Daphne: Doctor, my eye. That's Ted, the moron from the deli.
Niles: Are you sure?
Daphne: Oh, stop it. You invited him over here for Roz. Well, she's in no mood to be trifled with, and neither am I.
Niles: I'm sorry, I was trying to help.
Daphne: Yeah, well if you want to help, get rid of him.

Frasier: Dad, listen, we were thinking it might be time that we meet Penelope. She sounds enchanting.
Niles: Yeah, enchanting. How's tomorrow?
Martin: Oh, guys, I don't know. Meeting the family, that's taking it up another notch. I don't want to get that serious yet. Maybe in a few months, but right now I want to keep it simple.
Niles: Simple? As in "Estenelope"?

Frasier: Dear God, what do we do now?
Niles: I don't know. I suppose we could have him neutered.

Niles: Dad, uh, are you, uh, you ready for all this, you know? Going back to work?
Martin: Niles, we talked about this. It's only three nights a week.
Niles: Oh, I know, I know, but, uh... You're going through your old routine. Putting on the badge, going back on duty. You're even going to be working with some of your old friends from the force. Just be aware, it, uh, it might bring up buried memories.
Martin: Like what?
Niles: Well, the last time you worked, some crazy person pointed a, uh, a, uh... You know, at you, and you were almost, uh... You ended up in the, uh, the, uh... [starts fidgeting] Well, you could've, uh, could've, uh, you could have actually... Well, I just- Probably you're going to have a lot of issues. [stops fidgeting]

Niles: Oh, Daphne, you didn't bring me a brewster.
Martin: I think you've had enough.
Niles: Oh, you can never have enough beer, Jodi.
Martin: That's Joe D.

Frasier: Well, see you around, Big Shooter.
Cliff: Thanks, Doc.
Daphne: Good luck, Cliff. Any time you're in Seattle-
Niles: Frasier has an extra room.

Frasier: Listen, I'm sorry that I ruined your evening.
Niles: Oh, actually, I ended up rather enjoying myself.
Frasier: Really? I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that. I knew that once you met these people you'd learn to love them as I do.
Niles: Actually, I've rethought a lot of things. I'm going to give you a much deserved introduction at that conference tomorrow.
Frasier: Are you certain?
Niles: Oh, you won't be able to stop me.

George: I don't blame you for bailing on that idiot.
Niles: He's not an idiot. He's just... passionate.
George: I think he's an idiot. [to Frasier] Suit yourself, idiot.
Niles: That idiot happens to be my brother.

Niles: And well, no hot baths, no alcohol, raw seafood, uh... and I started a regimen of dietary supplements. Which reminds me... [pulls out a small vial]
Martin: What's that?
Niles: French maritime pine bark extract. It boosts fertility and also acts as a mild euphoric. Which accounts for the well-known joviality of French sailors.

[Frasier and Julia, clad only in bed sheets, walk into the living room, unaware that Niles is there.]
Frasier: [on the phone] I can't help it if I'm sick. What if I catch pneumonia?
Niles: If that's what you wear to the movies, it's your own damn fault.