Paris: The truth is, this is the first time in my life that I've consistently spent the night with a man.
Lorelai: Uh-huh.
Paris: I don't know the rules. I mean, obviously, the clothes have to come off for the actual sex part of the evening, but, afterward, what are you supposed to do? I mean, nightgowns are obviously out, but wearing nothing seems extreme and, in case of fire, completely impractical.
Lorelai: Oh, sure.
Paris: I wore a camisole one night and it almost strangled me. And I'm definitely not a teddy girl, so what does that leave?
Lorelai: Um... t-shirts.
Paris: But what does a t-shirt say about me?
Lorelai: Well...
Paris: More importantly. What does it say to Doyle about me?
Lorelai: Sweetie, it's just a t-shirt. They don't tend to be that chatty.
Paris: I don't know. Maybe I should reconsider the "completely naked" option. After all, I'm 21. If not now, when? I mean, right now, my ass is probably as good as it's ever going to get. I should exploit that, right?
Lorelai: Absolutely. Buy a video camera, go to town.
Paris: You know what, I'm starting to fade here.

Lorelai: What is that? And where can I get one?
Sookie: That is my dark chocolate s'mores wedding cake.
Lorelai: You've been reading my diary.
Sookie: I got the idea in a dream. I was back in cooking school and late for my final, and I run over to an oven, and I open it, and sitting there is the s'mores wedding cake. And I present it to my teacher, he starts weeping, and the whole class is applauding and cheering.
Lorelai: That's so nice.
Sookie: Yeah. And then of course Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise come leaping out of the cake, screaming about how amazing it is. So that made the thing a little creepy, but up until then...

Lorelai: Breakfast. Get it while it's room-temperature and nutrient-free.

Lorelai: Inspect the bagels closely, because the expiration date was in braille, apparently, and either they're new or from my baby shower. I'm also sorry to report that we are currently out of the brown sugar cinnamon Pop-Tarts.
All: Oh!
Lorelai: Don't "ohh!" me. You guys have been playing favorites all week. And now it's time to pay the piper, so someone be a man. Suck it up and start eating the Shredded Wheat. [men groan] Cowards.

Rory: They're good.
Emily: They're stale. And the blueberries aren't even blue. They're red. My god, these blueberries are red.
Rory: They're raspberries.
Emily: Well, the box said they were blueberry. It was printed on the side.
Rory: Actually, I was in the kitchen, and the box said-

Michel: Is she gone?
Lorelai: Yes, she's gone.
Michel: Thank God.
Lorelai: I can't believe you're in here hiding from a little girl.
Michel: Oh, yes, you can.
Lorelai: She has a tough exterior, but in the inside, Paris is...
Michel: Tokyo Rose.

Sookie: She's horrible. I mean, she sends everything back twice, and she makes the waiters write down exactly what she wants me to know is wrong with the food.
Michel: At least you're hidden in here. I'm out there behind a desk, exposed to all of her elements.
Lorelai: Michel.
Michel: She mocked my accent. She called me "Canadian."
Sookie: It's enough already. I won't cook for her anymore.
Michel: Lunches.
Sookie: Twice a week for three weeks?
Michel: Yeah, creepy. The next thing you know, you'll be carrying Emmanuel Lewis around on your shoulders.

Michel: She's back! She's coming back!
Sookie: No!
Lorelai: Why?
Michel: I don't know why. Maybe she left her phone or her spell book.

Rory: So, I was at lunch with some of the girls, and I started sniffing around, just casually asking if anyone had funny stories about Constance.
Emily: You sly fox!
Rory: So one of the girls tells me that about three months ago, she was in the office with Constance, and as Constance was heading out for lunch, she stumbled and dropped her purse, and her altoids box popped open, spilling out enough funny-looking pills to fill a pharmacy. Constance claimed they were all vitamins. Julia didn't buy it. Because the minute the pills spilled out, Constance threw herself on top of them to cover them up.
Emily: A cover-up, that's good. That's what took Nixon down. This is so exciting! I love having a mole. We should go buy you a trench coat and fedora.
Rory: I suggested to the girls that next week we invite Constance to lunch get a couple drinks in her and see what comes up.
Emily: Who knew that behind such a sweet face lurked the soul of a spy?
Rory: I prefer the term "woman of mystery and intrigue."

Rory: [on the phone] I can't believe I'm in the blogosphere.
Paris: See for yourself. Just Google "Rory Gilmore sex boat."
Rory: Oh, my god.
Paris: Is it true you and Logan tried to outrace the Connecticut coast guard?