Adult Chris: [v.o.] Before Cops was a show on TV, I saw cops chasing criminals every day on the streets in Bed-Stuy. Some of the criminals were fast. Some of them were fast, then slow. And no matter what you saw, the most important thing was to not get involved.
T.J.: Hold this.
Chris: What is it?
T.J.: What you think it is? And you better have it when I get back!
Police Officer: Hey, where's the weed, T.J.?
T.J.: I ain't got no weed, man!
Police Officer: Yeah, right. Where's the weed, T.J.?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I had never actually seen real marijuana. But after having a bag of it shoved into my hands, I knew one thing: If that's what happened to the guy who didn't have the weed, I didn't want to know what would happen to the guy who did have it.

Rochelle: What were you doing over there anyway?
Tonya: Andrea is having a listening party for the new Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam album. And I wanted the album so I would know the songs. But it's not out yet.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She was such a big fan of Lisa Lisa, for a while we had to call her Tonya Tonya.
Rochelle: Party? When?
Tonya: Wednesday after school. Can I go?
Julius: No.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father hardly ever said no to Tonya, so we were more shocked than she was.
Tonya: What?
Julius: What?
Rochelle: Tonya, change your tone.
Tonya: How come I can't go? It's just Andrea's.
Julius: I can't sleep if I know you're not home. I said no. That's it.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That look means, "We'll see about that."

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Back at school, I had Jamaican Gold in my shoe and Italian Greg on my case.
Greg: Are you crazy bringing that here?
Chris: I couldn't leave it at home.
Greg: Well, you're gonna be leaving everything at home when you end up in jail. Why didn't you just throw it away?
Chris: Because he knows who I am, and knows where I work. Plus, he said that when he comes back, I better have it.
Greg: What difference does it make what he says? He's going to jail.
Chris: And when he gets out, this weed's gonna be right there at Doc's waiting for him. I don't care if it takes 20 years.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It might be legal by then.
Greg: Well, you can't keep it in that sock. You smell like the ocean.
Chris: I have no where else to put it.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Some drug mules would beg to differ.

Vanessa: I got you a computer.
Rochelle: A computer? For what?
Vanessa: To keep the salon organized. It holds customer information, appointments, calculate our accounts receivable and payable. It does just about everything but hair.
Rochelle: Oh, I don't need a computer. Girl, I'm a walking computer.
Vanessa: But I'm not. Girl, I don't even know what's going on in my own salon anymore.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Sounds like my father.
Vanessa: Try it! You'll like it.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That sounds like my father, too.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I was holding weed, my mother was about to hold a grudge.
Rochelle: Hey, Peaches.
Peaches: Hi!
Rochelle: Whatcha you doing here?
Peaches: Vanessa said that she would give me a discount on my next touch-up if I showed you all your way around the computer.
Vanessa: Rochelle, this girl, she knows what she is doing. Most people, they get out of prison, they end up back in jail. This girl is gonna end up running a company.
Rochelle: Well, it can't be too hard if you learned it in prison.
Peaches: You know, a lot of people think when you're in prison, all you learn is how to be a better criminal. But if you stay positive and motivated, you can learn anything in there. You could become a lawyer. You could get in shape. I'm telling you, my prison was better than school.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] How would she know? She's never been to school.

Rochelle: Well, that's okay. I could do it.
Peaches: Oh. Ooh.
Rochelle: You know, uh, I like to get a feel for things myself. I'm more of a a hands-on type.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She's more the hands-on-your-neck type.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While the weed was burning a hole in my gym bag, I was hoping not to burn my lasagna.
Mrs. Williams: Remember: this dish will count as 50% towards your final grade.
Angel: How's your lasagna, Chris?
Chris: Great. I'm just putting the finishing touches on the sauce. How's your angel food cake?
Angel: It's gonna be just like me... [licks the spoon] sweet and light and everybody'll want a piece.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If everyone is George Michael.
Chris: Whatever you say. [dog barks]
Angel: Ay bendito, hold me!
Chris: Angel, please let me go.
Angel: I'm sorry. I'm scared.
Chris: So am I. Please let me go.

Chris: What's going on?
Angel: Oh, looks like a random drug raid.
Chris: Drug raid?
Angel: There's a lot of people getting high in school these days.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's why they call it high school.
Chris: But they didn't announce they were gonna do this.
Angel: That's why it's called a raid, papi.

Mrs. Williams: Class, this is K-9 Officer Kilo. Now, there's no reason to be afraid. He doesn't bite unless he's ordered to.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He's better behaved than Naomi Campbell.
Police Officer: We're just here to do a walk-through. Just keep your places. We'll be done in a sec. [kids run]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] They either had weed or John Mayer was playing outside.

Mrs. Williams: Leave your dishes at your stations. I'm gonna wrap and label this and keep them in the freezer for Friday.
Chris: Friday? What's Friday?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It's a movie about weed with Ice Cube and Chris Tucker.
Ms. Morello: The faculty will be judging your dishes this year. And you're representing your class.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And that's my ass.