. There are things you're going to have to do.
Lane: Things?
Mrs. Kim: Terrible things.
Lane: Mama, you don't have to-
Mrs. Kim: You need to hear this. You need to know what to expect. It will start early.
Lane: What will?
Mrs. Kim: The man's expectations. It starts early. At the wedding, actually. At the wedding, you're going to have to kiss him.
Lane: Mama.
Mrs. Kim: You will then be expected to share a bed tonight, and when you're in that bed, you're expected to-
Lane: Mama, please.
Mrs. Kim: You're going to have to do it with this boy, Lane. You're just going to have to do it. Hopefully, if you're lucky like me, you'll only have to do it once. [Lane groans]

Lorelai: You know, I remember the day I met Lane. It was Rory's first day of kindergarten, and she insisted on wearing my Chico and the Man t-shirt, which I thought would either elicit confused shrugs or label her as a weird '70s-sitcom kid. And we walked in the classroom, and Lane came running up to her and offered to share her crayons with her. And I was so grateful, 'cause I thought even if Lane turned out to be a psycho, bad-seed, serial-killer kid, at least Rory had a friend. Who knew it would turn out to be a lifelong friendship?

Rory: Oh, my God. She doesn't know.
Lane: No.
Rory: Your mother's mother does not know she's a seventh-day Adventist.
Lane: And it would be a very big deal if she found out.
Rory: That is so weird.
Lane: Tell me about it. I just discovered today that I am simply the latest link in a chain of Kim women who hide their real lives under floorboards away from their mothers.

Mrs. Kim: What do you mean Luke's out of town?!
Lorelai: Uh, well, I mean, Luke's left town. He's gone far away from town. Town's there, and Luke's over here.
Mrs. Kim: He's not coming to the wedding with you?
Lorelai: No.
Mrs. Kim: You mean you're coming alone, unescorted?
Lorelai: Well, Rory will be there.
Mrs. Kim: No, she won't like it. You can't come alone. An unmarried woman of a certain age, unescorted, wearing the clothes you tend to wear, people will think things, bad things.
Lorelai: Like what?
Mrs. Kim: Like you're a tramp and possibly for sale.
Lorelai: Wow, suddenly Footloose not seeming so silly.
Mrs. Kim: What are we gonna do?
Lorelai: Well, I guess first of all, we should agree on a price.

Michel: Now, I'm going to be wearing my blue pinstripes, so if you wear something in an ice blue or- Oh, yes, silver, that would look amazing. No one would take their eyes off of us.
Lorelai: And how delighted the bride will be.
Michel: Now let's discuss dancing. As you know, I'm a fabulous dancer - Deney Terrio level - and I intend to dance a lot. It's what I do at parties to compensate for the elevated calorie intake. I just shake it all off.
Lorelai: Well, I promise to duck.

Sookie: Something went very, very wrong.
Lorelai: Wrong with what?
Sookie: Remember the dirty cookies I was baking for the bachelorette gift baskets? Well, they expanded in the oven.
Lorelai: Expanded? What do you mean? [Sookie lifts up the baking cover] Oh, dear!
Sookie: I know.
Lorelai: Hello, Tommy Lee.

Lorelai: Now we are about to commence the first leg of our evening. Our dear friend Lane is about to get married, and it is our job to make sure we give her one night and one headache she will never forget.
Lane: Hear, hear!
Lorelai: And our first stop is the black, white, and read bookstore, where we will sneak in our booze, our treats, and proceed to get drunk and watch tonight's feature, American Gigolo.
Sookie: Featuring a little full-frontal from Mr. Gere himself.

Lorelai: I think it's nice you have a real daddy/daughter thing going on here.
Rory: Oh, yeah, he's shopping for celery at the supermarket. They're running a special.
Lorelai: He's just excited.
Rory: Yeah, well, now he's in the canned-peas aisle. Apparently he doesn't like peas, but he does like pea soup. Interesting, no? No!
Lorelai: All right, give me that. Um, okay. "Your daughter is about to see Richard Gere's penis. Enjoy your celery." That should shut him up for a while.