Robert: I'm telling you, the ground, it shook.
Frank: Why didn't you run?
Robert: I did run, Dad. I don't know if you've ever been in this situation before, but the first thing that comes to mind is run! So I'm running and running, and he's getting closer and closer, and then his horn gets me and my feet are off the ground, like I'm flying. Incredibly painful flying. Then he tosses me aside like a sock, and I'm on the pavement, and he gives me a couple of snorts and lumbers up the ramp and into his trailer.
Debra: Unbelievable! You were gored!
Frank: By a freakin' bull! Holy crap!

Robert: Well, I suppose you heard my wonderful news.
Debra: Yeah, three more weeks.
Robert: Three more weeks.
Debra: No, listen. [cheerful] Three more weeks.
Robert: Well, if you say it like that... Here, let me try. [cheerful] Bubonic plague.

Robert: Hi. Is this about me?
Frank: Don't come to my funeral!
Robert: But there are so few things I'm looking forward to.

Ray: Ally's hair is fine! Even if she looked like an iguana, you should have bought cookie from her instead of a stranger. A stranger who happens to be my arch-enemy.
Robert: Oh, you have an arch-enemy. What are you, a superhero now?
Frank: "Captain Big Nose."
Robert: "I'm gonna blow you away!"

Debra: Frank, Robert's meeting didn't go very well.
Frank: What meeting?
Ray: With the FBI, Dad. Pay attention.
Robert: Hey, I'll take his cluelessness over her sabotage any day of the week.
Marie: My what?
Robert: You heard me. Your sabotage. You're a saboteur! Saboteur!

Marie: I don't understand. I was just trying to help you.
Robert: Oh, help, help. You're trying to help me? Like the guy who shaves your ankles before the electric chair? Is that the kind of help?! Thanks for the help! What do I owe you?!
Marie: All right. You're upset because you feel your interview didn't go as well as it could, and I'm sorry, too. But that doesn't give you the right to lash out at me.
Robert: Listen to me, woman! Now, if this was the only time that you ever screwed me up, I just would have gone home and said, "Oh, that Mom." But this is just the latest in your psychotic series of attempts to keep me down!

Marie: Robbie, please, why would I want to keep you from getting that job?
Robert: So you could keep your family the way you like it with you sitting on top, Queen Marie.
Marie: This is crazy talk.
Robert: Oh, yeah? Everyone else isn't below you? Look, here's little Prince Raymond, heir to the throne.
Ray: What throne?
Robert: Shut up!
Ray: You say "Shut up" to the Prince?
Robert: And then you have your court jester, with his bald head and weighty behind! And then there's me the peasant, the serf. And God forbid I should move up just a little, because it might upset your perfect order!

Robert: You ever think about space? What is it? Is it really endless? I mean, if you had a spaceship, could you go flying and flying forever?
Frank: Why don't you give it a shot?
Robert: No! I'm not kidding around here. How can space go on forever, and if it doesn't, then what's at the end, huh?
Marie: Stop it, Robbie, you'll give yourself a tummy ache.
Robert: What about the beginning of time? What was there before that, before time? Nothing? I mean, what is nothing? How could there be nothing? This doesn't bother anybody else?!

Angela: Robert?
Robert: Oh! Hello!
Angela: What are you doing?
Robert: I'm seeing if it's still raining.
Angela: You're going out the window.
Robert: What? Oh, no, no, no, no. Yes. Yes, I-I-I am. But just- just for a second because my car has my poncho in it. So... I'm gonna run and get my trusty poncho, and then I'm gonna go get some ice cream for us. Ya like ice cream? I do. I like it with chocolate chips or nuts and sprinkles... And actually, somebody told me that you might prefer a different topping.
Angela: You know, Robert, we all come from frogs.
Robert: Ah. Interesting. Good night.

Ray: Ma, I saw that girl eat a fly!
Marie: Stop it, Raymond! Why can't you just accept that your brother is different? I accept you, Robbie.
Robert: Listen, Ma, I would love nothing more than to tell you I'm gay.
Frank: Marie, look what you're doing!
Robert: But I'm not, Dad, all right? So you can unclench your intestines. I wish I had a good reason why I'm always striking out. But I don't. It's me. It's me. Most people find their other half. And I just have to wake up and accept already that maybe there is no other half... for this.
Marie: Oh, Robbie!
Robert: See you later.