‘The One Where Rachel Has a Baby (Part 1)’
Season 8, Episode 23 - Aired May 16, 2002
The friends join Rachel at the hospital as she goes into labor. As Ross and Rachel are tormented by a seemingly endless stream of couples giving birth before Rachel, Chandler and Monica try to find a private location to start their quest for a baby of their own. Meanwhile, Joey helps Phoebe chat with an attractive patient, and Judy Geller gives Ross an engagement ring.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: What else? What else?
Joey: Well, he's 33.
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Joey: A widower.
Phoebe: Oh.
Joey: He seemed like a standup guy.
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Joey: Oh, and he's not into anything weird sexually.
Phoebe: Enter Pheebs.
Quote from Rachel
Nurse: This room's available.
Rachel: Okay. Wait, you listen to me. You listen to me. Since I have been waiting, four women. That's four - one higher than the number of centimeters that I am dilated - have come and gone with their babies. I'm next. It's my turn. It's only fair. And if you bring in one more woman and she has her baby before me, I'm going to sue you. Not this hospital. I'm gonna sue you. And my husband, he is a lawyer.
Ross: Rach?
Rachel: You get back on that case, honey!
Quote from Janice
Janice: So, congratulations you two. I didn't even know you got married.
Rachel: Oh, we didn't.
Ross: No, no.
Janice: What?
Ross: We're just having this baby together, but that's all. You know?
Janice: Why?
Ross: Uh, well, we're just not in that place, you know? But we're very excited about this.
Janice: Oh. Well, then shut me up. [laughs]
Rachel: Just tell me how.
Quote from Ross
Ross: You said "hi" to mom before she left, right?
Monica: I thought that was her! Yeah, I called her name and she ducked into a stairwell.
Ross: Well, you know what, consider yourself lucky.
Quote from Rachel
Ross: Say, I opened this earlier, but let me give you guys some privacy.
Marc: Nonsense. We're all in this together.
Julie: We are gonna share every moment of this with you and I think we're gonna have some fun.
Marc: Yeah.
Ross: Oh, okay, I guess.
Marc: Hey, smile! [takes a photo]
Ross: Oh, no.
Rachel: I really don't want any- Oh, thank you.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Ugh. Three hours and still no baby. The miracle of birth sure is a snooze-fest.
Quote from Monica
Chandler: You said you were ready too;
Monica: Yeah, but I was just screwing with you to get your voice high and weird like mine is now.
Chandler: Yes, but haven't you wanted a kid, like, forever?
Monica: Okay, just back off, mister. Because I am ready to have a baby. I just want Joey to be the father.
Joey: What? Are you crazy?
Monica: That's it. Right there. That's all I wanted!
Quote from Rachel
Ross: Later.
Rachel: You can't leave me alone with these people.
Ross: I'm sorry.
Rachel: No, Ross, Ross? Ross? My child has no father!