Marie: But he's such a great alarm salesman. You heard what Ricky Safe-N-Sound said.
Amy: Marie, please.
Marie: I'm just talking. Since when is there a law against me expressing my feelings?
Frank: I've been trying to pass that legislation for years.

Frank: Oh my God, look at this. We gotta bet this horse. This is a big horse. A sure thing. This horse is unstoppable.
Robert: "Marie's Mouth."
Ray: This is a sign from God. We're supposed to be here.
Frank: I'm in! I'm way in. Care for a piece, Robert?
Robert: It is a good sign.

Frank: That bird was one of God's creatures! The God these people supposedly work for. But apparently, that life didn't mean anything to them. It was just a bird. Well, maybe so, but I happen to think he deserved a lot better than he got.
Pat: [enters] Okay, everyone! Dinner.
Frank: All right! Break me off a leg there!

Marie: We're just checking these.
Sales Clerk: I can assure you they're all exactly like the display model.
Marie: See, here's one where the pamphlet's a little folded.
Frank: What are you doing? That's not a believable complaint.
Marie: It's perfectly valid.
Frank: Can't you ever just be quiet?
Marie: Don't you tell me to be quiet! I have a mind of my own, you know? I can contribute. I'm not just some trophy wife!
Frank: You're a trophy wife? What contest in hell did I win?

Marie: There was no hotel. Which means that wasn't the trick you were playing on us. So then what was it?
Ray: There was- No, nothing.
Marie: The washing machine? Having Frank fix something that wasn't broken?
Ray: Yes, that's it! Ha ha! Gotcha!
Frank: Why, you lousy big-nosed bastard!

Marie: How are you eating? Close your mouth before you chew.
Frank: Close your mouth before you talk.

Ray: Hey, Mom and Dad, I think I know what I'm gonna get you for Christmas.
Frank: Better not be a pet. I hate people who give pets.
Ray: Yeah, yeah, we know, Dad.
Frank: Giving a pet means "You're old, I find you boring. Talk to a bird."

Debra: Regret, please?
Ray: Okay. All right. I regret not loving you more. Yes. Yes, you deserve all the love that can fit in the ocean.
Frank: [laughs] Oh, man!
Marie: I thought that was beautiful, Frank. Why can't you say something like that?
Frank: All right. [clears throat] I would love it if you were in the ocean.

Frank: What did you do? Try to soften her up with a big present so you could go play golf?
Ray: For your information, Dad, it's a little more complicated than that.
Frank: You're an idiot. Give me that chocolate. Sit down. Let me tell you something about women. You think you've got to butter them up to get what you want. That is a poor man's game. "Oh, sweetums, here's some flowers. Can I go to the lodge?" Not for me. Not for me! I don't do that nice crap.
Robert: So how do you get what you want?
Frank: I've learned to do without.

Marie: Shame on you, young man!
Ray: Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
Frank: Didn't I teach you anything? You got a problem with your woman, you don't go out and get another woman! Now all you got is two problems!