Lorelai: Where is all this stupid stuff coming from?
Michel: Looks like classic Home Shopping Channel merchandise to me.
Lorelai: I have not bought anything off the Home Shopping Channel.
Michel: That you remember.
Lorelai: How could I not remember?
Michel: You could be deluding yourself, suppressing a shameful, costly, and yes, extremely tacky shopping addiction from your memory.
Lorelai: I do not have a Home Shopping Channel addiction. This does look familiar, like I've seen it before.
Michel: Mmm-hmm. And was Joan Rivers or Suzanne Somers holding it up?
Lorelai: I'm not buying these things.
Michel: You keep telling yourself that.

Kirk: Well, you can choose any of three historically anchored street names that pre-dated Sores and Boils Alley. It's a generous proposal.
Lorelai: Let's hear them.
Kirk: The first one is Constabulary Road.
Lorelai: Constabulary Road.
Kirk: It's a very nice name. Classic. Very evocative of old-time Stars Hollow.
Lorelai: Yes, it's very nice, but Kirk, that's the exact name of Esther Wilkins' Street. I mean, the exact name. It's taken.
Kirk: I know. Apparently, at one time, there were several streets named Constabulary Road in Stars Hollow.
Lorelai: Yeah, that would be incredibly confusing.
Kirk: Oh, it would be a disaster. It was back then, too. Mail was mis-delivered. Soldiers lost their way. It completely disoriented senior citizens. There was rioting, chaos, death. Everyone hated it.

Luke: Who? Who is this?
Lorelai: Emily Gilmore.
Luke: You're kidding.
Lorelai: For days, she's been emptying sending me everything she doesn't need anymore, trying to smoke me out of my foxhole.
Luke: Well, call her and tell her to knock it off.
Lorelai: Oh, no. That's exactly what she wants. I poke my head out of the foxhole, it gets blown off. Then I have no head, Luke.
Luke: There's a giant urn in my diner.
Lorelai: It started small. A clock, birdcage, some Victorian figurines, an old telescope. That was the ground war. She was softening me up. Now comes the aerial campaign. The carpet bombing. And I bet she'll bomb me with actual carpets.

Lorelai: You took me off the map?!
Kirk: All cartographical decisions are strictly the province of the director of tourism.
Lorelai: You and I talked about the street names only this morning. How could the Dragonfly already be off the map?
Kirk: You know the saying: cross the don in the morning, sleep with the fishes in the afternoon. Plus, Taylor has one of those fast laser printers.

Lorelai: So, I go to the town meeting. It's already started. And I come in the back door with the squeaky track, so everybody knows Lorelai's in the house.
Michel: It's very exciting.
Lorelai: Taylor's up there yammering about septic tanks, and Patty made her raisin cake, and everything's just going along. And suddenly, Taylor says, "It's time to break." And I stand up on the bench, totally Norma Rae, and I write "strike" on my town-meeting flier. And I hold it up, all defiant.
Sookie: Wow.
Lorelai: Of course, the "Norma Rae" reference was only in my head, and everyone was very confused.
Michel: Yes, it happens a lot with you.
Lorelai: So I march to the front, and I look this town in the eye. I said, "We, your Dragonfly Inn, are not on the map. We have been tossed off by Taylor 'jungle-gym monitor' Doose. It is not right. And he must be stopped. " And since no one heard my conversation with Luke, I lost them again for a minute, but I got them back real quickly.
Michel: You really need to work on that.
Sookie: Let her talk!

Lorelai: Sorry I'm late. I found Paul Anka hiding underneath the kitchen sink, chewing on one of my favorite pairs of shoes.
Sookie: Boy, that guy's career has really hit the skids. [chuckles] Okay, that is officially my last "Paul Anka, the person, is living in your house" joke.

Kirk: I'm Phineas, and this is my brother Zebediah. We have come a long way through space and time. We hail from Stars Hollow. I, a silversmith, and he, a simple cobbler.
Andrew: With good rates.
Kirk: I will cobble a... cobbled thing for a ha'penny.
Sookie: Does Kirk know what a cobbler is?
Lorelai: I'm guessing "no."

Taylor Doose: The more charm a town has, the greater its tourism revenue.
Miss Patty: We've got charm.
Babette: Yeah, you wouldn't believe the bikini waxes Lisa's doing at the beauty parlor. Any shape you can imagine. So clever... and charming.

Lane: So, what's going on in the world?
Lorelai: Nothing.
Lane: Nothing?
Lorelai: Good. Nothing good. There's absolutely nothing positive going on anywhere in the world. How could that be?
Lane: That's why I don't read the paper anymore.
Lorelai: You will mine. I am starting my own. The Good News Daily: nothing but good news every day.
Lane: Sounds good.
Lorelai: "No civil war in Canada", big article. "Cars drive down road without incident", front-page news. "Puppies - how cute are they?", in-depth expos. And the subscription is free. How happy is that?

Luke: It's taken me a ridiculous amount of years, but when it comes to Taylor, I've adopted a zen attitude.
Lorelai: Zen?
Luke: Go with the flow. Let the river Taylor take you where it may. Don't fight it. Just let it happen.
Lorelai: What if he wants to paint the diner pink for Easter like he did last year?
Luke: Then let the building be pink.
Lorelai: What if he decides we should dress up as our favorite tree again for Arbor Day?
Luke: Wrap me in bark, fill me with sap and tell me where to stand.
Lorelai: Well, what if he wants to photoshop a picture of you with your arm around him and slap it on a billboard that overlooks the whole town?
Luke: The river zen-
Lorelai: You're sitting on his lap.
Luke: ...will keep on flowing.
Lorelai: Holding a rattle.
Luke: Let me keep my zen.