Pat: Here we go.
Marie: How's the bird?
Pat: Oh, I took care of it.
Robert: What do you mean?
Pat: You know-- [makes neck twisting gesture]

Pat: It's just that you heard how concerned I was about how his decision would affect Amy, and I don't see why you couldn't just support me.
Hank: We'll discuss this later.
Pat: Okay. But we won't.
Hank: So I'm just supposed to go along with you no matter how I feel?
Pat: I do it for you.
Hank: What do you mean?
Robert: No moving!
Pat: Well, I don't always like the vacations we have to take.
Hank: What's wrong with Colonial Williamsburg?
Pat: We go there every year. There's never anything new. And I hate to break this to you: There never will be.

Hank: It's funny, isn't it, Mother, how city folk react to this type of thing?
Marie: That poor bird was innocently flying around. You kill it, you don't even seem to care.
Hank: It's not that we don't care, Marie. It's just, out here, there are animals all around us, and sometimes you do what has to be done.
Pat: Yes, like when a rodent gets into the root cellar, you don't want to bang it with a shovel... but you do.
Peter: Bong!

Debra: Can I say something?
Ray: No. No say.
Debra: Mr. And Mrs. MacDougall, I know how awkward it can be to come in and meet new people, especially when the new people are so... different. But I have to say, thirteen years ago, I felt the same way. But after a while, I grew to love all the Barones like my own family, so just give it some time. Thirteen years.
Pat: Debra, I think you're right. Our families are different.
Hank: That's true. I'm not sure our values are quite the same as your values.
Pat: It's not your fault. We're just not the type of people who would ever be... with you.

Pat: Thank you, Marie, but perhaps Frank is right. Perhaps you should go.
Marie: What?!
Pat: You know, this wedding, whether we like it or not, was for Amy and Robert, and you shouldn't have intruded on their moment of happiness in the chapel.
Marie: I was doing it for them.
Pat: Oh, Marie, I think maybe you were doing it for you, and you were so busy thinking about what you needed to express, you weren't thinking about anyone else, including your son. I think that's called narcissism.

Pat: We would never pretend like that. We always try to see the goodness in people. Even when it's very, very hard.

Robert: Oh, hi. Is everything all right? [Pat nods her head] What, can't sleep? [Pat shakes her head] Yeah, me neither.
[Pat finally breathes and lets out a puff of smoke]
Pat: Your mom's cacciatore was very spicy.
Robert: Wow!
Pat: Oh, Robert, please don't tell anyone I smoke.
Robert: No, no, I won't.
Pat: It's my dirty little secret. I don't smoke a lot, just three a day. I've tried to quit but they're so...
Robert: Addictive.
Pat: I was gonna say "wonderfully relaxing."

Robert: So, no one knows? Not Hank?
Pat: Oh, goodness, no.
Robert: Not even Raymond?
Pat: No. [Robert smiles]
Robert: So, if you don't mind me asking, how have you been able to keep it hidden?
Pat: It's not easy. I buy my cigarettes two counties over where no one knows me.
Robert: But you never smell like smoke.
Pat: I only smoke outside. I hold it downwind and I always have plenty of minty chewing gum. In fact, Hank thinks gum-chewing is my bad habit.

Robert: Ahem. I'm sorry, but you know... I don't understand.
Hank: Well, Robert, you just don't seem to have the stability we'd prefer in a husband for our Amy.
Robert: Well, look, we've had our ups and downs, but- But...
Pat: It's just that over the years, Robert, there have been so many times when Amy was very unhappy.
Peter: You don't know the half of it, Mama. So often she would come into the store and curl up in the used comics section and cry like Little Lotta.
Pat: Oh my. So you could see, Robert, I think any parent would not want their daughter to have a life of... you.

Pat: I brought one from home.
Hank: Ah, there you go.
Pat: I thought this would be nice for Easter. Oh, my.
Ray: "Sacred Death"?
Amy: Is that a heavy-metal band?
Pat: This must be one of Peter's. It was dark in the closet, and I just saw the word "sacred."
Robert: A heavy metal puzzle.
Pat: Look, it says, "500 pieces of head-banging fun."