Ms. Morello: You have to name it, feed it, watch it at all times, and plan its future.
Joey Caruso: What if we break it?
Ms. Morello: This is worth 25% of your grade, so if you crack, break, lose or eat your baby, it's an automatic F.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Okay, but if our egg misbehaves, can we beat it?

Chris: That egg is my school project.
Rochelle: What are you talking about?
Chris: The egg is my baby. I'm supposed to take care of it for a week and then give a report on what it's like to be a father.
Rochelle: So what's it doing in my refrigerator?
Chris: Just chillin'.
Rochelle: You're not funny.

Chris: I'm just gonna leave it in there until it was time to turn it in and give the report. I already know what I'm gonna say. It's an easy "A."
Rochelle: An easy "A"? So you think that taking care of a baby is easy?
Chris: No, but it's not a baby. It's an egg.
Rochelle: But your assignment is to take care of this egg as if it were a baby. Do you think I left you in the refrigerator whenever I had something else to do?
[fantasy: a garage:]
Woman: Is it bad?
[Rochelle rolls from underneath the car on a creeper with a baby at her side]
Rochelle: Not if you got a thousand dollars. Ain't that right, baby?
[fantasy: Rochelle is welding in a workshop with a baby in a high chair:]
Rochelle: [whistle blows] Break time, baby. Break time.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Since the baby I brought home was just an egg, my mother decided to make sure I got the full baby experience so I didn't bring home a real one.
Rochelle: Chris, wake up. The baby's crying.
Chris: What's wrong?
Rochelle: You got to change his diaper.
[later:]
Rochelle: Chris, wake up. The baby's crying.
Chris: What's wrong?
Rochelle: He's hungry.
[later:]
Rochelle: Chris?
Chris: Huh?
Rochelle: The baby's crying.
Chris: Is it hungry?
Rochelle: No.
Chris: Is it wet?
Rochelle: No.
Chris: What's wrong with it?
Rochelle: He's got gas.

Jerome: Hey, little dude from across the street. Let me hold your bag.
Chris: No, man, you don't want this. It's just an egg. It's for a class project. I'm supposed to act like it's my baby.
Jerome: Oh, yeah? That's very inventive. I'm only good at acting like it's not my baby.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That year he won the Oscar for Best Non-Supporting Father.
Jerome: Listen, if you ever have any problems with child support, come talk to me. I can help you save some money.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I was trying to keep Junebug on the right track, Greg had become a runaway train.
Chris: Dang, Junebug is driving me crazy. I just can't wait till this thing is over.
Greg: You think you've got problems. Me and Jennifer don't agree on a thing. She thinks Chip should go to Yale. I think he's a Harvard man.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And I think you're a crazy man.
Chris: You're thinking about colleges? I'm just trying to figure out how to get a full night's sleep.
Jennifer: You built a crib?
Greg: Yeah, and I called you last night.
Jennifer: Yeah, like 50 times. Greg, you're taking this way too seriously.
Greg: It's just 'cause I didn't want him to go to Yale.
Jennifer: I don't care how many cribs you build, he's not going to Harvard.

Julius: Tonya's been sleeping with the light on at night.
Rochelle: Girl, you know you're not scared of the dark.
Tonya: No, but I'm scared of werewolves.
Rochelle: What wolves?
Julius: Werewolves.
Tonya: Drew told me he was going to turn into one.
Julius: She's been sleeping with the light on for the last month.
Chris: There's no such thing as werewolves, stupid.
Tonya: Yes, there are. In ancient folklore, a werewolf is a man who turns into a wolf because he's been bitten by another werewolf. It happens over a full moon.

Julius: This just doesn't make sense. On my count, we're missing an egg.
Rochelle: I don't know, baby, maybe we ate it. Hey, sweetie. You ready for your big report?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] No, I was ready to have egg on my face.
Chris: I lost my egg.
Rochelle: Oh. That's not your egg?
Chris: No, this is the one I took from the refrigerator when I lost the other one.
Julius: Wait a minute. You got me here like Columbo trying to figure how my food is disappearing, and it's right there in your hand?

Ms. Morello: Can anyone tell me what I'm holding? Chris?
Chris: An egg?
Ms. Morello: No, Chris. For the next week, this is not an egg. These will be your children. Each and every one of you will be paired with a member of the opposite gender, and the two of you will be the proud parents of a brand new baby boy or girl.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Make my baby sunny-side up.

Tonya: What are you watching?
Drew: Just a movie.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Every kid has fears growing up. Drew used to be scared of spiders. I used to be scared of the opening credits to Perry Mason. Tonya used to be scared of clowns. But that all changed when she saw this, The Wolfman.
[Tonya screams and runs out of the living room]
Drew: It's just a werewolf.
Tonya: [o.s.] No, no, no, no!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It might just be a werewolf, but to Drew it was also an opportunity.