‘The One Where Rachel Has a Baby (Part 1)’
Season 8, Episode 23 - Aired May 16, 2002
The friends join Rachel at the hospital as she goes into labor. As Ross and Rachel are tormented by a seemingly endless stream of couples giving birth before Rachel, Chandler and Monica try to find a private location to start their quest for a baby of their own. Meanwhile, Joey helps Phoebe chat with an attractive patient, and Judy Geller gives Ross an engagement ring.
Quote from Ross
Phoebe: Oh, you made it.
Rachel: Hi.
Ross: How the hell did you beat us here?
Monica: We took a cab. Did you guys walk?
Ross: No, we took a cab too. But I did test runs-
Joey: Hey, you made it.
Ross: Okay, is there some kind of magic tunnel to this hospital?
Quote from Chandler
Monica: Since when are you so crazy about babies?
Chandler: I'm not crazy about babies. I'm crazy about us.
Monica: What?
Chandler: Well, we've always talked about having babies someday. I'm not saying it has to be right now, but I'm starting to think that we can handle it. We're good. We're really good.
Monica: We are pretty good.
Chandler: But nothing has to happen until you're ready.
Monica: Well, maybe I'm ready now. I mean, it's a little scary, but maybe it's right.
Chandler: What? It's not right! We're not ready to have a kid now!
Monica: What?
Chandler: I'm kidding. This is gonna be fun.
Quote from Joey
Cliff: I'm 33.
Joey: Okay. And are you married?
Cliff: No.
Joey: Oh, really? So 33 and single? Would you say you have commitment issues?
Cliff: Are all the questions this personal?
Joey: Yes.
Cliff: Well, if you must know, I'm a widower.
Joey: Oh, that's terrible. I'm really sorry.
Cliff: Yeah.
Joey: Do you sleep with women and never call them again?
Cliff: No.
Joey: Excellent. Excellent. And finally, are you into any weird stuff, you know, sexually?
Cliff: No!
Joey: Ooh. Wrong answer.
Quote from Ross
Ross: You said "hi" to mom before she left, right?
Monica: I thought that was her! Yeah, I called her name and she ducked into a stairwell.
Ross: Well, you know what, consider yourself lucky.
Quote from Rachel
Ross: Say, I opened this earlier, but let me give you guys some privacy.
Marc: Nonsense. We're all in this together.
Julie: We are gonna share every moment of this with you and I think we're gonna have some fun.
Marc: Yeah.
Ross: Oh, okay, I guess.
Marc: Hey, smile! [takes a photo]
Ross: Oh, no.
Rachel: I really don't want any- Oh, thank you.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Ugh. Three hours and still no baby. The miracle of birth sure is a snooze-fest.
Quote from Monica
Chandler: You said you were ready too;
Monica: Yeah, but I was just screwing with you to get your voice high and weird like mine is now.
Chandler: Yes, but haven't you wanted a kid, like, forever?
Monica: Okay, just back off, mister. Because I am ready to have a baby. I just want Joey to be the father.
Joey: What? Are you crazy?
Monica: That's it. Right there. That's all I wanted!
Quote from Rachel
Ross: Later.
Rachel: You can't leave me alone with these people.
Ross: I'm sorry.
Rachel: No, Ross, Ross? Ross? My child has no father!