Judy Geller: I brought something that I want to give you. Assuming, of course, that you want it.
Ross: Ma, you're asking me to marry you?

Ross: She came to drag me out of the labor room to ask me why I'm not with Rachel.
Phoebe: Yeah. Why aren't you with Rachel?
Ross: Are you kidding? Look, we're not gonna be together just because we're having a baby, okay?
Phoebe: But, you know, it just seems you two belong together.
Ross: Okay, stop it. I can't deal with this right now. I have to go have a baby.
Phoebe: Right. And with who again?

Joey: He's crazy. Why doesn't he wanna be with Rachel?
Monica: I know.
Joey: Seriously, she's like the perfect woman. I know she turned me down, but if she hadn't and she wanted to be with me, I would take her in my arms and... I haven't bummed you guys out like this in a while, have I?

Ross: Who's that?
Rachel: New people.
Ross: What happened to the Disgustingtons?
Rachel: They're having their baby. It's not fair, Ross. I got here first! Right after you left, they wheeled her off into delivery. Oh, but not before she gave me a nice, juicy shot of little Jamie just crowning away.

Ross: So how are the new people?
Rachel: Well, they have some unusual pet names for each other, including "Evil Bitch" and "Sick Bastard."

Evil Bitch: Are you looking at her?
Sick Bastard: No!
Evil Bitch: Don't look at her, you sick bastard!
Sick Bastard: Honey, I swear I wasn't looking at her.
Evil Bitch: She's in labor. You like that, you sick son of a bitch?
Ross: I'm just gonna-
Evil Bitch: See? See? It's because you were looking, you fat pervert.
Ross: No, no. I'm sure no one was looking. Just want some privacy.
Evil Bitch: You miss your girlfriend?
Ross: Just ignore them. You okay?
Rachel: Yeah. Ross!
Ross: What?
Rachel: He's looking at me.
Ross: Hey! You wanna live to see your baby?
Evil Bitch: Don't you talk to my husband like that, you stupid bastard!

Phoebe: Wait! What? No! Elevator! No!
Joey: Uh, you gotta press the button.

Ross: The nurse said they're bringing in another woman.
Rachel: Oh. Is she pregnant yet? She doesn't need to be. She'll still have the baby before I do.
Oh, Ross! Another contraction.
Ross: Oh, okay. Here, here.
Rachel: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
Ross: That's it.
Rachel: Ow, ow, ow, ow.
Woman: Oh, that sounded like a bad one.
Rachel: Yeah, it was.
Woman: Mine haven't been so bad. Oh, here comes one now. Mm, mmm. Oh, that was a big one.
[Rachel signals to Ross to close the privacy curtain]

Monica: Oh, wait. Do we have a condom? Oh, right! [laughs]

Phoebe: This is it. Ooh, that's him.
Joey: Great. Go get him.
Phoebe: Oh, wait a second. Or maybe you could go in first.
Joey: He's not really my type.